OldNispy

Awesome. Give me a couple hours, I have a couple of things to do but I will definitely get to reading some chapters and leaving some comments. Thank you so much! I see your point a lot of terrible things happen, but it may not be a tragedy at the end. I haven't wrote the last six chapters. I Didn't do an outline with this book. so I'm not 100% sure if it's a tragedy or not, Do you think I should change it? I just read your comment. Do you think it has do many details, like it is bogged down?

      NinaChroni oh gosh pls dont hahahha

      If there's a major love triangle, most of your readers would be wishy washy romance readers (like me)! Hahhahha

      BUT if the natural storytelling led to a tragic end... Well... You do you. 😂

          Rokuman_24

          Hmm, the way it's heading, I was actually thinking about ending the book with a cliffhanger. I tend to write books that women go from being weak to strong. They also usually are involved in a love triangle.This is not is not intentional, I guess it is just how my brain works. I have actually been considering giving the love triangle a bigger role. Thank you for your feedback.

              @"Nispedana"#p619586m
              Hey, you said you want honest feedback, so I am trying to really consider the story. I'm not used to giving feedback because I hate to offend people, but I only noticed a couple of things. There was a typo near the end, when she is speaking about the Nanny( hasd.) There's only one other thing that I noticed in this chapter, and it's a personal preference. You address the audience a couple of times by using you and there one more. It's perfectly acceptable to do this, it just sometimes throws people off. It's really hard to write a story where you are addressing the audience,
              but it can work, if you do it well. usually, instead of saying 'you could tell that she looks like a tomboy", you could say, "it was evident that she was a tomboy." Or something like that. I now that's an uncommonly used word, so keep it how you want it... My daughter says I use too many big words, but I think she means to many uncommon words(lol). This is just my opinion, so you don't have to take it, obviously Thank you!

              NinaChroni
              NinaChroni

                    Does anyone know of good Shoujo/josei stories with Game Elements? Like virtual reality or systems

                      I'm interested in strong female lead books that ARE NOT systems or isekai and don't have harems and rape content. Any recommendations?

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