Livylivalive

Synopsis, very poetic but didn't get sleep last night (migraine) so it makes it almost unreadable, nice broad use of words though. Theme is interesting and the setting. It reminds me of story of Napoleonic wars with dragons. Military equipment realism is always good.Same goes with all manner of things. For all fantasy writers even the weight of cold coins should be measured to some extend.

Here is video about it:
Lesson of the day, what ever you write as a writer, study the subject at least the main topics of it.

Your writing style remind me of First Law Trilogy, at least glance through it you might be surprised its like even darker and synical version of what you have written. Balanced dialogue, maybe world setting could be expressed more clearly. Some info dumping could be handled more vigorously. But as proper tone, there are no dignities in war. Only purposelly glorification, brutalization, interpretations, fact mutilation, narrative wars and maybe one day a book or two written with more clarity but still generalization by a historian. War never changes. You write also nicely the moral personal hazard of the war and violence that is nice. Deepens the tragedy ay.
scroll scroll scroll, where is the economy* o nice grand gestures and proper etiquette. Nice beginning, still story is for good reason slow burn but it has good thing going. Maybe Ill try remember it and look it up from youtube with robot voice telling it to me in a very human way later. Have to read a lot every day so it is what it is. Modern miracles.

      vesnxx

      Olrait, decadent suggar dady opinions coming through as requested xDD
      Back to the mega serious SCARY professional business of art director review.

      Synopsis: Dayymm drama starts at the synopsis already/5
      Copyright: act from 1988/5, I suggest to use copyright classifications instead either some copyright classification or one of the creative commons https://creativecommons.org/ by this choice you can pretty much dictate everything of the use and tell it only by a single line of text in form of classification. Example “Furggelen afterglow” by Lukas Schlagenhauf is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.
      drama: sleazy bag that gropes/5, maybe they marry in chapter 2. Never give up hope but when it goes wrong its just nope.
      Legal issue drama 1/5 its common sense to battle for a good reason against stupid law breaking scumbaggery people who abuse their landlord powers. There has to be evident real reason. Just making a lawyer call them is typically the best. They can tell in perfect way how idiotic it would be according to law 🙂
      Style of writing is the kind of hectic phased dialogue driven not a lot love for world building kind of thing. The slower the story goes more possibilities there are for this. I personally love 2-3 pages of info dumps to the autistical perfection. mmmmm tasty. 😁
      Otherwise this reminds me of English soap opera dialogue+ scenery plan writing. Not what I typically read but these things have immense audience also so what do I know. To give benefit of the doubt at least there is more flesh lust and action going on than in your normal merry sue run of the mill milk and cookies at 2 pm kind of lullaby laziness endless TV series with laughing track on it.

          Majer3 yo, add me discord I wanna ask you something and thx. ( Choka#4515).

              Majer3 thank you for advice and opinion I apreciate it 😁😁 and I know it's not one of my best but it blummed in moments when I read the title of the WPC so I am proud of my fast imagination 🤣🤣🤣 but am almost daily going through it looking for imptovements honestly ;P

                  vesnxx

                  Yea its hard stuff to do quality with speed. Have to be wired for it.

                    Majer3 Majer3 thanks, I’ll study more on economy and try to handle info dump. This was really useful. And yes, war is horrible, in every ways. I’ll read the first law trilogy if I have time. Hope you get some sleep, and have a nice day and sweet dreams <(^_^)>

                          Majer3 Yeah, I should notify them more. The problem is there were robbers in the kingdom who were robbing the citizens. Yeah, I think I hadn't mentioned it in the chapter. But the complaints about the kingdom firstly come to the Chief commissioners, Alvis who was ordered to solve them and later inform him about every problem. He was ill as I mentioned in the first chapter with the maid scene so the readers could get through the robbers scene. But now I think I should write it in the king's dialogue that "I was ill and you don't even care to inform me about this matter." I will edit the part of king's dialogue. So, readers could get it easily. By the way, I was making the process of ML and FL to come closer. I am thankful to you for pointing out the mistakes that I even don't consider.

                              LingYueYan

                              Ah the young non-insta löööv by LingYueYan in form of Contemporary Romance lets se,

                              -Dialogue functional
                              -Car brand details important/5 xDD But does it has a nice spinner car dusters tho..
                              -Not only this thing has drama but it has the juicy family chat group drama D: I didn't even know this thing could exist!
                              -äääääääää family life/5 (not my thing too fussy) xD But probl normal person would think its wholesome af
                              -The arguing is just the kind of thing that causes nausea and panic reaction to find smarter people.
                              -Why can I relate to evilMC but not so much to airhead MC. Corruption??
                              -Overall okay work, Not the genre I would go for but there was not a big deal wrong with it either. Maybe medium and high arcs for plot could be displayed with more agency to get some drive going.

