AuHNG Okay, thanks. I'll try to improve. 😊 But, I really wasn't trying to go for that kind of feel. I especially avoided filter words for that main purpose.

I don't want it to seem like I'm telling a story, but showing the reader my story. If you get what I'm trying to say. But, I seemed to have missed something. I'll have to go back and see.

Thanks for the incite. It means a lot.

      You can read and add any or all if you like.
      I am adding yours.
      My roommate is a devil
      https://m.webnovel.com/book/my-roommate-is-a-devil_18707601006836005
      Entwined souls
      https://m.webnovel.com/book/entwined-souls_18615498805321605
      My fairytale
      https://m.webnovel.com/book/my-fairytale_18800096006221205
      Where the dream losts
      https://m.webnovel.com/book/where-the-dream-losts_18262567805953605

        Chantielu

        Yeah, avoid filler, but I'm just saying, there's some dynamicity missing. Obv, rick riordan has his style and you have yours

            Ysabel_xox

            Didn't like your novel. I think you need to work on your writing skills.
            Grammar and punctuation, but even more than that, the characters aren't extremely interesting.
            Then again, it perfectly captures how middle schoolers act, the way you write the characters out feels like middle schoolers/freshmen in high school, so if you want to age the characters down a bit, the story would make more sense.

                Ysabel_xox

                I can't say I have more advice for you, other than keep on writing.

                I don't really have time to give specific critique

                    AuHNG Oof I really need to improve my grammar lol. English is not my main language so it's a little hard for me. Thanks for giving my story a chance. We have different tastes or opinions so I understand. Thanks for the honest opinion!

                        bishop1275

                        I don't really like romance. Romance is extremely boring to me, unless it's fluff or just this respectful romance that builds after years of connection.

                        If it's a fl novel, I find that the guy is usually rich, usually "mysterious", "possessive", "player", and also extremely boring to me.

                        I read way too many romances when I was younger for it to be interesting for me, and most romance novels are girl--> guy and not guy--> girl. Though, I've also read a lot of harems, and disliked those, too.

                          Ysabel_xox

                          I'm just telling you that most high schoolers/college students curse. Some don't, but nobody really makes a huge deal.

                          The mc is way too innocent, but considering he's a "young master" type, eh.

                          I read up to chapter 20.

                          So, that's why I'm saying that it's unrealistic. In fact you could make the characters down a couple years, because highschoolers, even the freshmen go to parties and some of them drink. (Technically illegal)

                              bishop1275

                              All in all, the writing is not bad, but it's not phenomenal either, aka it's not something I would read simply because the writing is fantastic. A little too much tell in some parts, but first person novel, so I guess. en

                                  lilGoat

                                  Finished reading up to chapter 10, I believe.

                                  Not bad, but too much info dump exposition at certain parts that bore me.
                                  I despise reading that.

                                  Anyways, I don't have anything to say about the romance. The story's ok, plot development is slow, I don't know where you're trying to go, maybe I shouldn't have skimmed the info dumps, but this is what happens.

                                      lilGoat

                                      There's some commas missing in chapter 10, opening paragraph

                                          lilGoat

                                          Also your writing is pretty good, tone down the complexity in certain parts.

                                          Writing with too many hard hitting words will make the reader not understand, and writing too long will drown out certain words like white noise.

                                          What I'm saying is you need some simpler sentences. AND SIMPLER PARAGRAPHS. Reading your paragraphs can be extremely ailing and mind-slogging since all of them are going into what I call "essay length".

                                          That aside though, I really enjoy your writing. It's extremely visual.

                                            lilGoat

                                            Your writing is quite impressive. The details, descriptions, diction and sentence structure in the novel are amazing. We have polar opposite writing styles: yours is much more solemn and description heavy, while mine tends to be a lot more dialogue focused and satirical.

                                                Admisful

                                                read, the writing is easy to follow, and the idea of your novel will probably be fun for others.

                                                I don't really want to read another system novel tho, but your book will probably be popular for general audiences.

                                                First two chapters are kind of boring tho.

                                                    Ysabel_xox

                                                    Your novel is slice of life, so far. The prologue made it seem like it was going to be some sort of revenge/heartbreak story lol.

                                                    I just think you need to speed up the pace, work on your writing a bit, and the characters.

                                                        Chantielu

                                                        quick question to you, how come your dynamic web novel and web novel site have different covers?

                                                        dynamic.webnovel vs. web novel.com

                                                            Chantielu

                                                            not bad writing, I'm not sure where the story is going, so far tho.

                                                            Chapter 9

                                                                Web Novel Novel Ask