I wonder how i can save this edit
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Storie_muxica my advice? Honestly, join a writing discord or get an editor. Thatās like the biggest step for you. You already have a story but you need to polish it. Working on writing is also just as important as writing for your story! This is why I like your plot ideas, but your writing does need more work. I can tell that youāll def get better as I see improvement from first chapter to the second, already.
I mean from 1-4 thereās a huge jump in quality, so I know youāre getting better at writing.
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AuHNG I read the first five chapters + the prologue, and your writing style stuck out to me. It was rather unique but somewhat difficult to read as it was a bit rough around the edges.
I like how you described the characters + set the atmosphere through your writing, but some parts couldāve been further elaborated.
The change in POV was rather confusing at times, and the overall clarity of certain paragraphs/chapters was difficult to read. For example, you often shift from āyouā and āheā with little to no explanation in-between, leaving the reader to pick up on some parts themselves.
The prologue chapters also felt somewhat bare, but I feel like your writing style got better as the story progressed. At the start, I couldnāt really connect with the characters, and some parts felt a tad bit generic. For example, the betrayal, the friend & girlfriend- it felt somewhat dry like it was being skipped over.
There were also a couple of grammatical and capitalization errors every couple paragraphs.
All in all, I love the idea of your novel, and how you're executing it (but, itās a tad bit rough around the edges). Still, keep it up!
Now, hereās the link to my novel once again: https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/26147833805198705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4318679159
Hello,
Please give me feedback on my novel if you have time as i am not too sure myself if i should continue it even though i have just started it.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/14536835205685405?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4302006378
Will do! 
But join a discord and get an editor?
I am amazed to how you can give reviews this many at the same time but...
But i am pretty busy for learning
Being busy aside, i am pretty lazy too!
Rather than spending time to learn things, i think to myself that it will be better if i begin my journey already.
And what's fun is, of course if a person is in a journey, he learns things!
I remember how i enjoy the sceneries while riding leisurely with a vehicle.
That's why, when i found out that i can publish on webnovel for free, i binge wrote a chapter and a careless synopsis 
To be honest I've been thinking the plots of this story about half a year now.
I plan to draw it on manga
And i realize that I'll try this webnovel thing
Somehow it's working.
UNKNOWN PHENOMENON is published in webnovel running to 2 months now
By the way,
Some character for my novel i binge draw
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eudine it seems generic because itās satire. I put many tropes of the genre. Also I donāt have many grammatical mistakesā¦ the ones that I do have are more stylistic, rather than accidental, such as using and or but in the beginning of a character, using sentence fragments for dramatic effect, etc.
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Iām surprised you mostly chose to critique my writing since I did have actual writers on writer discords re-read my work, and they said my writing follows good conventions for American English. These elements: Zhen Ni -> held his hand if it was lucky, a best friend slightly weaker than he was, his mom telling him, that she loves story fry as she diesā¦ (the chapter being called, the hobo gives me a disease 
) is all really obvious satire. Now pov shifts, most of the pov shifts I have arenāt true pov Shifts, unless I have transitions in between. For example, when Li Ming asks why, and the answers receives are I, I, I, but thatās not a pov shift. Itās just a stylistic convention of writing dialogue without using quotes. Or the fact, that I introduce Li Ming as: HIs name is Boring, but we call him Li Ming (paraphrased).
