JA_Chrysant Hey there, thank you for your review and insights on my novel. As a new writer, they always help me to see what kind of improvement I can make to the story. I know you aspire to be an editor, and that is really great, but in your journey, you must be clear about what kind of type of editor you want to be. When reviewing others' works, you need to take into count what is the style of writing and the style the author has. Also, you mentioned "show, don't tell," again, it's important to remember that "show, don't tell" is a guideline, not a hard-and-fast rule. There are times when telling can be more efficient or effective, especially, for example, in my prologue, where you may need to convey a lot of information quickly to set the stage for the rest of the story. There is always room for improvement, even for the most talented authors, but overall, it's also essential to preserve the voice of the author. Also, mostly the inciting incident that sets the story mostly happens around 20%, so you can't expect to know everything that is going to happen and understand just by reading the first three chapters of a novel that possibly can have 100+ chapters and more than 100,000 words. I hope this helps you with future reviews and helps other new writers, and does not discourage them in your journey to becoming an Editor.

      Jokerbud
      I finished reading the story. The story is fun and the system is well-made. How you describe the girls is quite... fascinating. But I think the main character is a bit too perverted. Maybe you could consider toning down his perverted nature?

          wilde0985
          I finished reading it, though I paused at chapter 5 haha. I can't believe it, I enjoyed reading BL as it stimulated my brain! It's good and got the potential to be better. However, I noticed you tend to simplify a dramatic scene into a narrative. Please don't as it toned down the heartbreaking scene.

              Bloom07
              I finished reading it. It's good and the fight is satisfying too. But as prologue, it feels unfinished. Maybe you could continue the prologue until the point where the MC story starts?

                  Immanuel_J
                  Yes, I finished reading the first three chapters. Honestly, the story is good (though the character is too OP haha), but the problem rise from the structure of your writing. It's hard to read when you clump dialogue into a paragraph, so I stopped at chapter three. Perhaps you could consider to separate the dialogue into one sentence?

                      Sleepyglasses
                      I finished reading the first two chapters. Sorry, I can't really continue to read because the structure and the constant change of POV make it hard to read. Well, the good thing is the character has the potential to be likable (Tia). Perhaps you could tone down her sarcastic mind a bit and she would be a believable character. Oh yeah, and Marie is too evil.

                          Choka
                          Ah, thank you to let me review your story. I find the fighting scene quite enjoyable and satisfying. It might be presumptuous of me to say (as I wasn't a contracted writer yet) that the Achilles' heel of your story is the characters. The narrative about them is so good, but when they talk, it felt bland as if they don't put any emotion in it. For example, Lilith's dialogue makes her betrayal didn't pack a good punch to me. Keep up the good work, Choka!

                              from_another_world
                              Ah, I finished reading the first two chapters. The prologue honestly is so good, but you cut its potential by rushing it's ending (You could make his death more dramatic, you know like he reminiscing about her wife before crossing the fateful street and meeting Truck-kun or else). But chapter two... let's just say, it's really hard to read that I stopped. First, it's not a direct continuation from the prologue, second at the prologue you used "I" pov, but then it got messy on chapter two that I don't know who's story is this. I really want to read the continuation of your story, so please, ganbatte kudasai nee!

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