TallyArtist oh, pick those out. I would love to see some of those unclear parts.

The 66'666$ is just a joke. No price tag works like that. Flip the number upside down and you get $999.99

      ex_perimental

      lots of potential, problem is that ur genre is really unpopular. GL is like not read by a lot of people, because while bl has crossover from girl's demographic, not many guys read GL, so it just has less audience. That being said, the title also doesn't catch my eyes. My title kinda sucks too, but I'm too lazy to redraw my cover or rebrand lol, maybe you could name it, "Love burns like Tinder". Also not a fan of pov switches in the first chapter, which is ironic, since I do it too, but anyway cough.

          AuHNG
          I see, I wondered about that, since I thought it would make more sense upside down, but it wasn't clear.

          As for non-clear moments, in chapter 1 where you go from a confused state of where he is to the acts of a play that seems unrelated, and then in a classroom? Looking closer now, I think you made that part a dream, but the swap to the dream seems unnatural. Another way you could do this to have the same effect of "not knowing if its a dream" but wanting to be more clear would be to take out the beginning part about the ai, and just start the story there

          That way it would go from dream-reality and the reader's expectations would change, especially with the prologue. Now, it goes from real-dream-real, and I think the swapping of dream to real only really has an impact once.

          Also, reading closely I get the part about semicolonc now, but at first glance, the :-l just looked like the number -1, with the colon before it just introducing the name.

              TallyArtist k after reading ur novel, I can say it has potential, but your writing ain't all the way there, yet. WIll be giving it 5 stars, and I'll recommend reading duolu dalu for a pop novel in the same genre

                  AuHNG

                  Thank you, any major ideas of where I can improve? Like is it unclear, paced too fast, or something else?

                      AuHNG Yeah, I definitely get that. Thanks for the honest thoughts btw! My story probably reads like a typical anime plot right now, but it's basically just the prologue; just a bit of incentive to care about the MC and his family before I yeet him off into the actual " more fantasy" setting lol. And actually, making engaging things happen in the story is something I kind of struggle with, but I'll work on that for sure! It's hard getting my imagination into writing lol

                          AuHNG Ayyy you too? (σ´∀`)σ✨✨The whole rewriting the story multiple times thing is definitely super relatable lol. I started this story last year, but I've been editing and rewriting it ever since. Tho I don't regret doing that at all, cause my first draft suckkked

                              AuHNG This novel is published on another platform and an editor here contacted me and told me to upload it to webnovel because there are very few works of this genre. I've also noticed, from what I've read these days, that it's not too popular here. About the title, I prefer simple titles and it was the one I had originally, but to publish it here I had to make a few changes. I'm not very good at thinking up titles and it was a bit of a first thought.

                                  ex_perimental

                                  It’s unfortunate, but this site is like one of the iffy ones, ever since they changed everything to be unnecessarily gendered, instead of letting people just read books in genres they enjoy. Also it’s been overtaken by harem and ceo stuff, and the site has a shady past too, which u can read about if u go to the reviews for coiling dragon (on the site). It used to be great for novels, but now it’s kinda meh.

                                    Missy_Ti

                                    The first thing I notice is u need an editor, punctuation

                                        Zherie17

                                        wayyy too much info in the first chapter, I felt like there's too much getting introduced, and found myself skimming throuhg the info because I was lost a couple seconds in. That being said, it's not badly written, so ur story has potential, for now. I'll read it fully later.

                                            AuHNG Hey, I'm not taking you up on the swap offer, but I took a look at your prologue chapter.

                                            I really like the bizarreness of how the protagonist and the AI meet each other. However, you need to learn how to punctuate dialogue.

                                            "I think I'll call you Dieze." The boy suggested.

                                            When you follow dialogue with a dialogue tag, you need to replace periods with a comma. When you use a question mark or exclamation point, it's treated as a comma by the following text. So your line here would be punctuated in one of the following ways:

                                            "I think I'll call you Dieze," the boy suggested.

                                            "I think I'll call you Dieze!" the boy exclaimed.

                                            "Should I call you Dieze?" the boy asked.

                                            You can read a longer guide about more punctuation nuances here.

                                            I'd also strongly suggest cutting down on so many of your non-"said" dialogue tags. Suggested, reasoned, bemoaned, bawled, are all just super annoying to read when you're using them for almost every dialogue tag. It gives the effect that you're looking through a thesaurus to find a vaguely appropriate dialogue tag to add extra syllables to your story instead of choosing a "said" alternative when you especially want to emphasize an emotion or action.

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