Chryiss After listening to your story I feel like a little bitch for whining about my problems. You’d think I, as a person who spent most of his time reading when young, would grow up to be a a psychologically sound person but honestly I’ve felt so isolated in my life that lately I’ve been having these bouts of extremely depressing thoughts. It feels like I’m going crazy, I’m always having these mental debates in my mind carried out by two little voices that lead to absolutely no where. A voice telling me I’m useless, stupid, and will always remain poor. and a voice telling me what I can do and that I’m not trash. You’d think that the second voice would be the most beneficial to my psyche but honestly the more time I spend like this the more the voice stops sounding like words of encouragement but more of a sarcastic taunt that plays hopeful illusions in my mind, just for these illusions to be constantly shattered by reality.
I don’t exactly know why this is. I’ve no clear responsibilities to take care of. Nobody’s looking to me for rent money or funds for food. That’s why in my original paragraph I didn’t say “are you happy” happiness is not the answer I’m looking for I’m looking for purpose. I want to be a reliable person, a good husband and a good father to some future kids. The problem is I’ve no idea how to get the money to do so.