I'm not too great in explaining, so I just edited a little of your chapter. You can see below on other ways it could have been phrased.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ndzKVieZBvAZmgIbstGp6jYZ3k9mcQQhmMWZX4qov50/edit?usp=sharing
I'm not too great in explaining, so I just edited a little of your chapter. You can see below on other ways it could have been phrased.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ndzKVieZBvAZmgIbstGp6jYZ3k9mcQQhmMWZX4qov50/edit?usp=sharing
WinterBud Your story is amazing and I'm following it now, but I was joking with you earlier.
MeloncholyKay winterbud's story was amazing enough to make me feel inferior tbh
MeloncholyKay care to clarify? What format?? (⊙_☉)
WinterBud I'll check yours out!
Guys come on T.T
I mean, thank you so much for the compliment, but "making you feel inferior" -- reading that made my blood run cold (literally. I didn't know there was a reason that expression exists). I'm probably a lot older than you guys, I've had more years of practice (and wasted so much more time "studying" by binge-reading/watching stories :P). I wish I started serializing way earlier, I could also have practiced having a tough skin. Sorry for this largely aimless reply, guys, just woke up :grin: thanks again
DragonKnight531 your one liners
So i have a rule on qidian original section that i judge the whole webnovel by its synopsis, yours is written very poorly so i won't even bother wasting my time reading your work, but i will point a few errors in your synopsis since i'm in a good mood.
Avery" FemmeFoxtrot" Bailey??????????? what are these quotation marks for?
was diagnosed with a terminal disease that was untreatable. Terminal disease = untreatable hence why its called terminal, so saying it twice only makes it sound silly.
The next sentence is just a mess i won't even bother with it.
Next paragraph starts as if its a continuation of the previous one and it doesn't make sense, then if you keep reading it further you feel a slight twinge of pain in your left hemisphere as you try to deduce the meaning of that sentence.
I rate it 1.5/10, you know the alphabet and how to arrange the words into something that resembles a sentence.
On a serious note, if you are truly passionate and want to write then you must practice a lot. Write more and read more to improve your vocabulary, and most importantly you need to study some English grammar. To me it seems like you never read a book that was written in English and you try to mimic the closest thing you know, the webnovels on this website. And i'm telling you to not do it, because most of the translated work here is not really English.
There are many FREE online courses for writing and some of them are even on Youtube. My favorite fantasy author Brandon Sanderson has some great books that might interest you and he also has free lectures on youtube on how to write a story.
WinterBud welp, it's not the way you think, it's just an apt description to tell that yours have given me a few insights the learn ( it's like this)
Overlord_Venus It's fine, I understood after I calmed down. As a side note, I don't even want to read the things I wrote when I was younger (but I do, because I'm an M)
MeloncholyKay Thank you!
MeloncholyKay That was really helpful. I will keep this in mind.
Thanks for taking the effort to do this!
WinterBud so humble ಠ_ಠ
MeloncholyKay the synopsis?
Positive_Lullaby Oi can your criticize the shit out of mine as well (◎_◎; ) I can take it!
Positive_Lullaby unnecessary insults, but okay.
DragonKnight531 chapter 1
MeloncholyKay ohhhhh yeah I need fix that. Ill do that right now. How is the next chapter tho? Idk how I should do it. Should I do for lines 3 or just 6 lines. I've seen other books and some don't even do lines. If you look at my one reviewer he said the no skip line hurts his eyes since he's reading on a phone. Which is strange since i read it on my phone and it felt normal. I guess that was me half assing trying to fix it.
DragonKnight531 Not really, I worked for it so I'm proud to have it. But thanks :grin:
DragonKnight531 Sigh I think I know what you mean with a reviewer saying it hurts his eyes. Here's a LINK of a similar post, am I right? It was the spacing that hurts his eyes and that was because you have one whole paragraph before and after that ~(May)~ in your first chapter.
And then, I clarified it to you with this post LINK. :) I hoped then that this was clear but the correction you did was not what I posted. You just had to separate your one whole paragraph with only 2 - 3 sentences per paragraph, not separate the lines.
Maybe it's me who's not good at explaining. Then, I hope someone can clarify this to DragonKnight531.