Dark_Scholars

Yea its written with the fanfic kind of writing logic (kind of difficult to say why I have that feeling). The start is kind of difficult if it has a lot of names shotgun shot all over the place and people supposed to remember them? It also doesn't add to the world building if nothing else is told about them. I keep scrolling back to check who is this guy. Dialogue is okay but environments and feelings are not expressed that much. Aijai already thinking about dating and people dont even know much about the main character at that point. It could be problematic for relatability. Okay the feeling part gets better, the environment thing doesn't. Purposes and plans could be nice but its a love story presumably so maybe all else ceases to have value when blinded by the bl. I don't know the genre enough to tell the difference.

      Majer3 Thanks for the feedback, although I can't tell if you're being sarcastic about the college registration part😅 I'll try my best to improve. Thank you for taking time to read my story

          Abigail_Okoi_Obuli

          No, its very typical because they have to register at most thousands of people so you can imagine the mental burden of it at least they are tired, at least.

              Livylivalive

              Synopsis, very poetic but didn't get sleep last night (migraine) so it makes it almost unreadable, nice broad use of words though. Theme is interesting and the setting. It reminds me of story of Napoleonic wars with dragons. Military equipment realism is always good.Same goes with all manner of things. For all fantasy writers even the weight of cold coins should be measured to some extend.

              Here is video about it:
              Lesson of the day, what ever you write as a writer, study the subject at least the main topics of it.

              Your writing style remind me of First Law Trilogy, at least glance through it you might be surprised its like even darker and synical version of what you have written. Balanced dialogue, maybe world setting could be expressed more clearly. Some info dumping could be handled more vigorously. But as proper tone, there are no dignities in war. Only purposelly glorification, brutalization, interpretations, fact mutilation, narrative wars and maybe one day a book or two written with more clarity but still generalization by a historian. War never changes. You write also nicely the moral personal hazard of the war and violence that is nice. Deepens the tragedy ay.
              scroll scroll scroll, where is the economy* o nice grand gestures and proper etiquette. Nice beginning, still story is for good reason slow burn but it has good thing going. Maybe Ill try remember it and look it up from youtube with robot voice telling it to me in a very human way later. Have to read a lot every day so it is what it is. Modern miracles.

                  vesnxx

                  Olrait, decadent suggar dady opinions coming through as requested xDD
                  Back to the mega serious SCARY professional business of art director review.

                  Synopsis: Dayymm drama starts at the synopsis already/5
                  Copyright: act from 1988/5, I suggest to use copyright classifications instead either some copyright classification or one of the creative commons https://creativecommons.org/ by this choice you can pretty much dictate everything of the use and tell it only by a single line of text in form of classification. Example “Furggelen afterglow” by Lukas Schlagenhauf is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.
                  drama: sleazy bag that gropes/5, maybe they marry in chapter 2. Never give up hope but when it goes wrong its just nope.
                  Legal issue drama 1/5 its common sense to battle for a good reason against stupid law breaking scumbaggery people who abuse their landlord powers. There has to be evident real reason. Just making a lawyer call them is typically the best. They can tell in perfect way how idiotic it would be according to law 🙂
                  Style of writing is the kind of hectic phased dialogue driven not a lot love for world building kind of thing. The slower the story goes more possibilities there are for this. I personally love 2-3 pages of info dumps to the autistical perfection. mmmmm tasty. 😁
                  Otherwise this reminds me of English soap opera dialogue+ scenery plan writing. Not what I typically read but these things have immense audience also so what do I know. To give benefit of the doubt at least there is more flesh lust and action going on than in your normal merry sue run of the mill milk and cookies at 2 pm kind of lullaby laziness endless TV series with laughing track on it.

                      Majer3 yo, add me discord I wanna ask you something and thx. ( Choka#4515).

                          Majer3 thank you for advice and opinion I apreciate it 😁😁 and I know it's not one of my best but it blummed in moments when I read the title of the WPC so I am proud of my fast imagination 🤣🤣🤣 but am almost daily going through it looking for imptovements honestly ;P

                              vesnxx

                              Yea its hard stuff to do quality with speed. Have to be wired for it.

                                Majer3 Majer3 thanks, I’ll study more on economy and try to handle info dump. This was really useful. And yes, war is horrible, in every ways. I’ll read the first law trilogy if I have time. Hope you get some sleep, and have a nice day and sweet dreams <(^_^)>

                                      Majer3 Yeah, I should notify them more. The problem is there were robbers in the kingdom who were robbing the citizens. Yeah, I think I hadn't mentioned it in the chapter. But the complaints about the kingdom firstly come to the Chief commissioners, Alvis who was ordered to solve them and later inform him about every problem. He was ill as I mentioned in the first chapter with the maid scene so the readers could get through the robbers scene. But now I think I should write it in the king's dialogue that "I was ill and you don't even care to inform me about this matter." I will edit the part of king's dialogue. So, readers could get it easily. By the way, I was making the process of ML and FL to come closer. I am thankful to you for pointing out the mistakes that I even don't consider.

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