Adraik Sorry man, but i had a hard tine getting through ththe beggining. I ended up rearranging sentences in my head>.< one particular annoyance was the beggining, the present speak then jumping to past tense.
Annoyance was when he entered the room and you used - - instead of commas. I suggest running it through grammarly
Another was "The Royal Family Castle"
It should be "the Royal Family's castle" " 's" for a single entity's posession etc
I cant pick it apart in detail, as im on my phone, but maybe when i do ill go into detail