AuHNG Yes, I'm so inspired and a fan of Heaven. is it because it has the same element? It's fine if you don't like it, tho. I just want to know 😊 I'm good with that, also I'll edit the blurb, and I'm still improving my writing. thank you for checking it out!

    AuHNG Would love to see how this fares Link

    It is not my locked book. It is a book I wrote almost a year ago. Also added your book to my library

      AuHNG not even sure. I'm going to have to take a look at that

        sharrnister

        I was reading really fast, but I'll see if it improves, good luck!

        I was a really bad writer when I started writing, everyone is constantly improving.

        sharrnister

        one thing I recommend is working with an outline, and not making the romance cringy.

        That's all I can say, cause tbh, most romance is cringy to me lol.

          Overlord_Venus

          pretty cool.

          How come it doesn't have more views?

          I guess it's harder to get noticed on web novel now after they started promoting mostly featured novels.

            Overlord_Venus

            Oh, your novel got restricted, I think.

            That's probably why.

            You might want to appeal with web novel or something.

              AuHNG thank you for your opinion, yea tbh the first chap to me is cringy lmao but thank you again

              AuHNG thank you for your opinion, yea tbh the first chap to me is cringy lmao but thank you again

              Hi! Why don't you try this one!
              alernatetext

              When a mundane, idyllic life is finally disrupted by approaching death, unraveling memories, strange conversations, and blossoming love.
              June is your typical high school loner who prefers to use her astronomical brain to question the world than learn how to make friends. Others think she's spoiled, snobbish, arrogant, but within her is three years' worth of forgotten memories she cannot pull to the surface and strings of complexities from being an adopted child. However, one day as she winds up on her haunted territory to eat lunch, she sees a rather unexpected presence; the school's dreamy hero, Daire, who seems to be hiding a life-changing mystery.

              https://www.webnovel.com/book/death-is-beautiful..._18788658906170105

                AuHNG I can totally agree on what you said. I will edit the chapters. Thank you for the advice!

                Hello okay, I'm interested, you can try mine if you like.
                I was on hiatus, an I'm back to continue my book.

                links

                I will collect yours...

                good night

                  AuHNG It didn't do well on webnovel, dunno why. I just contracted it to another site and have been posting it there. It's hard for any new themes to do well on webnovel

                    AuHNG

                    How boring is it? The first five or so chapters will be similar, so if it's put off, then I can change it. The story will be faster paced as it progresses. I appreciate your honesty.

                      Admisful

                      I dunno, I'll have to continue reading.

                      It might not be boring later.

                        Anotoki

                        I go back to review all the books in my collection, so I'll comment directly on your book if I see any improvement.

                          Title: Wanted Wanters

                          Genres: Shounen-Seinen, Action, Comedy, Fantasy-Adventure, Dark, Military

                          Synopsis: Want something?
                          Just think about it and you shall have it.
                          Money, women, power, name it and you shall have it in your grasp.
                          Welcome to the World of Wanters.
                          Dillon Ainsworth is like any other high school student except he was born with a special ability. One day he meets a mysterious man who knows about his ability after befriending that man he soon finds himself caught in a conflict between two organizations who want to use his ability for their ulterior motives.

                          https://www.webnovel.com/book/wanted-wanters_18203162106825905

                            PatuSen

                            dreamy HeRo

                            I CAN't whyyyyyy ahahahHAHFHahef

                            the writing is good tho.

                              AuHNG

                              I'm liking your honest, critical reviews. You don't get that as often anymore. Please read mine if you get the chance! I'm a new and budding author. This book is more so about the complexities of mental health, romance, and the brink of war on the human species. It follows a non- human underdog protagonist and describes his struggles against society and rebellion.

                              https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/18765450505913905?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4315044108

                                AuHNG

                                I'm liking your honest, critical reviews. You don't get that as often anymore. Please read mine if you get the chance! I'm a new and budding author. This book is more so about the complexities of mental health, romance, and the brink of war on the human species. It follows a non- human underdog protagonist and describes his struggles against society and rebellion.

                                https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/18765450505913905?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4315044108

                                  LeeMaRi1999

                                  blurb is too wordy in a bad way. It sounds like rambling. You need to separate some of the sentences into shorter length.

                                  After a certain mermaid was not able to bring herself to kill the prince and dissolved into a foam, she found herself reincarnated as a mermaid spirit in the 21st century in South Korea. She has achieved what she has always wanted, and that is to become a human, but when someone splashes water on her bare feet, she becomes a mermaid. In this life, she found out the evil sea witch's descendant was a man who happened to be able to transform himself from a fisherman's son to a rich businessman and the CEO of the company that she's currently working on. But then, she has to successfully make the prince, whom she vaguely remembers his face, fall in love with her within 100 days to become human again. Chaos arrives when she finds herself torn between the two people who made her life miserable. Will she be able to carry out her mission to make the reincarnated prince fall for her or will she fall in love with one of the two along with the process?

