Having only friends correct my work till now. I don’t get the harsh criticism that I need for improvements.
That’s why I am here, I really wish to write something ‘you‘ can enjoy!
If you have time read it, it’s anyway only two chapters right now. (3800 W)
Here is the link; Worldwide Sales

    Lappidappi I think 2 chapters are far from enough to make a good review ;p
    As long as you keep on writing, reviews will naturally appear as more people get interested in your novel and decide to review it, so don't worry too much and keep on writing

        Seink
        Thanks, I didn’t really mean to make this post for reviews, more like for real criticism.
        Like people finding things that don’t fit together, grammar mistakes etc.
        Of course I am happy if people give me good reviews but most of the time they don’t really help to improve myself. I would like reviews or pms where someone tells me which part sucks, they’re far more important to me!

            Lappidappi I took some time to read your novel.
            First let me warn you that I am also a beginner and all I will say is just own opinion, feel free to follow or discard my advises to suit your needs ;)
            Second, you asked me to make you cry, so I will do my best to fulfill your wish XD (just kidding)
            Aside from the grammatical errors in "memorising" and "seperated" the thing that most called my attention was how big the second chapter is. I put it in a word counter and it indicated 3261 words, that's a lot! (for a beginner)
            If it was me I would have separated it in several chapters, because:
            1)I usually have a single theme or focus in each chapter. Your second chapter was really broad and had many different focus points that could be easily separated... well, they were separated but only by a --- instead of a new chapter.
            2)After separating each of those points in a different chapter you would be forced to write more about those points, because you wouldn't want a chapter to be too small. This should help making these focus points more detailed and immersive.
            3)Releasing chapters daily is better than sparsely because it keeps the viewers engaged.
            4)If the chapter is too big, it may be exhausting for the readers to read it and for the writers to write it ;p (even more if you aim for daily release)

            Well, that's all I have to say :p
            Your writing will naturally improve as you write, don't worry too much and KEEP WRITING!
            Another good thing to do is read the Book of Authors as it has many useful tips there.
            Take your time to read it if you didn't yet.
            https://www.webnovel.com/book/10589139205070105
            And feel free to check my novel and make ME cry instead XD
            https://www.webnovel.com/book/13707246905901505/Dungeon-Farming%3A-Reborn-as-a-Dungeon-Lord%2C-cultivating-life-inside-a-cave.
            Good writing and good luck.

                Lappidappi okay, you've done a long and very boring "info dump" about your main character as the very beginning of the first chapter. You're trying to hook in readers those first couple of pages, not explain the main character yet. Start with his introduction of himself or a bit of humor or some action--something that'll interest a reader. We'll discover the MC's views of the world/situation as the story progresses, info just dumped like that will just be skipped or even completely turn off a reader.

                    Lappidappi Having actually finished the whole first chapter, whoa. Slow down dude. There's only one "scene" in the chapter, the meeting in the library. Everything else is info dump (you just stating what happened), which is extremely boring to a reader. This one chapter should be at least 10 chapters or just leave the whole thing out and start them as androids. I get the info is really important, but it should be shown through conversation and situations. I love when characters fall in love, the sweet path of meeting, flirting, confessing, learning to care for each other. You go from "hey I speak English" right into "we've been dating for years like a married couple" to "we're old and still love each other, let's get technology implanted and stay together" in like 5 pages. It's way too fast or just unimportant to begin the story with. Create more scenes and dialogue to get your information to us. Introduce more characters and have them chat. Describe where they are/what they are looking at to detail the world.

                        XOMatsumaeohana i really thought of making it comics but i didn't found someone to design the characters because i am so bad at arts if you have suggestion of someone that could help please tell me

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