bishop1275

All in all, the writing is not bad, but it's not phenomenal either, aka it's not something I would read simply because the writing is fantastic. A little too much tell in some parts, but first person novel, so I guess. en

    lilGoat

    Finished reading up to chapter 10, I believe.

    Not bad, but too much info dump exposition at certain parts that bore me.
    I despise reading that.

    Anyways, I don't have anything to say about the romance. The story's ok, plot development is slow, I don't know where you're trying to go, maybe I shouldn't have skimmed the info dumps, but this is what happens.

      lilGoat

      There's some commas missing in chapter 10, opening paragraph

        lilGoat

        Also your writing is pretty good, tone down the complexity in certain parts.

        Writing with too many hard hitting words will make the reader not understand, and writing too long will drown out certain words like white noise.

        What I'm saying is you need some simpler sentences. AND SIMPLER PARAGRAPHS. Reading your paragraphs can be extremely ailing and mind-slogging since all of them are going into what I call "essay length".

        That aside though, I really enjoy your writing. It's extremely visual.

        lilGoat

        Your writing is quite impressive. The details, descriptions, diction and sentence structure in the novel are amazing. We have polar opposite writing styles: yours is much more solemn and description heavy, while mine tends to be a lot more dialogue focused and satirical.

          Admisful

          read, the writing is easy to follow, and the idea of your novel will probably be fun for others.

          I don't really want to read another system novel tho, but your book will probably be popular for general audiences.

          First two chapters are kind of boring tho.

            Ysabel_xox

            Your novel is slice of life, so far. The prologue made it seem like it was going to be some sort of revenge/heartbreak story lol.

            I just think you need to speed up the pace, work on your writing a bit, and the characters.

              Chantielu

              quick question to you, how come your dynamic web novel and web novel site have different covers?

              dynamic.webnovel vs. web novel.com

                Chantielu

                not bad writing, I'm not sure where the story is going, so far tho.

                Chapter 9

                  sharrnister

                  ehh, your novel has some of the same themes as heaven's official blessing.

                  and I enjoyed 3/4 of that novel (HOB), (didn't really care all that much for the romance tho).

                  However, I don't really like reading your novel? Sorry, I dunno. HOB has mystery and humor, and a compelling intrigue that is established in the first chapter. I'll continue reading to see if my opinion changes later. Up to chapter 12 rn.

                    1st_Manga_KING
                    link it next time, I'm lazy as a Cheeto, and a Cheeto can't move, y'know.

                      1st_Manga_KING

                      problems with writing and tropes. also use the author's notes, it's there for a reason.

                        AuHNG
                        Can I ask you one thing though, as I've heard some of these critiques before, but regarding the story progression, how big of a turn off is it for you as a reader that it's slow? Or that it is unclear at this point where it's headed?

                          1st_Manga_KING

                          your novel has a similar beginning to two webtoons I read, something about princesses, a father who's kind of a douche, and a sexist society that the fl has to change.

                          I didn't like reading them.

                          Anyways, I dunno, I'll continue reading maybe later. Chapter 6 right now.

                            lilGoat

                            No, I wouldn't say it's terrible, as I'd probably continue reading your novel out of all the novels I read so far. Still I get bored really quickly.

                            Maybe make it 1.5 times faster.

                              lilGoat

                              I suffer from slow progression too, but it's mainly because I have 60 chapters already written that I'm currently polishing, and everything I'm writing is filler as I finish doing that.

                                Web Novel Novel Ask