Eva_Smith_0875 yours wasn't an honest review, you just dropped some nice words without reading anything lel.

      Majer3 Wow!! This was worth logging in today. Your reviews are hella funny. Do you read bl? I would like a review if you do.

          Nidhongg

          In the synopsis there is a 3 choices about

          1. Dungeon Master

          2. Dungeon Conqueror

          3. Dungeon Explorer

          It really leaves nice feeling of options, however in many cases in these stories MC just picks something without justifying the choice at all or they just pick at random while being OP master geniuses and it could of been done in any other way. Keep the choices real and the story is more complex and relatable at the same time that is typically hard to do. I like the use of writen tag genres, helps a bit with the system not having all of then in Wn. I think Im going to steal this idea thanks.

          Game system related novel things, if nothing much changes it would be better not to spam the MC status window all copy paste details every time MC looks at the status. I know status is important feature of these kind of stories but it is same time one of the biggest fillers that reader sees through if it doesn't have substantial change that would actually lead to some contemplation or new discovery. And above all when I listen to some robot audio book light novel on my soffa.. THE LAST thing is what I want to hear is same status stats 9999 times. It makes it impossible to listen to. Now there are many opinions about these things, some dont like that some people make robot audios of their novels and some even ask for it. Im not locking my stories out because it would receive less readers and If I write hundreds and thousands chapters then probl readers are more willing to help with the donations while being fair and giving free thousand of chapters for someone who likes them. It doesn't always convert into money but keeping the novel open is definitelly rising the amount of readers tremendously. You can always make books later and publish them in old fashion way if money is so important. (Ok end of rant and back to the story 😃)

          Damn 1 chapter ends and another begins with same copy paste status without main person even opening it or something. Otherwise dialogue mostly with system for understandable reason is ok. Writing flow is ok, could explain world or surroundings more or contemplate it more since MC is in new environment. Nice lust going on chapter 14. Oh the harem update needs the whole status window to be written again damn I should of known. My arc enemy the useless status window. Okay and there is missions. So I have said about the missions somewhere probl but I tell it again because this is clearly more game motivated system. If you keep forcing quest without any choices to MC it will create this loop tunnel vision where character is predeterminedly going about in the world and just brainlessly doing the quests and ofc achieving them somehow always because otherwise story would end or stall so badly that nobody would want to read it. The "NEW OPTION" would be to give MC choice based quests or pool of quests where he can make what he deems better for him. Not this hey go to another side of the world MC kill rats from the cellar of my aunt and then come back to reveive 10 gold coins oh the travelling cost 50.000 gold coins not my problem prompted the system

          STATUS WINDOW

          MC name: Generic MC name

          MC Class: MC sword idiot MC

          999999999 STR
          0 INT
          20 VIT
          800 fucks given

          Harem members: Furious and trying to kill MC because of jealousy

          Skills
          Appreciate beauty: opens the drooling function

          Lands owned
          None

          Titles hold
          The most MC ever MC MC

          Relations to the king
          MC Boosted bs with unrealistic stuff

          Status Status window bonus
          Status on MC: fuck im tired of the MC dont talk to me MC, just do the damn quest slave MC as I order it hahehahuho Im a system. Bliib bloob

          (Just comedic ending gathered all the frustration of the systems stories. I really like a good systems stories but there is so much something else entirely). Hope the tips were helpful 😃

            Abigail_Okoi_Obuli

            Nah I dont like to negate anyones ratings for my very spesific opinions that to large extend are very peculiar. I wouldn't think it as fair.

            The synopsis could be more detailed and broader. Its the first glance on the entirety of the story. Ookay its going to be teenager college fantasy story hopefully not in the usa style tv series plot writing Im just far too old and too decadent to look into those. There are very large markets for that kind of writings and audiences but not my thing. The most realistic reqistering process into the college 😃D It wouldn't hurt to know a bit more about MC before story starts right a way in slice of life kind of way without personal contemplation that would tell reader who MC is. Ok the dean dialogue makes me to suspect that either main person is too serious or severe case of not autism but asperger. Nothing wrong with chars like that. Flow of dialogue realistic otherwise, details dropping could be more extensive, also world building info dumping could be more but maybe we get there. Good thing with the dialogue is that the feelings don't even need to be mentioned its clear. Also it was so heart warmin to watch readers answer to your question it is all nice and good culture for novels. Im too darn jaded for it though but much appreciated act. Over all the story is very fast phased depends on the target audience is it seen good or bad.

                Dark_Scholars

                Yea its written with the fanfic kind of writing logic (kind of difficult to say why I have that feeling). The start is kind of difficult if it has a lot of names shotgun shot all over the place and people supposed to remember them? It also doesn't add to the world building if nothing else is told about them. I keep scrolling back to check who is this guy. Dialogue is okay but environments and feelings are not expressed that much. Aijai already thinking about dating and people dont even know much about the main character at that point. It could be problematic for relatability. Okay the feeling part gets better, the environment thing doesn't. Purposes and plans could be nice but its a love story presumably so maybe all else ceases to have value when blinded by the bl. I don't know the genre enough to tell the difference.

                    Majer3 Thanks for the feedback, although I can't tell if you're being sarcastic about the college registration part😅 I'll try my best to improve. Thank you for taking time to read my story

                        Abigail_Okoi_Obuli

                        No, its very typical because they have to register at most thousands of people so you can imagine the mental burden of it at least they are tired, at least.

                            Livylivalive

                            Synopsis, very poetic but didn't get sleep last night (migraine) so it makes it almost unreadable, nice broad use of words though. Theme is interesting and the setting. It reminds me of story of Napoleonic wars with dragons. Military equipment realism is always good.Same goes with all manner of things. For all fantasy writers even the weight of cold coins should be measured to some extend.

                            Here is video about it:
                            Lesson of the day, what ever you write as a writer, study the subject at least the main topics of it.

                            Your writing style remind me of First Law Trilogy, at least glance through it you might be surprised its like even darker and synical version of what you have written. Balanced dialogue, maybe world setting could be expressed more clearly. Some info dumping could be handled more vigorously. But as proper tone, there are no dignities in war. Only purposelly glorification, brutalization, interpretations, fact mutilation, narrative wars and maybe one day a book or two written with more clarity but still generalization by a historian. War never changes. You write also nicely the moral personal hazard of the war and violence that is nice. Deepens the tragedy ay.
                            scroll scroll scroll, where is the economy* o nice grand gestures and proper etiquette. Nice beginning, still story is for good reason slow burn but it has good thing going. Maybe Ill try remember it and look it up from youtube with robot voice telling it to me in a very human way later. Have to read a lot every day so it is what it is. Modern miracles.

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