Book_Keeper LOL I corrected these ,,..." just yesterday, they arent acctually commas but how we make quotation marks in germany. My phone makes them like this ,,..." and my PC uses these "...", thats why they where mixed as I am writing on my phone and editing on my PC. Most of the time at least.

      Jeanean_Lain AardwarkThe2nd stella2138 Voidmirage Assessments done:https://virtualbookshelf.home.blog/2019/03/10/webnovel-assessments-33/

      Specifically addressed to stella2138 I typically ok with reviewing any type of book, even if it's not my cup of tea. However, in regards to your story, I'll be straightforward. I can't review this. Not only are some chapters all in caps, but the rest of the chapters not in all caps don't have proper capitalization and is mostly made of dialogue with one liners on where the dialogue is taking place. I'm sorry to say this, but this is my honest opinion. To review, the improper construction of sentences and overall English needs to be improved.

      For instance...

      Original:

      "no no no amanda. that film is meant for adults that are aged 30 and above.those seniors of yours are putting themselves in danger. amanda my child listen to me. those who watch that film at age 16 died on their wedding night. before you were born i lost 8 of my good friends because they watched that film. its very bad.listen-- no matter what don't even think of trying to watch any thing related to it.do you hear me?
      "yes mama.
      "an also those seniors you mentioned--whoever they are stay away from them."
      "yes mama---em are you still going to touch your make up?your make up has been ruined by sweat--"
      "oh amanda your so considerate. i'm going now. rest well. ill be back in a jiffy ok?"
      "yes mama"
      with that roseline left with a sigh
      "kids those days are worse than sponges. i must keep an eye on little amanda ."thought roseline on her way to the women's bathroom

      Corrected:

      "No no no, Amanda. That film is meant for adults aged 30 and older. Your seniors are putting themselves in danger. Amanda, my child, listen to me. Sixteen year olds who watched that film died on their wedding night. Before you were born, I lost eight of my good friends because they watched that film. It's very bad. Listen, no matter what, don't even think of trying to watch anything related to it. Do you hear me?"
      "Yes Mama."
      "Also, those seniors you mentioned, whoever they are, stay away from them."
      "Yes Mama. Em, are you still going to touch your make up? Your make up has been ruined by sweat--"
      "Oh Amanda, you're so considerate. I'm going now. Rest well. I'll be back in a jiffy, ok?"
      "Yes Mama."
      With that, Roseline left with a sigh.
      "Kids these days are worse than sponges. I must keep an eye on little Amanda," thought Roseline on her way to the women's bathroom.

      And this is only correction. Good storytelling needs more focused detail of settings and characters. It shouldn't be mostly dialogue. The plot, or at least its direction, should also be clear.

                  Book_Keeper truthfully its oriinally written in drama mode and im trying to change it. as for the capslock you can say i was still immature as i dint know much. so i'll go back and start making changes on each of the chapters. thanks for your honest review.

                    Book_Keeper Thanks a lot @Book_Keeper
                    You are just amazing. Your rating inspires me to work more properly so that I can improve further. Thanks for the positive update.... :)

                    Do you have any other suggestions that I need to work on? How can I improve my book further? I am all ears.

                        Book_Keeper Author of Killing Xianxia Protagonists With An AI System In Another World, thanks for the review!

                        The points to improve in seem to be Plot Development, Character Formation and Reading Level.

                        What exactly do you recommend me to improve in?

                        Also, would you suggest a change in title - the title is kinda misleading, I would like the change in title to indicate MC's timetravelling and the R-18 content - those are the major content for the story.

                            March Monthly Spotlight - let's see how this goes. :)

                            niharikabhol Until I get to your review on the queue list, my only suggestions are to read the Writing Guide (it's incomplete however), maybe read some of the reviews already done of other books, or study books that are popular on Webnovel or highly rated on Virtual Bookshelf.

                            PeachyPearl The magic word is review. ;) But of course, queued.

                            AardwarkThe2nd Again, the review will be more in depth, and my suggestions before then would be the same as told to niharikabhol above.

                            Typically, the last remaining points in PD and CF are the successful conveyance of originality and depth as well as the balance of events and personality. RL is simply the level of writing in terms of language, phrasing, and sentence construction. I wouldn't focus too much on this point until the others are more solid.

                            As for a change in title, I'm not sure honestly. :laughing: I saw how your story changed due to readers' comments/wishes. I can't say this is the best for plot structuring/direction, but it certainly gives a good idea of what people want. Time traveling could be in the title, and if you're going for a harem, that's always works in the title. Killing the protagonist is unique/uncommon, so keeping that could be a good point of difference.

                                    Hope it works out, this website's reviews are full of bullshit! I use novelupdates but original works don't really show up there.

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