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eudine In your writing, one recurring aspect that stands out is the excessive use of vivid descriptors. While your work displays promise (and a good premise), certain sections would greatly benefit from toning down phrases like "cerise-red" and "cobalt-black." It is essential to consider that even though you possess a profound understanding of your novel, such elaborate descriptors can be overwhelming for readers to process in one sitting. Striking a balance between evocative language and simplicity would enhance the overall readability and engagement of your narrative. Itās okay to use cobalt-black/cerise-red, but it is perfectly fine to just use black or red, or write white, instead of ivory (although ivory in the following section does work better). Oh and I just realized, English isnāt your first language! Perhaps thatās why you have difficulty understanding/interpreting satire and differentiating tone in my writing. I also noticed that non-native speakers tend to focus English with a more āby-the-booksā way of writing, which is good, but even we donāt do that. We have so many colloquial ways of writing and speaking: a lot of our grammar rules, at least in English exist to be broken (so long as the sentence makes sense). So, for example, we sometimes say, a couple dogs, even though grammatically correct would be: a couple of dogs. (Typing on phone causes me to have typos/weird autocorrects) Also native speakers tend to have more of a grasp on what words are conventionally used, as I do see you using words that can be a bit difficult to understandā¦ for the casual reader. I spent a lot of time writing, which is why your writing reads āeasyā to me, but other readers may not feel the same.
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AuHNG Hi! Iāve read both of your replies, and Iām sure those factors you used would work great for an actual book or a comic, but it seemed rather messy when paired all together. The overall tone appeared to be comedic, but the usage of āyourā for pov was what set me off in the first chapter. For the same thing you said about my writing being difficult to read but only working out since you write frequently- itās my personal opinion- but as Iāve said before, it seemed more like something Iād see in an actual book or a comic book. Back to what you said about my elaborate descriptions and choice of words, Iāll take that into account for future chapters. But as for your comments about being a native and non-native speaker whatnot, I had read + typed that up at midnight so I do admit that I hadnāt noticed it was satire at first, my bad. As for my fancy usage of vocabulary and writing style, it is the same thing you are doing with your writingāvoice. I felt that using a casual tone would be rather ill-fitting towards the setting, hence it may have appeared as you called it, āby-the-books.ā
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That is the only major pov switch in the novel so far. The usage of yourā¦ is a dream sequence, so itās meant to be disjoint. Youāll see thrillers do this often. I didnāt use comic books as my inspiration, rather actual novels.
Edit: I got this amazing thriller writer to read my first chapter, and she loves it, but it is very unconventional so I totally understand why you think the way you do. Again, keep in mind, I donāt write like this the entire novel.
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You can write fancy and good, but also keep in mind which words youāre using. My advice is to learn which words are more commonly used and which words are less commonly used so that it doesnāt hinder what you want to convey. Itās all about dynamics. If you have a difficult, descriptive sentence, switch it up.
Edit: also, I love how you reviewed my novel with a 2.8/5. Ouch. Iāll be nicer in my review tho.
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Sh4do please continue writing. Here's how I would write the beginning of your novel tho: Subject: "Enrich Your Life NOW - The Secret of the Super Wealthy!"
Sender: successguaranteed@richesgalore .n/a (Auhng: I put n/a here in case the .com makes webnovel think I'm spamming emails here. Pretend its .com)
Dear Lucas,
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Subject: "No More Loneliness! Discover Your Perfect Match TODAY!"
Sender: destiny@lovescenario .n/a
Lucas,
Looking for that special someone to share your life with? Love is just a click away! Explore now and transform your lonely nights into romantic dates.
Subject: "Unleash the Fighter Within You! Master Street Survival Techniques!"
Sender: fightclub@streetsurvivor .n/a
Hello, Lucas!
Tired of feeling threatened? Fight back! Enroll in our exclusive Street Survival program and unlock your true potential. Click here to know more.
Just as he was about to log out, a notification chimed in from his social media app.
Notification: "@SarahBright added a new photo to their story!"
Sarah, his old friend, had posted a picture of her dog nestled between her and her husband on the couch, a happy family portrait. It stirred a longing within him.
Liked by @JakeStrong and 150 others.
Lucas added his own like, scrolling past a wave of envy.
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(insert your beginning/add more posts/maybe change it up to your style). This would be a more engaging hook.
Hi, I would review yours and here's the link to mine https://www.webnovel.com/book/23286159206927705
Thank you.
Sh4do Oh also, i would recommend grammarly/chatgpt, both of which can help with grammar and sentence dynamicity. I notice you have a rigid writing style, which could benefit from those tools. @Storie_muxica u too.