Lappidappi I took some time to read your novel.
First let me warn you that I am also a beginner and all I will say is just own opinion, feel free to follow or discard my advises to suit your needs ;)
Second, you asked me to make you cry, so I will do my best to fulfill your wish XD (just kidding)
Aside from the grammatical errors in "memorising" and "seperated" the thing that most called my attention was how big the second chapter is. I put it in a word counter and it indicated 3261 words, that's a lot! (for a beginner)
If it was me I would have separated it in several chapters, because:
1)I usually have a single theme or focus in each chapter. Your second chapter was really broad and had many different focus points that could be easily separated... well, they were separated but only by a --- instead of a new chapter.
2)After separating each of those points in a different chapter you would be forced to write more about those points, because you wouldn't want a chapter to be too small. This should help making these focus points more detailed and immersive.
3)Releasing chapters daily is better than sparsely because it keeps the viewers engaged.
4)If the chapter is too big, it may be exhausting for the readers to read it and for the writers to write it ;p (even more if you aim for daily release)

Well, that's all I have to say :p
Your writing will naturally improve as you write, don't worry too much and KEEP WRITING!
Another good thing to do is read the Book of Authors as it has many useful tips there.
Take your time to read it if you didn't yet.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/10589139205070105
And feel free to check my novel and make ME cry instead XD
https://www.webnovel.com/book/13707246905901505/Dungeon-Farming%3A-Reborn-as-a-Dungeon-Lord%2C-cultivating-life-inside-a-cave.
Good writing and good luck.

      Lappidappi okay, you've done a long and very boring "info dump" about your main character as the very beginning of the first chapter. You're trying to hook in readers those first couple of pages, not explain the main character yet. Start with his introduction of himself or a bit of humor or some action--something that'll interest a reader. We'll discover the MC's views of the world/situation as the story progresses, info just dumped like that will just be skipped or even completely turn off a reader.

          Lappidappi Having actually finished the whole first chapter, whoa. Slow down dude. There's only one "scene" in the chapter, the meeting in the library. Everything else is info dump (you just stating what happened), which is extremely boring to a reader. This one chapter should be at least 10 chapters or just leave the whole thing out and start them as androids. I get the info is really important, but it should be shown through conversation and situations. I love when characters fall in love, the sweet path of meeting, flirting, confessing, learning to care for each other. You go from "hey I speak English" right into "we've been dating for years like a married couple" to "we're old and still love each other, let's get technology implanted and stay together" in like 5 pages. It's way too fast or just unimportant to begin the story with. Create more scenes and dialogue to get your information to us. Introduce more characters and have them chat. Describe where they are/what they are looking at to detail the world.

              XOMatsumaeohana i really thought of making it comics but i didn't found someone to design the characters because i am so bad at arts if you have suggestion of someone that could help please tell me

                  Seink

                  CinnaSugar

                  Thanks to both of you for holding out and reading the second chapter too!

                  Seink: Thanks a lot! Sadly your criticism didn’t make me cry..
                  More like making me laugh and jump in happiness.
                  I think that you have a really good point, saying I should separate the themes and make them into many chapters.
                  For me it was more of trying to make a fast introduction that in someway connected the reader to the character and getting to the main part. Which as I can see now didn’t succeed as I imagined.
                  I am going to rewrite it in more detail in separate chapters!

                  Cinna: I am just so happy that someone took his time to read it.
                  I am so thankful for your tips I am gonna do a rewrite for now!
                  I totally agree with all your points, now I have a better idea of how I can keep the reader more interested! Thanks!
                  Sorry for only making a short reply but I am just so excited to write!
                  ..And everything you guys wrote is right so there is nothing really for me to say.*

                  If it’s fine with both of you I will tag you when I rewrote it, of course I will spare you another 3200 words!

                      Allen_Clay012 I read the synopsis and the first chapter of your novel Land Warrior. I'll review it once I finish reading 5 or more chapters, since a review shouldn't be based on just 1 chapter. If you want to cry, you are welcome to read further (lol just kidding; I'm no good at writing novels either)

                      So here's the thing, your grammar is a little messed up. First of all you need to work on tenses (try to write the whole sentence or paragraph relating to an event in a particular tense throughout, since I even saw different tenses in a single sentence), then probably prepositions and it would be better if you improve your punctuation as well (there weren't enough commas or semi-colons where people take a break to breathe, like while reading)

                      But these can even be typos so don't get too worked up due to grammatical mistakes, we are all humans and we all make them!

