Kulha This is a true gem! Got addicted from the first chapter and forgot about the forums, first, let us talk about small mistakes such as commas and full stops, you seem to end sentences really fast such as the first chapter paragraph one, try to work on that because it can get annoying after 10 chapters. Let us begin with the summary of the first two chapters without going further (More people will be asking and I am sure I won't be able to answer them all if it stacks to a hundred)
Spoiler summary Chapter 1-2
- Ex-Soldier Protagonist (We are talking about modern world military which is a +)
- Unfilial son and grandson (That pissed me off during the first chapter)
- World war 3 explained in chapter 2 but barely any details on how it happened
- Dying to a fish was the most hilarious thing I have seen +++
- His History caught me off-guard yet it was well-planned which I love!
I will keep the summary short as I need to discuss several mistakes which I talked about in this thread but before we start that I commend you for this great gem which is not only unique but also built up from a solid foundation where the protagonist died in his old age, had a family, bad love-life, went through a war and became a veteran. This is good planning because now you can allow the protagonist fight whenever he wants and he won't be bad at it, social skills would be great in the future, army-building elements can also be used, cybersecurity could be used if the terms are understood such as ways to protect yourself from entities that are harmful to you by drafting plans beyond the realm information level and using it against them. Let us go through the common mistakes you have and this is based on me being the reader.
Tidy your paragraphs and sentences, Sometimes it is great to read this masterpiece but a phrase after another with a few actions done making you create a football team with the paragraph lines. (If you have several dialogues you should try to keep them in one instance instead of a few tens of them which might lead you to go back and forth with useless dialogue such as 49.95 money part which is... really?.
Talking is too much, the male protagonist talks to his inner-self (us) and to others (in the novel) too much, to the point where I really wanted to slap him for going through the limit, chapter 1 is ok, chapter 2 is ok but if this continues where will you as an author be able to write action scenes? think about it.
Finally is your length of the chapters, I went through 10 chapters and I felt bad for you as most the times a chapter should be 1000 words no less and no more. That should be your focus, you want to write more? then go for the volume plan and make each volume 15 chapters with 5k words each chapter. [Your first chapter 1.5k +, second 1.6k+ and so on]
This is a summary based on a reader point of view and mistakes seen by me, anything I have said gives no reason for others to judge someone else works, this review is set to help and not hurt anyone, thank you and good luck with your work Max!