Issues I've found(IMO):
1. The title - You should remove the period
2. The synopsis - 'On her journey in another world, she changes its fate and finds her happiness.'
- Should change to: 'On her journey to another world, she changes her fate and finds happiness'
3. The dialogue - This isn't a issue per se, but the dialogue format is very unique and might be confusing for some people, you should try the standard format
4. Some grammar mistakes in chapter 1

Good Points(IMO):
1. So far, your grammar is much better than a lot of original novels that I've seen(better than a lot in the top 20 - chapter 1 wise)

    mdrm Suggestions based on me checking on what Misguided_Rooster said
    (all for #3 and formatting)
    I have a feeling you would do much better if you knew how to utilize bold, italic, and u͟n͟d͟e͟r͟l͟i͟n͟e͟d text, I suggest using these two sites and copy and paste so you can (if they are not accessible, just search for Unicode text converters)
    For bold and italic: http://qaz.wtf/u/convert.cgi?text=Bold+and+Italic
    For u͟n͟d͟e͟r͟l͟i͟n͟e: https://yaytext.com/underline/

    And for dialogue, I suggest taking Misguided_Rooster's advice and using quotation marks at either side of those spoken words, use formatting and/or apostrophes for where you currently use quotation marks.;,;. ("=quotation mark, '=apostrophe)

    Edit: I know this is tedious, but it is very helpful when reading the story.;,;.

            Misguided_Rooster thank you for the feedback.

            In the synopsis she changes world's fate not her own

            About dialogs.. Thank you for the suggetion.
            English is not my first language and I'm still learning, so any help is appretiated.

            I'm a little confused about those "bold" and " underlined" parts. Where should I use them????

            Also, where is the period that you are talking about? And what is that anyways????

            Sorry for a lot of questions.

                DeJeL
                Sorry, but I have another question.

                How should my dialogue be changed? I didn't understand the concept.

                Can you, please, give a short example?

                    DeJeL
                    Also thank you forthe link. It will be very helpful.

                        I'm new author too Give me a try? I started 1 week ago. My novel is 'Beyond the Mask'

                        mdrm
                        The synopsis:
                        I'm 38 years-old single woman that had died because I gave my heart to my dear mother. I have very reliable siblings that will take care of her in my stead.
                        On her journey in another world, she changes its fate and finds her happiness.

                        The first-person (I) becomes third-person (she, her) in just a few sentences. You should be consistent. And why not introduce the protagonist's name in the synopsis.

                        Regarding the dialogue
                        -Mirta!!! How did you get here!? I was searching for you!

                        Change it to
                        "Mirta!!! How did you get here!? I was searching for you!"
                        It's something of a standard. Also easier to read.

                            mdrm hey I also felt that maybe you need to change the way your dialogue is presented. 🙂

                            For example, here's a dialogue like yours:
                            =Mom, it's okay.

                            You could change it to:
                            "Mom, it's okay."

                            To make it much pleasing to the eyes. But I really like your story! Do you have a discord? So we can communicate more! I want to share pointers with you 😄

                                mdrm Hi I just wanted to thank you for reading my new work I'm the demon lord but I died and now I'm the hero's best friend. Thank you for reading, also I'm going to read your novel, once I'm free. :)

                                    Bibliophile_Anna
                                    'Issues' I've found(IMO):
                                    1. The title - These types of titles are very repetitive in romance novels just like those with 'heavenly' or 'rebirth' they are kind of a turn off
                                    2. Synopsis - Too long and some grammar mistakes. You should simplify it, you're adding too much detail
                                    3. Grammar - Very few grammar mistakes; 'Jia Li's mother reminded her upon seeing her 𝒓𝒂𝒏(running) 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉(toward) the door'

                                        Hi people! I created this thread so that new authors could get honest feedbacks and get more views. This thread does not have a leader and I'm definitely not going to be the one ( my knowledge in language and management is way too lacking).

                                        this place is something like a chat, so feel free to speak your thoughts out, but be mindful of your tone.
                                        Thank you and I'm sorry for telling this so late.

                                          mdrm Thank you for this thread.

                                          In fact, I was wondering if my novel was interesting. Could someone read my first chapter and say me if it's looks interesting? I mean, is the debut of my story make you want to read more? Is it original?
                                          I wish to have something different even if I know that doing a non-mainstream on this site.
                                          Thank you to give me some pointers too.my novel is: 'Beyond the Mask'
                                          (Sorry I'm on phone, don't have the link now ')

                                          Edit;
                                          https://www.webnovel.com/book/12134991606975905/Beyond-the-Mask

                                          • mdrm replied to this.

                                              KimSasha It was reeeeaaaaly interesting!!!!!!!!!

                                              It felt realy fresh for me and it did make me read more. Keep up the good work!

                                                  mdrm Thank you~

                                                  I am happy to have achieved my goal then. I wanted to do something different. I hope people will appreciate it and give it a chance since it is far from being the kind of story that there is on the site. I take a risk, but who doesn't try anything, has nothing.

                                                      KimSasha
                                                      True. I hope that you will continue your work and get what you want😉

                                                          mdrm what is your discord Tag? For example mine is #5546?
                                                          You can add friends by:
                                                          1. Go to the toolbars
                                                          2. Click "Friends"
                                                          3. Click "Add Friend"
                                                          4. Type in the username and discord tag.

                                                          Example: Dawsonrose#5546

                                                          Try it if it is works!

                                                          • mdrm replied to this.

                                                              Misguided_Rooster I appreciate your honest feedback and really grateful for the suggestions you shared. I'll work on the things you'd said. I hope to make it better. Thank you so much! 😊

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