Sara_Wilcox

Humm, I need to write down another chap for today, then finish the honest review... hum. Then there are others... Since I wanted to read at least ten chapters but realized it was kinda weird when it's not in the genre I like... hum, I'll stick to around 3-5 chaps for honest reviews... hum. Yeah, I'll probably be done empty-handed by the end of the week or before.
Sure, let's swap. I'll tag you when I'm ready. :)

      Hi Yoan_Roturier my name is Donnidrako15 and I'm still really green when it comes to these forums so please forgive me if I come off as rude. You don't have to also read my entire story or hold back since I appreciate a lot of constructive criticism. I know that it sounds kinda cringy since it's a spirity entry but I do want to become better even if I don't win. Please read it when you can, I apperciate it either way

      Title: The Cons

      Genre: Science, Action, Superhero.

      Synopsis: One hundred years after superpowers have become commonplace, generations have seemingly adopted and lived in a chaotic superhuman society run by heroes and villains. In said society, countless heroes strive to climb to rise to old legends, but this isn't their story. Instead, we are here to shine a light on the literal worst of the worst, a team of criminals, outcasts, and misfits that struggle to survive in this mad world. After all, when you're already at the bottom, it makes sense to focus only on The Cons.

      Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-cons_19917652105819005###

          hansora

          Alright, I know I said that I would read till chap 10, but I overestimated myself. Here's the honest review.

          HONEST REVIEW #1
          Title: As the Wind blows your Scent to Me.
          Genre: Slice of Life.
          Author: hansora
          Chapters read: 1 to 3

          There is no particular structure yet. I just write things as I feel like it. Well kinda...

          Reading notes:

          Regarding volume 0 of you book, I think you are ruining some of the tension by annoucing straight out of the bat that there are two main couples and etc. That HimariXKazuya were supposed to be the only main couple. You talk also about the pair of children. Careful with those. Those are some sort of spoilers. It can ruin the fun readers have in finding out by themselves. When I read, I love to search for small clues hidden by the author. Intentionnaly or not.

          Repetitive use of “The” to start of sentence. Try to avoid that. Found the perfect example of how you ruined your tension/intrigue. In chapter 2, Kazuya enters the MC’s hotel room. We still don’t know who he is and all that. Which is GREAT! Good tension, good mystery. HOWEVER, Volume 0 ruins the thing because we already know the guy will end up with Himari. It’s not good for you.

          By the way, I liked chapter 3’s ending. Good stuff. Leaves an opening for interpretation and foreshadowing.

          Positive stuff:

          • Compelling opening. Out of the ordinary and interesting. I was waiting for something along the line of: “Oh I like this guy, blablabla, I’ll try to go out with him, blablabla.” It was a nice surprise to start with a break up instead of a hook up.

          • Kazuya is a mysterious character. And as far as I know, those types of guys fair really well with female readers. Also, it leaves readers wondering who the heck is that guy. Leaving room for your readers to ponder is great. Makes them want to know more about the story.

          • Jun, the little perfect boytoy, isn’t such a bad character. Well, at least as far as I read. He’s not a total A-hole. As far as I read. But I feel like you’re hiding something along the line: “He has other girlfriends.” I certainly would feel shocked, because it feels like he’s a nice guy. If you turn him into a real A-hole, it would ruin the vibes you set up in chap 1. For me, that is.

          • Well, overall, I liked the character design so far. Just a few stuff bothered me like the waiter. But that is technical stuff stemming from writing quality. Which brings me to the next point.

          Less positive stuff:

          • Writing quality. Grammar, wordings and turns of phrases. I left you some paragraph comments to help you spot some of them. But honestly, I probably pointed out like 20% of what I saw, maybe a bit less. I understand that it can be difficult regarding the writing quality. Been there, done that and still there. My native language isn’t even english to begin with. However, do take the time to reread your chaps and leave it some time. What I mean by that is continue writing. The quality will naturally improve overtime. Do read good english quality books too. Don’t read Webnovel bad grammar stories. You’ll only be filling your head with bullcraps. Let’s avoid that shall we?

          • Other things I didn't think about.

          Conclusion:
          Don't need one.

          Extra:
          As for the worldbuilding, I can't really judge it. Personally, I think that every story based on real-life in modern days, has it easy with worldbuilding. No need for creating races, cultures, economies, magic system, history, weather, etc.
          So I will refrain from commenting on those for modern days stories.

          The overall score for me:

          I won't give one. That's not the goal here. Although, if your story is a 5 out of 5 (for me) I will let you know.

              Yoan_Roturier and
              Donniedrako15_ I can critique your first three chapters. I am by no means an editor or professional, but I have been avidly reading since I was about five. I’ve been reading romance books since my early teens as well. I’m on a writing break right now, and I need to finish Jo_J’s first, but I can help you out if you can be patient for a day or two😁

                    Jo_J thank you❤️ I really appreciate that😁 I should have yours done by tomorrow, then I’ll do Donniedrako15_ next. I’ll leave comments with the chapter/paragraph number, then delete the comment. It will still show in your notifications, but readers won’t see them. I’ll also come on here with more details/examples if you two don’t mind?

                          Sara_Wilcox

                          Thank you. That what I used to do...

                          Besides... I just discovered (I should read my e-mails regularly) I have an important exam next week so I will do yours asap and I can do 1or 2 more... still I should write a few chaps of my new story.

                            Jo_J
                            Hahaha thanks xD
                            You really don't have to you know. Aren't doing that for the power stones.

                            By the way @hansora it's gonna cost you 10 power stones thank you. @SpilledInk since I like to hold a grudge this is gonna cost you 20 power stones. Do ask my secretary @Sara_Wilcox for the bill, thank you.

                            For the others, I'm offering a special discount of 20% so 8 power stones instead of 10! This is a temporary offer only available until tomorrow!

                            wink

                            whisper for those who didn't get it, this is called a joke ;) ;) ;) ;)

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