                      I wanted to point out that if you want your reader to get a great experience by reading your novel, try to stimulate all their 5 senses (like touch/feel, smell, taste but the most important one, vision) .

                      For example, in the first chapter, when the three men in their 20s get on the ferry, you can give the feels to your readers by describing the ferry, the port on which they arrived to get into the ferry, the veiw from the port, as in - The cool winter breeze (just an example, you can describe the weather which is relevant to your story) was sweeping away the warmth of the people gathered at the port. The sun was setting/rising as a fiery scarlet ball on top of a blue carpet of water, etc
                      ( I learned this senses trick from an English literature teacher in my school)
                      P.S. I'm no expert at all this, I just told you what I'd like to read as a reader.

                          mysterious_being Yup, I think I will cry hahaha... Btw, all fine by me. Maybe I will revamp all of my chapters first. I was about to write two drafts but I think the senses thing you suggested will help. About colons and semi-colon usage. I am unfamiliar with the semi-colons, only with colons and commas. (Despite the fact Philippines is well known for English usage, the fact remains I am one of the few who is not proficient with it). Thanks for the tips.

                          P.S. I admit my work is a bit rushed. I am pressured with "update stability". I shall take things slowly by the way as I edit my recent chapters. (I feel so ashamed, it feels like I am letting people read my drafts!)

                              Allen_Clay012 I too make a lot of grammatical mistakes, so it's nothing to cry about, I just know things from English textbooks, but I cannot apply them for myself either (I'm a really lousy writer, but a really picky reader).
                              It's not like you do not know, but one can make mistakes when writing under pressure to update regularly. Just focus on quality of content for now, you can increase the frequency later

                              I really like the way you give details on events in you novel, I think it helps the readers a lot. There are many things which I like about your novel, but since you wanted criticism, I just pointed out the mistakes I found. So do not lower your self-esteem, you have a lot of potential! I posted that review based off of just one chapter, so do not take it very seriously

                                  mysterious_being I can never make you cry in my remarks towards your story. It is intriguing especially the part you revived Stephen Hawking in your story. I am one of his fans by the way despite the fact I know little of him and his works. I liked your writing style also it is vivid, easy to understand and I cannot detect any errors in grammar(I am very poor in detecting one). You can really get the gist of the flow of the story. I really wish I can write like you but maybe I will try my best in rewriting my chapters. I will rate your work 4.5 out of 5 but as of the moment I will have to reach the final chapter of your story to write my review.

                                  Thank you for the insights earlier. It really helped! :D

                                      Lappidappi

                                      3800 words is a short short story. If this is the beginning of a novel then you're basically still setting up the rules. Hence there's no way in hell you'll be able to cover more than two out of the big four; language, character, setting and plot.

                                      Language should always be a given. It's enough with a 350 word page to get a pretty good grasp of if the language used is OK or not.

                                      Character would normally be the best to flesh out quickly, but some stories require plot to be solid more or less from page one -- murder mysteries come to mind.

                                      Setting should usually take a back seat during the extreme beginning of a story. Else you'll normally walk into the minefield with huge, red warning flags signalling 'here be exposition'.

                                          Allen_Clay012 You might find it boring until you reach chapters 4/5, since I wrote all that in a hurry, and it basically has the rules and working of time travel, but I recommend you to read the last 3 chapters, i.e. , chapter 7,8 and 9. That is when I focus more on the story.
                                          Thanks for the positive review btw.

                                              CinnaSugar

                                              Seink

                                              StenDuring

                                              I did my first rewrite I hope it’s more interesting if you guys find some spelling mistakes or parts that don’t flow nicely in your opinion please pm me or comment !
                                              Hopefully I learned out of the criticism !

                                                      https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/13975655405749205?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4303977620

                                                      Title: The Life Of A Time Mage

                                                      Sypnopsis: You've heard of us Time Mages. About us manipulating time. It is true, but only to a minor extent. Like Element Mages who control their specific Elements, Time Mages control Time. Those fables about Time travelling is neither wrong nor accurate. We can Time travel, but we can't change the space. That's why it is called Time Frame Hopping.

                                                      I'll try read yours as well.

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