Myriad_

Myriad_ ?

If you don't like your review I will delete it. I would like to point out I spent a few hours reading your story and writing this review.

        Myriad_

        Myriad_ ?

        If you don't like your review I will delete it. I would like to point out I spent a few hours reading your story and writing this review.

              Broughtwaorld2

              StoryLink

              Brutal Mode Engaged
              Starting a story is easy! Just drown the reader in so much info dumping and exposition that they can’t possibly escape! Once the reader is stuck, then trap them in a series of MC weak to strong building activities and ass-kicking of paper-thin arrogant masters. They will never escape then and will be forced to read the rest of your story.
              .
              Originality - 0/5 - It's a cultivation novel. No, wait! It's a System novel. Why not throw in naruto fanfic while you're at it? Oh LOL he was watching Naruto! Close enough. Wait, wait. Let me guess, the MC's cultivation system will be based on Dragon Ball? That will be the trifecta of Webnovel fads. Please ascend.
              .
              Story - 2/5 There is a story. There is. This is not a paper on a system cultivator, is it? Am I reading one endless monologue? I am sure this story would be great if I could get past this wall of text hiding Mount Tai.
              .
              Characters - 1/5 The characters speak to me. Literally. The MC rarely speaks to someone else, unless its a cardboard cut out cliche. Parent, Grandpa. Quite literally named Grandpa trope so the author doesn't have to show anything about him to the reader #shortcut #efficientwriting. The reader will know from all the other copy and paste novels who use Grandpa. Teacher - angry and hates MC. Why? Who cares we need people in authority to be irredeemable illogical antagonists so the hero MC can make them look like fools in a few chapters.
              .
              Flow - 5/5 The flow is excellent. I enjoyed reading this exposition. The Authors note explaining the yet to be introduced system was perfect. Why let the story show the system? That would waste time. Just tell the reader and yeah Authors note works perfectly. BTW - When does the storytelling start?

                  Skully_ Don't know the story, misclicked on this thread, now I am convinced to never read that story, which I would never would have clicked on anyway, since the name sucks balls.

                  Thanks for the review.

                      Skully_
                      I can't wait! Go brutal mode! I've come to love your brutal reviews haha!

                          Skully_ Thanks for such a beautiful review ....but i feel like someone hate banged me. Just kidding.

                          So to summarise —
                          I have to bring a piece of new way of cultivation, create a different but innovative motive for our mc, make mc more interactive while bringing his parents and grandparents into life.

                          I just want to ask that '5/5' on flow was not sarcasm was it? If not, can you explain me it in simple way....sorry my english isn't that great.

                          But thanks, i have started to review my next chapters and started to change it accordingly.

                            Skully_ Thanks for such a beautiful review ....but i feel like someone hate banged me. Just kidding.

                            So to summarise —
                            I have to bring a piece of new way of cultivation, create a different but innovative motive for our mc, make mc more interactive while bringing his parents and grandparents into life.

                            I just want to ask that '5/5' on flow was not sarcasm was it? If not, can you explain me it in simple way....sorry my english isn't that great.

                            But thanks, i have started to review my next chapters and started to change it accordingly.

                                Broughtwaorld2

                                The flow is fine. It means I can read and understand your words. I could summarise what I think you need to improve down to two items.

                                1) Show don't tell
                                It doesn't have to be all the time. But you primarily tell with very little show. Especially in the first 10 chapters. After that it does improve.

                                2) Do not introduce a character without working out who they are. If you need them for a plot device, it has to be logical.
                                What do they look like. What are their goals and motivations. What are their personality traits.
                                The story falls into the trap of too many trope and paper-thin characters.

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