                                  Dreamerx30

                                  Yea and not everyone has the level of detail than royal family and some things are not known by others so. Its slow burn anyway. But when it comes to the interaction of the upper echelon of any decently run empire THE FATHER OF THE EMPIRE, MAXIMILIA THEODOR LUDWIG DRAGUS THE THIRD WILL HAND HIS CLAIM ON THE SITUATION IN MOST MAJESTIC WAY (and with the information from thousands of spies and guards, organizations and he is holding the hundreds of delegates and workers under each ministry. Just to make point of that the information flow is good to be felt like in different manner.

                                      MansonFD7

                                      Okay hell yea sci fi for a change. Lets see.. Dark oh wonderful, romance eh?? Well maybe there is light after dark or so they claim. Nooot entirely sure about the superduper hero power stuff I really dont want to see any failed Marvel moneygrap normal people superhero stuff ever again x,D but advanced technology is always nice.
                                      -Parents Strongly Cautioned makes me think maybe I should only review these/5
                                      -Apocalypse, okay I hope it would have that existential thread of emotion that Falout intros have about the condition of humanity.
                                      -Grammar mistakes/ if you are not native or even if you are use Grammarly premium google for cheaper code tho it drops the price from 144 to 115 dollars. Its only for the year tho, but if you write a lot and would need editing otherwise its for a year pretty decent deal and comes up with a lot of stuff that permit even me to pass text to public without too much of worry.
                                      -Hey have to give a author credit for honest contemplation of his gaming selection its nice to have these kind of reflections. People tend to use auxiliar chapters way too little.
                                      -After nice infodump prelude several chapters are almost purely dialogue with action packed stuff. Could it hurt the actions too much to write in between the changes of skenery, feelings, contemplations and such. When we think any complex solutions there has to be contemplation. Even genius has to weight their odds now and then.
                                      -Also the agency and feeling of what goals are are a bit plurred by the lack of contemplation and thinking with dialogue heavy writing. But yea this is still relativelly easy way to rise the level of writing from action skenario writing to action scifi writing.

                                        Majer3 Thanks for the review ^^. I will work harder to make the characters and plot interesting.

                                            Moonwriting

                                            I am the one who will tell when I stop ;D

                                            Nice humantraficing and dark during the morning tea. Everything is fantastic.
                                            Now I will go see continuation will it appeal in bad light to go woke go broke.inc &entity or will it display the actual true ugliness of the human traficing in its clorious post-imperial manners. Realism after all is the key to the wisdom.
                                            -Com oon guys, slicing? Are you some nannies in the kindergarden. Here is what you are going to do, first you take 30 hungry rats and you put the traitor hanging with the rope on top of bucket just that he can stand on it. Then you let the rats have their meal. When the guy drops you waterboard him, after you give him sock treatment and then its hammer time. And just when they are about dead you treaten them with their family, relatives, fucking pet gerbil if you have to for information acquisition. After, disposin of the body is very nice to do with the pigs. One hungry pig will consume several kilos per minute with the bones so your task of disposing human corpse is guite fast indeed. Alternativelly use chemical methods. Slicing aijaijai 😅
                                            -Mafiaboss with control of europe but doesn't know how to effectively interrogate people/5. There is too many functional things that keep getting me distracted to think that the boss is just a some logal thug and don't have proper skills and manners to be able to conduct multicountry wide organization with countless number of adverseries, interpol, Eu police agreements, and so on. Ok ok its a novel but the guy who even technically could do that would have to be a lot more smarter and a whole a lot more cruel to be realistic.
                                            -back to the story after ranting xD
                                            -Environments could be nice to descripe in the mids of dialogue flow.
                                            -And now you are saying that they are not keepin their damn humans/products in perfect condition for trading? Bad teeths would be the worst for anyone unless they plan to take all the teeth away. Ok ok I don't judge maybe they are doing special delivery. We will see.

                                            -Love is the strangest animal. You have a super genius mafiaboss who despite his incompetence somehow can have hold on whole entirety of europe but he still falls in love with a prepped wallflower who seem to be innosent, after ahem* 2 years of being victim of psychological torture and falls in love with her. Now thats like grand strategy of love novel, you have to make perfect tactics to conquer that heart and be truely in love hormon mixtures to be able to want a broken human without any prospects whilst being super genius criminal mastermind. Thats true love, better than Twilight.

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