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@ImBloo Thanks for explaining your opinions and suggesting ideas. I appreciate your effort at this and its been really helpful.

The mc is pretty judgmental at this stage.Its a flawed individual. Also, he was not very happy to comply with to the ghost's request to make love to her sister and that is shown in his actions and thoughts. He does it anyway and do a bad job at it. The whole scene is supossed to make you a little unconfortable at the understanding that he really not cares about her but not too much. Although, I grant you that using only Blondie and wench is a little dull. I will try to improve my writing in the future.

I don't really consider necesary to explain what a kender is for now, as is it a very common race in fantasy paperbooks, but if i ever do a list of races for my novel, i 'll be sure to include them.

There is no special reason to alternate between mage and magician. In here, there are used as synonyms despite the slight differences of their original meanings. I prefer to use magician to refer to the mc as it has that old feeling around it. However, sorcerers do practice a specific type of magic. The word is used in a specific way there.

The semiomniscient, unreliable narrator is my style of writing. My other novel also uses it although with a slight difference since that one written in 3rd person. Also, antiheros are weak by definition. They usually struggle with their mental flaws and unconsistant attitudes.

I'm sorry if that style of narrating things or the characteristic of the mc doesn' t appeal to you but there is not much that I can do about it. Its a matter of personal taste and other readers enjoy reading this kind of things.

I will revise the use of the word guy. Although I feel that a word that has been used since the 17thcentury its old enough, rereading through the story made me realize that I overusing it a lot and its better to replace it for a synonym.

Thanks for your input! I appreciate it!

I will consider making changes.

Thank you again for the feeback and suggestions.

ImBloo Thank you for your feedback. Its been really useful.

You are totally right about the grammar and spelling. I will try to improve it in the future. Also, thanks for telling me in a very detailed way about the flaws on my story. I agree with most of your points and will try to make the necessary adjustments to my work. I appreciated your honest review.

The mayority of your questions about the story and the character would be answered in chapters to come and to reveal that now would be a huge spoiler. However, I can answer some of them.

About the Bob guy

Bob is a kender. The primary trait of this particular race is that is immune to fear. He could be inside the mouth of a dragon and not feel the slightest fear at all. That's the reason because the mc can't intimidate Bob.

There are more reasons to explain the dynamic between the two of them but it would be a huge spoiler.

By the way, kenders are not a creation of mine. They were created to replace Tolkien's Halflings in the Drangonlace Setting of TSR publishing. If you want to know more about them you can check the Dragonlance series.

About the Poison element

Poison has been used as an element of magic in a lot of novels, movies and videogames. It is really a common trope. Final Fantasy and Pokemon come to my mind right away but there are lots of examples.

It is sometimes depicted as the element opposite to lightning, which in my opinion does not make much sense, so in my world is an element that is linked both to water and darkness.

About the mana

Mana in my world is both a medium and an entity. You could think of it to be similar to "the force" of star wars except that in this case mana is sentient and very much alive. Mana can weaken and strengthen magic elements while the oposite is also true. While they can function separately on their own, mana and element are more powerful when combined.

A magician in this world is someone who can "convince" or "force" both the living mana and at least one of the elements to do what the magician wants. The mc is exceptional at this, to the point that he is able to manipulate dead mana, which is almost equal to living mana but is considered more powerful, dreadfull and harder to control. Also it is considered taboo in most places of this world.

As an analogy, if you consider the living mana a normal being, then dead mana is an undead being. Or if you a star wars fan you may prefer to see them as the force and the dark side.

About the character

The mc is mentally unstable , and will sometime act pretty similar to what you call a typical goth kid and also like a kid trying (and failing) to act tough. His actions will not match his words because the way he perceive himself is not how he really is. He does not understand himself. But he is the one who is telling the story so what you will know for now is just what he says and what you can deduce from his words and your own jugdment.

So at least in that part I have managed to produce pretty much the impression of him that I desired. So, I know that I am the right track. Again, thanks for your feedback!

About the wench.

Because she is really a wench. Not really sure what you find strange here, can you please elaborate about this particular point?

