- Edited
@Jo_J Please remember that all critiques are done with love
It is all personal opinion, and completely up to you to decide what to do with. Ignore it, or use it: it’s up to you.
Synopsis: Personally, I find it a bit lacking. I like that it explains what type of story you’re about to read, but it has no real details about the book’s plot(names, characters’ connections, etc..). I do like that it tells you that it pertains to the editorial world of a male magazine business, but having ‘betrayal’ on there twice is a bit redundant. I would switch one of them out with either ‘deception’, or ‘treachery’.(my thesaurus is my best friend
)
Story Plot: it’s hard to comment on because I only read the first three chapters, but what I gleaned from them is that the narcissistic editor had invited the new chief editor over for dinner. He has the flashback of their first meeting, but that was it. So far so good, but I would also introduce/tease the forementioned betrayal. Something like: ‘the dinner was just the first step to his intricate plot..’ Just as a hook at the end of the first chapter.
World building: You are doing very well with this so far. The food descriptions, clothes, etc.. Are all described very well. I would suggest adding room descriptions, but that usually depends on the amount of time that the characters will be spending in each room, per scene. If they’re going to be spending a lot of time at his place or the office, describe things like window sizes, wall and/or color/texture, table arrangements, amount of light in the room, etc.. This will help the readers better picture the scenes in their mind’s eye.
Technicals: I didn’t see any misspellings, but there are a lot of sentence structure errors like running sentences, punctuation errors, and past/present mixups. What helps me is to read the sentence out loud. If you have to take a breath while saying the sentence, then there should be a comma, semicolon, or a colon. Depending on the length of the pause or emphasis you want within the sentence, or if there is a specific point being made within the sentence. Also, be careful about your wordage. I had left a comment about using ‘vast’ instead of ‘enormous’, but here’s another example:
In(I think) chapter two you had called the FM’s skin ‘silky’ when they had first met. You need to say ‘silky-looking’ since he hadn’t actually touched her yet.
Overall: It’s an interesting story, but it needs a hook to carry the reader into the next chapter. There were also unnecessary things at the start of some sentences like ‘besides’. Starting sentences like that is meant to connect/extend large thoughts or details together. Overall I think your book has great potential, especially here on Webnovel(once some editing is done). I hope you found this helpful. I apologize if anything sounded mean; I swear it wasn’t meant to
It’s difficult to be delicate online
He's at that cute toddler stage
Damn it! It should’ve worked! Soo much time lost
I’ll copy and paste the review here shortly. Did you want me to re-read through and comment? I can’t do it for a few days, but I can redo them if you want.