                                  After a certain mermaid was not able to bring herself to kill the prince and dissolved into a foam, she found herself reincarnated as a mermaid spirit in the 21st century in South Korea. She has achieved what she has always wanted: to become a human. Still, when someone splashes water on her bare feet, she becomes a mermaid. In this life, she finds (use present here, because blurb) out the evil sea witch's descendant is a man who happens* to be able to transform himself from a fisherman's son to a rich businessman (this part is extremely confusing, happens to be able (is wordy) but it also means something that could happen again, especially the "be able" part, in your context, you're saying that he DID transform himself, which would be better phrased as: She finds out... a man who managed to transform himself (climb the ranks) from a fisherman's son to a rich businessman.

                                  He is also the CEO of the company that she's currently working on. Yet, she has to successfully make the prince, whom she vaguely remembers his face (so unnecessarily wordy), fall in love with her within 100 days to become human again. Chaos arrives when she finds herself torn between the two people who made her life miserable. Will she be able to carry out her mission to make the reincarnated prince fall for her or will she fall in love with one of the two along with the process?

                                  You have way to many prepositions in the same sentence and some are used incorrectly. You want to use present tense for summary/blurb, and past tense for novels.
                                  I might just rewrite this for you:

                                  After a certain mermaid fails to kill the prince and tragically dissolves into sea-foam, she finds herself reincarnated in 21st century, South Korea. Finally, she has achieved what she has always wanted: to become a human. Still, whenever someone splashes water on her bare feet, she reverts back into a mermaid. In this life, she finds out that the evil sea witch's descendant is a man who managed to transform himself from a poor, fisherman's son to a rich businessman and the CEO of the company that she currently works for. At the same time, she has to successfully make the prince, whose face she vaguely remembers, fall in love with her. With only 100 days on the clock, she has to find a way to become human again. Chaos ensues when she finds herself torn between the two people who had made her life miserable. Will she be able to carry out her mission to make the reincarnated prince fall for her or will she fall with the evil witch's descendent instead?

                                    LeeMaRi1999

                                    And I see that the tense changes happen in your novel as well. You go from "I am wearing to I wore", with the entire paragraph mostly in past tense.

                                    Present tense is allowed for example when you keep things strictly in present tense, or used in a clause, but when used stand-offishly, it's very awkward. Not to mention, novel convention is to write in past tense, and if you're writing in third person, present tense rarely works well. Present tense is often used poorly.

                                    You're writing in first person, which means you can use present tense, but, when present tense is done incorrectly, it's extremely clunky

                                      LeeMaRi1999

                                      I feel like your writing is getting to be pretty, but the the clutter makes it harder for it to shine. You tend to use long sentences, and some of them are run ons with independent clauses. You switch way too much between present and past tense.

                                      And I don't mean like:
                                      I was running through the house when she interrupted, breaking my thoughts. (which is cohesive)

                                      More like:
                                      I was running through the house. She interrupts and breaks my thoughts. (this is too jarring)

                                      It seems as if your novel might work better in past tense mostly, and present tense when addressing readers, but keep it cohesive in one paragraph.

                                        Hi, just skimmed through this post and d*mn you give honest feedback. Anyways, here is my novel. Not too much romance, so hopefully it will not be too boring! It's about Cinderella, but different. The key elements are all there: The Shoe, The Ball, The Prince, The Stepfamily, etc. I made it more realisic and gave it my own twist. Please give it a read!
                                        https://www.webnovel.com/book/a-cinderella-story---untold-files_18204031106830705

                                          PatuSen

                                          One thing I find is that you're not keeping tense consistent.

                                          If I could copy and past, I would show you what I mean, but basically, you write

                                          I found... he sits... I came... He was... I forget.

                                          All in the same paragraph.

                                          Try to keep tense at least the same in one paragraph. Otherwise you end up with something that's not cohesive.

                                            PatuSen

                                            Another thing is that I notice you tend to throw a lot of references, but too many can be a bit distracting. Try to keep it balanced. Not every piece of dialogue needs to have an entire metaphor behind it.

                                            Writings not bad, I would say it's decent, except for a few idiosyncrasies. The metaphors that you use aren't bad either... they feel very intriguing. If you fix your grammar a bit and keep the tenses more consistent, your writing would be really good. I'm impressed.

                                              Alexhamane

                                              first chapter:

                                              info dump,
                                              character introduction
                                              Character characteristic dump instead of introduction,
                                              Many syntax and capitalization mistakes.

                                              It seems like you're writing more for a drama then you are for an actual book that people will read. Please remember people partially choose books because they like what you can do with writing that you can't do in other mediums. For movies/shows/dramas, it's cinematography and music and beautiful visuals. For things like comics, it's visuals n cool transitions. For books, it's the writing, the exposition, n the rhythm of every words.

                                              Try working on your writing. Even if you want to write fast, it would be better to first make your writing look somewhat decent first.

                                                Web Novel Novel Ask