I suppose I could have used prostitute instead, but that would leave away her day work as the waitress of the tavern. I could have used waitress but then the reader could have a misleading impression that she is having sex because that what she liked to do instead of her night job.

While it is accurate that she is a woman, is not the appropriate word to use to describe what she does for a living. I feel that wench is the perfect word to describe her, as it is the word that has been used for decades in novels or movies to refer to a person who offer this kind of sexual services while also working at taverns as a waitress.

Hopefully , this would answer some of you concerns. Thank you very much for giving me the detailed feedback that I wanted! You surpassed what I usually expect of a reviewer! kudos to you, my friend!

And also thanks for the powerstone ! If you want feedback or a review from me, just tag me and I will do it after the contest ends.

StenDuring I agree with you. In fact, the lines

Use, copy, distribute, and display materials and modifications on the Internet and on other means of electronic or digital commerce.
Use all trademarks and trade names associated with the materials.

Its all they need for gaining any trial about rights.

But thats just my opinion.

Actually, I will probably be willing to sign away most rights about my own work if either Webnovel or Amazon offer me a contract. I love my novel and my characters but I can still make new ones easily. For a beginner like me, it would be probably much more money that what I can get from an publisher in my country.

I have a friend that is a professional writer and he gets only gets a couple of thousands dollars in advance from his paper publisher and afterwars 4% of the total sale value of every book. For a newbie like me the conditions would be much worse.

So the 200 dollars a month that webnovel guarantees any novel contracted writer in the first four months , would make about 40% of my friend total revenue. Not bad at all. And that is just the first four months...

Of course, I can understand than a famous and prestigious Author with consistance quality skills would see that as a bad deal. But then again, I believe that most famous and prestigious Author would not need a web platform for publishing in the first place.

ImBloo Why did you think i did not read the whole thing . I even post the link so people can check it.

I agree with the interpretation of the second paragraph, I did not say anything in the contrary at all. I think you misunderstood me there.

However, I don't agree with your intepretation of paragraph one. You are just assuming that the second paragraph is talking about your submitted material when in fact is talking about derivative rights from your submitted material which is not the same. That's why there is two different paragraphs talking about it. What you are talking is said here:

By submitting materials to us, you grant to Amazon.com and its affiliated companies a worldwide, royalty-free license (which we may exercise only in connection with our promotion and distribution of your products) to do the following:

Make reasonable modifications to the submitted materials. For example, Amazon.com may excerpt textual materials and may change the size or otherwise enhance (tilting, shading, etc.) graphical materials.
Use, copy, and distribute materials and modifications for our internal business purposes.
Use, copy, distribute, and display materials and modifications on the Internet and on other means of electronic or digital commerce.
Use all trademarks and trade names associated with the materials.

BUT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT IS THIS OTHER PARAGRAPH
This license will continue in perpetuity, unless either party terminates it by giving the other party thirty days' prior written notice. You will retain all intellectual property rights you may have in submitted materials. Subject to those rights, Amazon.com will be the exclusive owner of any permitted modifications that it may create.

As you can see, it does not mention promotion or advertising here in this apragraph. And it specifically says that they are the exclusive owner (not you) of permitted modifications.

So, as long they do a derivative work of your submmited materials before the 30 days notice end, they will retain all rights about that derivative work (not your original submmited material). That's what I was talking about.

@MilordInk would you check my novel?

would you check my novel?

https://www.webnovel.com/book/12805749805420705/Unmerciful-Covenant%3A-The-magician%2C-the-monster-and-the-witch.

The search function of the webpage and the cell application works in a similar way to the google search.

If you write a couple of letter it will automatically begin searching among the existing titles and at the same time will check if there is an author name that begins with that letters. Then will offer you the first hits for both categories. (Authors appear first)

Also, if you are reading a novel and you go to the cover, you will find the Author's name. Click on it and it will directly lead you to his/her profile, where you can see all novels published by him/her.

Hope this help you!

Guys, don't worry. You are not giving anything away just by participating in the contest.

And its not so easy to get a contract, you will have to be successful enough first.

