Epyonnn
Sorry mate, I've been leaving you to do this alone. Kinda busy right now. I'll try to make some time to come by more often.

Epyonnn

Hi there! Thank you so much for taking up to review my novel. I really didn't think of that one actually. It was only then on my draft chapter 24 that I started out actually building the social hierarchy and background of the friendship between the girls and what it means that Luna is Queen because she was caught up with the Transferee.

Thank you really. I will keep this in mind :D It really helps!

World_Wanderer

I'll take you up on reviewing this but please give me time to do so.

Hello! I've just started my story and would really appreciate an honest critique. Thanks!

Title: Chaos Awakening
Genre: Fantasy, Male lead
Synopsis:
All his life, Cilix Trimaran felt as if something's been missing, a hole in his being that cannot be filled even if he tried to. He chalked it up to his broken memory. There were pieces, bits of the past that he can't seem to remember however hard he tried. Memories close enough to reach, but vague enough that it kept slipping past his fingers like smoke. And then there was Oleah.
Oleah Vanderbilt was a model student. She was powerful, excelled in whatever task she put herself into, a woman of many talents. But her cold disposition and blank stares grate something in Cilix that he can't put his finger onto. There was something in those eyes that seems to call out to him.
He just have to find out, doesn't he? Good thing his group of misfits accidentally uncovered a conspiracy in the ministry and seem to want to initiate an anarchy. Good riddance, in Cilix's humble opinion.

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/chaos-awakening_20316599005138205

Epyonnn Hi! Can you also check my novel out, would like some opinions from you seeing as you can give good and understandable tips!

Here's my novel:
https://www.webnovel.com/book/transmigrated-mind_20465943505550705

Yoan_Roturier it's fine

Praefactuss alright

LINK: THE KEEPER OF UNHOLY MIGHT

TAG: ACTION, FANTASY, ADVENTURE, ACTION, MAGIC, MALEPROTAGONIST, MONSTER, CULTIVATION, EVILMC

SYNOPSIS:
Nicolaus Asenon had a detached feeling and drifted through life aimlessly.
Everything he had done had no purpose. He had sacrificed almost everything in his life for the sake of his work.
Family, friends, and mindset were all taken away one by one. His mentality, bit by bit becoming corrupted.
In his darkest hours. He was struck by a vehicle and died. As a result; his eyesight started to dim and he gave his final breath.
In a world without mercy. He had transmigrated from the modern world to an alternative universe.
With no remorse, Nicolaus Asenon is willing to go to any lengths to reap benefits. As a corrupted man. He already has no qualms.
He has now seen all that life has to offer, transforming him into a cold, merciless, cunning villain, never allowing himself to get attached to anybody who may get in the way of his ultimate goal.
This is the story of a man cultivating his strength to rise up above all... A Lord overlooking the entire world!

...................................
I would like for any opinions please, to see if my novel is subpar or great compared the other novels in this platform.

Yulainei what happened to the other stuff you were working on? Did you drop it?

World_Wanderer

Hi there! I read the prologue till the second chapter. I honestly like the plot, but I'm no digital reader so, I have a hard time coming to terms with myself reading online. But your story all in all has an interesting plot. Keep it up. Here are some points I would like to share.

Distinct Features

In the prologue, I found it kinda confusing. Maybe because I wasn’t able to figure out who is who and what is what.

I think it would be great to be able to distinguish the army of the Space Lord between the Restoration empire. Although, you did give a description regarding the restoration empire which has griffons, but not really with the Trade Union. So, I was a bit lost who’s army is losing or advancing. Not until you literally mentioned that the Trade Union was losing.

I would also probably add descriptions of the Emperor. So, I could picture him out in my mind. There wasn’t really enough description to make an image out of him compared to Space Lord.

Space Lord Origins

It kinda does pique my interest why “Space Lord”? I’m not sure, this is my personal thought to it.. but I think it would be great to show a little bit more of a credential to his title. I mean, yes… all great and powerful mages would eventually get that specific title for them, but since it’s in prologue… you are creating his backstory, it would be nice to hint as to why he is feared and respected at the same time. Maybe point out his greatest achievement? Just a hint because I know that you will tell the story of how he became to be one. At least, in the first ropes, you will be able to get your audience’s grip on Theo’s journey on becoming the known Space Lord.

Dialogue

I think the dialogue can be improved. Sometimes, I had to read it twice before I can understand what the characters are trying to say (this is in the prologue - dialogue became a bit better in the following chapters). Maybe also try to enact how the conversation will flow before typing it. That’s how I do mine, so I get the picture of how the people involved in the conversation are acting. Add a bit more body language in between to give it more of a mood in the conversation.

I also notice that there will be lots of flashbacks. In the first chapter, I was kinda confused for a sec because it suddenly jumped into the past. Maybe add some signifiers? (sorry, I'm no expert in terms and definitely not an expert critic). But yeah, just be careful because it might cause confusion and then lead to disinterest.

Sentence Structure? (not sure what it’s really called for)

Learn to break long paragraphs into portions. Don’t chunk it all into one block. Honestly, I lose interest reading because it’s too long, so I just skim to the end of that block. I also notice that you use lots of commas instead of periods to break sentences. I think this must be improved.

