- Edited
Flabbergasted
Uh, I've looked through your story... I recommend you look up, and try to understand English punctuation rules. Your story has no real punctuation. Its all commas for some reason? With messed up quotations, commas outside of quotations... just really beginner mistakes. There's also a whole chapter that's written like a screen play, which needs to be rewritten in its entirety to tell a story. Screams lazy...
You've been writing this since August, and in 5 months never bothered to look any of this stuff up? Editing your own story is free... but you want someone to fix all of your basic errors for free? Good luck finding that unicorn honey.