Junni_MC

A bit on your writing, but also your premise is good, but in a way, it's a bit overdone, so I definitely think there are ways you could improve the story. I think your story need good villains, just don't fall in the trap of making them two dimensional: maybe make them seem 2D at first for good face slap. I would read stories like Reality Quest and Questism (both on webtoon) to get a sense of where the general plot needs to go in order to be enjoyable. Meanwhile, read solo leveling to get what is generally rated as the best novel with your premise.

      AuHNG Okay I have already written your review under your book. I really liked it. But the start was confusing. You should delete anything before that Act 1 since it has ruined my first impression. Also, the chapter name is a little weird. The last thing is that the story is really slow-paced maybe consider making it a little faster.

      Here is my book. With your quality of writing, I would love it if you could help me by pointing out something I should improve on.
      https://www.webnovel.com/book/harry-potter-the-forbidden-blessing_25337395705631805

          Para23 I have read your novel and I have left my review, here is my novel for you to read and give your opinion.

              LukasNPC

              Can you explain what you mean by that? Like are you talking about the prologue, because some people said they liked the prologue, or are you talking about the opener?

                  Para23

                  edit: gonna preface all my comments with this, I probably sound unnecessarily mean, but I'm only focusing on critique, so it may sound negative...

                  actually I can’t give u a review yet. Two chapters is way tooo little, and I can see a potential set up for something, but nothing engaging has happened so far other than a mystery, and setting up the family. Also some parts are drawn out a bit too much. There’s a couple grammar mistakes in there/typos so if you have the time, I suggest you look over them: wasn’t able to comment them out for ya cause I’m on phone. Your writing is decent, but and no offense, this is something that reads like a thirteen/twelve episode anime. Like one where the main character sees something strange, they discover they have powers, family has a secret, they get involved with a secret world that is hidden to normies. I’m not saying that is bad thing, but I would suggest looking at some of the mainstream anime, to see what works well for your genre -> make the story seem like it would get picked up for multiple seasons.

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