Bruuutal fast review on your novel
Hello, do you mind giving a brutal review of a contemporary romance? I just finished revising the first 4 chapters.
Below is the link:
https://www.webnovel.com/book/candlelit-romance_23394306005243205/to-be-happy_62798648328638812
Eva_Smith_0875 sorry for the late reply... I have reviewed ur story.... And thanks for your
Majer3 Yeah, I should notify them more. The problem is there were robbers in the kingdom who were robbing the citizens. Yeah, I think I hadn't mentioned it in the chapter. But the complaints about the kingdom firstly come to the Chief commissioners, Alvis who was ordered to solve them and later inform him about every problem. He was ill as I mentioned in the first chapter with the maid scene so the readers could get through the robbers scene. But now I think I should write it in the king's dialogue that "I was ill and you don't even care to inform me about this matter." I will edit the part of king's dialogue. So, readers could get it easily. By the way, I was making the process of ML and FL to come closer. I am thankful to you for pointing out the mistakes that I even don't consider.
Ah the young non-insta löööv by LingYueYan in form of Contemporary Romance lets se,
-Dialogue functional
-Car brand details important/5 xDD But does it has a nice spinner car dusters tho..
-Not only this thing has drama but it has the juicy family chat group drama D: I didn't even know this thing could exist!
-äääääääää family life/5 (not my thing too fussy) xD But probl normal person would think its wholesome af
-The arguing is just the kind of thing that causes nausea and panic reaction to find smarter people.
-Why can I relate to evilMC but not so much to airhead MC. Corruption??
-Overall okay work, Not the genre I would go for but there was not a big deal wrong with it either. Maybe medium and high arcs for plot could be displayed with more agency to get some drive going.
Yea and not everyone has the level of detail than royal family and some things are not known by others so. Its slow burn anyway. But when it comes to the interaction of the upper echelon of any decently run empire THE FATHER OF THE EMPIRE, MAXIMILIA THEODOR LUDWIG DRAGUS THE THIRD WILL HAND HIS CLAIM ON THE SITUATION IN MOST MAJESTIC WAY (and with the information from thousands of spies and guards, organizations and he is holding the hundreds of delegates and workers under each ministry. Just to make point of that the information flow is good to be felt like in different manner.
Okay hell yea sci fi for a change. Lets see.. Dark oh wonderful, romance eh?? Well maybe there is light after dark or so they claim. Nooot entirely sure about the superduper hero power stuff I really dont want to see any failed Marvel moneygrap normal people superhero stuff ever again x,D but advanced technology is always nice.
-Parents Strongly Cautioned makes me think maybe I should only review these/5
-Apocalypse, okay I hope it would have that existential thread of emotion that Falout intros have about the condition of humanity.
-Grammar mistakes/ if you are not native or even if you are use Grammarly premium google for cheaper code tho it drops the price from 144 to 115 dollars. Its only for the year tho, but if you write a lot and would need editing otherwise its for a year pretty decent deal and comes up with a lot of stuff that permit even me to pass text to public without too much of worry.
-Hey have to give a author credit for honest contemplation of his gaming selection its nice to have these kind of reflections. People tend to use auxiliar chapters way too little.
-After nice infodump prelude several chapters are almost purely dialogue with action packed stuff. Could it hurt the actions too much to write in between the changes of skenery, feelings, contemplations and such. When we think any complex solutions there has to be contemplation. Even genius has to weight their odds now and then.
-Also the agency and feeling of what goals are are a bit plurred by the lack of contemplation and thinking with dialogue heavy writing. But yea this is still relativelly easy way to rise the level of writing from action skenario writing to action scifi writing.
- Edited
Majer3
Are you still doing this?
Here is mine
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/24074499806938805?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4317688632
Majer3 sure that would be good,
Here is the link
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/24236526305961505?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4321717394
Majer3 Thanks for the review ^^. I will work harder to make the characters and plot interesting.
I am the one who will tell when I stop ;D
Nice humantraficing and dark during the morning tea. Everything is fantastic.
Now I will go see continuation will it appeal in bad light to go woke go broke.inc &entity or will it display the actual true ugliness of the human traficing in its clorious post-imperial manners. Realism after all is the key to the wisdom.
-Com oon guys, slicing? Are you some nannies in the kindergarden. Here is what you are going to do, first you take 30 hungry rats and you put the traitor hanging with the rope on top of bucket just that he can stand on it. Then you let the rats have their meal. When the guy drops you waterboard him, after you give him sock treatment and then its hammer time. And just when they are about dead you treaten them with their family, relatives, fucking pet gerbil if you have to for information acquisition. After, disposin of the body is very nice to do with the pigs. One hungry pig will consume several kilos per minute with the bones so your task of disposing human corpse is guite fast indeed. Alternativelly use chemical methods. Slicing aijaijai
-Mafiaboss with control of europe but doesn't know how to effectively interrogate people/5. There is too many functional things that keep getting me distracted to think that the boss is just a some logal thug and don't have proper skills and manners to be able to conduct multicountry wide organization with countless number of adverseries, interpol, Eu police agreements, and so on. Ok ok its a novel but the guy who even technically could do that would have to be a lot more smarter and a whole a lot more cruel to be realistic.
-back to the story after ranting xD
-Environments could be nice to descripe in the mids of dialogue flow.
-And now you are saying that they are not keepin their damn humans/products in perfect condition for trading? Bad teeths would be the worst for anyone unless they plan to take all the teeth away. Ok ok I don't judge maybe they are doing special delivery. We will see.
-Love is the strangest animal. You have a super genius mafiaboss who despite his incompetence somehow can have hold on whole entirety of europe but he still falls in love with a prepped wallflower who seem to be innosent, after ahem* 2 years of being victim of psychological torture and falls in love with her. Now thats like grand strategy of love novel, you have to make perfect tactics to conquer that heart and be truely in love hormon mixtures to be able to want a broken human without any prospects whilst being super genius criminal mastermind. Thats true love, better than Twilight.
- Edited
Oh we are continuing with the topic of love but this time the love is also pure from the first sight even only to be contract marriage. But as in our last story the "contract" was reinforced eeee guite strongly. Lets see how this one works.
-This half mask fellow on the covers feels familiar to me, have I seen him somewhere.. hmm..
-If the skin is dull, how its complexion is.. beautifull?? Words support or negate the argument of beauty.
-infodupmp flash backs! Im impressed. Its always crusial to do infodump as a story within the story/or valid relatable contemplation.
-Ma Jun the emotional mama's boy awww.
-ah good ol tried and true slavery is back hurray!
-questionmark leading headlines alot OH THUGLIFE okay lets go there. You dont choose thuglife, the thuglife chooses you. Yeaaa boii get in the gaaang maaan try it once sweet easy money gogogogo.
-Ugly and cool oh boy its going to be difficult in the gang after all..
-HAHAHA gets beaten by a woman and 7 year old child so comical gang life x,D
-Otherwise, dialogue/explanation balance is ok, just what Im finding difficult is to track the reasonings or main motives of the each individuals.
Thank you so much for your time and efforts.......this is the best review I ever get. I find your torture tactics are more insane...can come handy at some time. I'm sure to work on my lacking...........sure...........sure your are the boss and tell us when are you going to stop...