At least 100k worth of content and a lot of views and collections just to get noticed by them. Most of the contracted authors of this site had to ask to a Webnovel Editor or Staff to check for eligibility before receiving a contract offer.

Also, once they contac an author they provide several different contracts available for the author to choose.

Plus, a more successful author would probably receive better offers than a less successful author. So if you want more money you will ultimately have to rely in your own work and capabilities.

So participate in the contest without worring about this at all.

@NEidarous @fantasy_land @NguyenDynasty @shrishthi @MishaK @anne_2 @NatsumeRikka @Pgimz @Veronica8 @Eslyna @ArthurHFSS @Yozuka @WinterBud

and also everyone else who is reading this post:

Sorry to trouble you all but I have unexpectedly decided to join the Writing Prompts Contest #50：Mage with this title:

Unmerciful Covenant: The magician, the monster and the witch.

So would you please, please adn pretty please help me by spending a few precious powerstones in my story. I know that maybe I am asking too much... but after all, I am a shameless Author!

This the link to my story.

[link] https://www.webnovel.com/book/12805749805420705

Thank you so much in advance!

Thanks again!

[unknown]

review done! I liked your story! Also, you asked for feedback so here it is:

Your story is great but I think you should edit your chapters to fix some minor flaws in the narrative. For example:

Chapter 1:

Its a great chapter but the numbers seems odd, 1 million feet? 500 million feet? This beasts are of gargantuan size. And the locals don't find this strange?

They just go on with their lives and say "hey look at the deities gathered over there" like that is the important thing and ignore the appearance of the damn huge dragon that is as big as to cover the entire sky with his shadow.

If I were to see a beast like that suddenly appear I will surely show a reaction. Scream, ran away,faint, stare at it, I don't know exactly what reaction it would be but I would definitely show my emotions somehow. The locals should also do it. Even if you plan to kill them all in a couple of paragraphs later, at least make the reader feel like they were alive in the first place.

Also even if the dragon's numbers are correct, its still better to give a description than to show numbers unless the mc is a reincarnated person from a modern world with a chip to measure everything.

Chapter 9:

Also a great chapter and the joke is good but mentioning steroids threw me off, I thought this was an ancient world so why the mc suddenly know about steroids?

Replace the words"likes steroids" with "likes alchemy potions" or "like bloodline pills" or something like that. Also, in the subsecuent line replace the words "doing steroids" with "faking your strengh with forbbiden ways" or whatever you prefer.

Chapter 12: mexican standoff? There is even Mexico in this ancient world?

These examples are the kind of thing that you need to change to improve your story. Its a great novel already but it could be better if you fix these minor flaws. Hope you find the feedback useful! Keep up the good work!

@fantasy_land Thanks! I have read your up to chapter 26 and I gotta say I liked it very much! My recommendation to you would be to edit the first five chapters to fix a few silly grammar and spelling errors (
Prolouge comes to my mind) and add a little more content to make them larger. You improved at very fast pace and by the last chapter I read (26) you were already doing a great job. I loved the siblings of both mc!

@NguyenDynasty you are next

@ihateyounot Then I will add you to my queue :D

@shrishthi review done! Left you a few advices that I hope you will find useful!

@fantasy_land you are next!

@MishaK You are welcome! Here is the link to my novel!

[link] https://www.webnovel.com/book/12386178405369505/Witch-Zanthia%C2%B4s-Little-Shop-of-Horrors

@MishaK Review done! Your writing is amazing!

anne_2 Review done. I strongly suggest you download and install Grammarly in your phone. It will help you a lot to check your work before posting. Also you need a new synopsis. I left a few some more advices in the comments. Your story is good but remember: presentation is everything! Keep up the good work!

@MishaK you are next

On queue:

@shrishthi
@fantasy_land
@NguyenDynasty

@great_gamer I missed your tag the first time. you still want to trade reviews?

ihateyounot did someone review your novel? if not, tag me and I wil read it.

Lonelytree @MyrdalHerseim Tha mental image is true Horror! Are you perhaps applying to work with Chen Ge?