World Building

Definitely a great start to world-building. I like how you were able to map out the setting of the story. But I think don’t be too general in the descriptions, because your world is a fantasy world, so the sky’s the limit for building the world. Add tiny bits of details to the surroundings and what the character sees, for more solid ground on world-building.

Grammar

Definitely not an expert, but I can see some that can be improved. Just proofread before publishing. I know it’s tiring but it definitely helps.

As I said, I'm no expert, so I hope you won't take it against me. :)

Title: X FORCE

Genre: SciFi

Synopsis: Max is one of the two X Forces soldiers was confirmed dead and his partner disappeared shortly after his demise after confirming that it was a planned kill from their inner circle.

Now with new threats arising and being unable to defend, they put out a search for Max after being spotted on a CCTV camera as he's the only one who can help with the destruction of their enemies.

When the new arrivals get wind of this, they send forces after Max as he and his partner are the only ones who can help them win their mother planet back from their oppressors.

What will Max do:

A road to revenge?

Join the faction that 'killed' him or,

Join the new arrivals from another planet.

What if I tell you Max isn't human!

Stay tuned for more updates.

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/x-force_18382108905457905

Anyone interested for review swap.

Title: X FORCE

Genre: Sci-fi

Synopsis: Max is one of the two X Forces soldiers was confirmed dead and his partner disappeared shortly after his demise after confirming that it was a planned kill from their inner circle.

Now with new threats arising and being unable to defend, they put out a search for Max after being spotted on a CCTV camera as he's the only one who can help with the destruction of their enemies.

When the new arrivals get wind of this, they send forces after Max as he and his partner are the only ones who can help them win their mother planet back from their oppressors.

What will Max do:

A road to revenge?

Join the faction that 'killed' him or,

Join the new arrivals from another planet.

What if I tell you Max isn't human!

Stay tuned for more updates.

Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/x-force_18382108905457905

Yulainei cool, good luck! I'll give it read once I get finished with the one I'm doing right now

THE 7TEEN: LET THE PAIN EXIST

Genre: Thriller
Synopsis: Dhruv is a 17 yr old teenager, who is a boy full of mysteries. Six months ago Dhruv's father died in a car accident and from then Dhruv hasn't had a good day ahead. From his mom's negligence towards him to school bullies, everything seems to add more and more to his misery. But things are different now, it's 17 Jan 2017 and things aren't as they were. Fate had taken it's dark turns and now police is standing on his doors, asking questions regarding the serial killings of three of his classmates. What does Dhruv has to do with it? Does Dhruv know something?
It's not a teenage drama! it's FUCKIN murder mystery! Here, don't expect anything, things are bit twisted as.... TRUTH ISN'T WHITE ANYMORE And Pain, Let It Exist!
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-7teen-let-the-pain-exist_19117090906475105

Title : Ghost Busters

Genre : Urban, Horror

Synopsis : A guy going by the name of Felix joins the team known as 'Ghost Busters' because of an invitation. A team consisting of 6 members.

Nobody knew his past, nor his personal info. Even his name Felix was an alias created by himself. What was about to come? Was the decision to invite him was correct or everything will crumble?

Felix embarks on his journey along with his new team to unveil the secrets and mysteries of the world, including his own past too.

However, there was another secret to it. Something related to him. Something which defied the laws.

Join Felix on his journey to explore the eerie, unreal, and perilous side of the world as he uncovers the mysteries one by one.

Link : https://m.webnovel.com/book/ghost-busters_20322367305200405

Epyonnn okay thanks alot bro.

@Praefactuss I've only read two chapters so far, and the novel is pretty unimpressive. Let me explain:

1. Formatting

Split up your paragraphs. Remember that you should start a new one every time there's a new plot beat or if the subject changes.

The grammar and stuff are good for the most part, but proofread some more so that you can catch the tiny little errors. I tell this to everyone, and it feels like I'm beating a dead horse at this point.

2. Mid

I'll be real with you: the story is really average. It's your basic isekai/transmigration with nothing special.

What differentiates your work from others? What is it that will capture readers' attention?

So far, there's just nothing interesting about your story. I'll elaborate more on how to fix that.

(Side note: You forget to mention the MC's age in the first chapter, so I was confused when he revealed that he had become a fourteen-year-old. I assumed he was older and got younger, but according to the story, he was younger and got older)

3. What Makes a Scene

The core of a scene is that a problem must be solved. For example, at the beginning of "Re: Zero," the problem is that the main character, Subaru, is trying to help Emilia find a missing item while also trying to avoid dying over and over again.

In your novel, there's no problem that the main character is trying to solve. Sure, he gets transmigrated, but what's the problem? He just has to learn how to adjust, but there's really no tension anywhere that would make me want to continue reading.

Granted, I didn't read any further, so I assume the plot eventually starts rolling, but you need to establish at least some tension.

You see, it's not enough for the character to be confused about his own situation. Yes, that's a problem, but it's not big enough. You need to shock the reader (not to be confused with abusing shock value) to get their attention.

That's about it. Hope I could help.

@Yulainei I'll work on reviewing yours now