Yoan_Roturier Ok thank you!
Detailed Review Request Thread!!
LINK: THE REVELATION OF MANKIND
TAG: FANTASY, HORROR, ADVENTURE, ACTION, MATURE, SYSTEM
SYNOPSIS:
With the revelation of the end of the world was prophesied. The myths, tales, as well as legends that our forefathers recited from epoch to epoch, have begun.
In the Medieval Ages on a vast stormy night. A withered elderly man composes a poem frantically, his eyes turning dry and cracked. With the lamps beside him flickering incessantly, along with his menacing shadow, mimicking his frenzied movements. Shortly, a bolt of lightning illuminated his side profile, exposing a glimpse of his smile.
Using his withered hand, in adding the final stroke. In the distant future, the world shall burn this poem into their minds, 'Kildare'
A voice speaks from the Earth below, reaching the sky above, begging God for mercy.
The angels tremble and the demons lament.
Four winds will rise and the rainbow falls, driving the demons back to Hell.
The four elements cry in unison:
"Mercy, Jesus, Son of Mary, as you are God and King of Heaven!"
Waking up to be faced with legions of enemies, Bryan Godfrey sat on top of a hill of corpses, drenched in blood, while peering over the bloodied horizon, muttering ruefully, "Will this ever end?"
................................................
Honestly, I'm quite nervous, but I've just done some editing, and I've only finished on the few chapters early on, if you have time, please tell me if what i did is plausible in the long run :) ty btw. Cheers!
Yoan_Roturier I am here, Yoan-san. Awaiting the review
Yoan_Roturier
Wow... this is some pretty awesome idea. How about you review my book, MORTAL GODS: Enouka
BOOK LINK: https://www.webnovel.com/book/mortal-gods-enouka_20053124306066605
Synopsis:
A prisoner out for revenge, a power-hungry redhead, a fallen god and a little princess with superpowers and an impossible quest, go all out in the fight to acquire the power capable of destroying the multiverse. Whether it is to save a kingdom, to get revenge, for world domination, or merely to fall in love with it, none of them can do without this power... and so they bring Carnage! This is a tale of revenge, of betrayal, of love and of powers.
Thank you
Yoan_Roturier yes! I see that it's confusing when I wrote that but I'm not sure how to merge them into one. Thanks for pointing it out, I'll try to readjust the structure for the synopsis
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SpilledInk
Humm gonna have to wait a bit. Try to see with @Jo_J if she's (you're a woman right?) willing to honestly review yours. You might have to wait a week or two if you want me to do it. You'll understand why once I post my first review here.
A little something to begin with.
Your cover picture is awesome! However, the "Patreon/NEOARTCORE" just above the characters bosom is... hum. Yeap, it takes away the charm or it. If you know how to use photoshop try to erase the letters. Should be simple enough to do it cleanly.
Your title is barely visible too. Do keep in mind that human eyes tend to wonder first at the places you see on this picture.
Okay so notice that there are four lines, two horizontals, and two verticals. The dots you see are where they meet. And usually this is where people gaze are naturally attracted to. It's a mathematical law called golden number or something like that (I don't know the correct word in English). In short, it is supposed to define what's beautiful to the human eyes. Don't ask me for further details, is one long-ass explanation.
So, to put it simply you want your title to be written along those lines. Usually the horizontal ones. Take a look at mine.
The catchy word of my title is more or less on top of the first horizontal line. I added to it a golden font, a visible size and voilà! Haha.
Note that there are exceptions to this rule. Some pictures naturally form lines that would catch the eyes. Take a look at the popular painting "The Scream", Edvard Munch.
Do you see the line drawn by the bridge's frame? This is exactly of those exceptions where you could probably write a title on. Tho it would look a bit weird to my opinion. Not the best example.
Anyway, since cover pictures are in majority portrait type images, this is what applies to them.
In marketing, communication, photography, and film production this is common knowledge. They prioritize those zones to have their audiences focus on what they want them to see. Try looking at a professional photographer's work or just at the next movie scene you'll watch and you'll probably see similarities with what I'm telling you.
Hum... I wonder if I really should reveal all my tricks hahaha. Consider this a little favor and a free course on images' structure.
By the way, weren't you the author who condemned my benevolent comment on J_oJ's work "The Bet"? -_- HuMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Yulainei This... will take sometime mate. I have five other reviews besides yours and other stuff to do. So that will take time. And since I'm doing this for simple practice and fun, humm well you know. Try to ask someone else for a review. If by the time I'm done with my other honest reviews then ok, I'll do yours. But don't expect that to happen before... let's say two weeks?
Yoan_Roturier looks like he's getting tons of requests for honest reviews, so feel free to send your requests to me as well.
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@Grand_Void_Daoist
I should have checked with you before but... all this isn't considered to be against the rules right? Please say no.
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You shouldn't try to explain that basic knowledge of literature/advertising/photography/etc. to some 'authors' :)
Some time ago I tried to explain the basics of creating a plot, differences between the theatrical play and literary text, and other knowledge needed to build interesting action, etc... but most of the 'authors' know theirs 'literary rules'.
When asked how many books they read in the last month, or last year, the answer was "I don't have time for this".
Alright. I'll step on the brakes next time. Hum, I just thought it would be useful.
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in some groups on discord - yes, but not here. Sorry for the truth here ;)
but that's what it looks like. Waste of time :(
You can create a group on discord with that knowledge.
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Jo_J
Haha already have one. Members aren't much active as of now. They're all busy with some real-life stuff and one guy is a webnovel top 200 author, thus quite busy, so he won't speak unless addressed to.
Want to join the group ;)
Yoan_Roturier
Lol... someone's keeping a grudge!
I know Jo_J . She's an absolute sweetheart. She already reviewed my book, and I did hers. In fact, the comment you're keeping a grudge with me about was made in course of my reading up her novel so I could give an accurate review... a lovely novel by the way.
Jo_J Be a dear and ask Yoan_Roturier to please forgive me for going against his divine opinions with my own divine opinions
All I said was there was nothing wrong with her sentence, and you legit exploded on me
I was so shocked, I couldn't even reply!
Jokes apart, I'm really sorry my comment upset you. We're on the same side, you know? In fact, you'd corrected her on earlier comments and I supported your corrections by liking your comments because those corrections needed to be made.
But I legit saw absolutely nothing wrong with that sentence in particular. In my opinion, a correction was not really necessary.
Thank you so much for the detailed book cover analysis. It's got technicalities I never knew about and I'm glad to learn of these things.
Concerning the little writeup on it... I left it on because I simply did not have the time to work on that, and I kinda wanted to leave a little bit of book cover credit to the original creators of the image. Silly me!
I would try to make out time to get it done, but if someone could be an angel and do it for me, I'd be most grateful.
Jo_J
Awww... recommending my book
See what I said?... she's an absolute sweetheart. 
Jo_J
Haha alright, write down your Discord tag, I'll send you an invite there.
@SpilledInk Hahaha it's fine, already forgotten. :P
Yeah.... sorry about the explosion...
As for the original owner's credit, you can add it to your synopsis. You're not silly, just wanted to do good by the original owner ;)
Glad it helped a bit.
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Dear Ladies SpilledInk and Gentelmen Yoan_Roturier (two lions jumping for each other's throats?)
What are you talking about?
I don't mind if you share your views somewhere here: https://www.webnovel.com/book/anemones_20040643706911505
English is not my first language and I make a lot of errors (the editor deals with it...), so... I don't really care about comments like yours SpilledInk ;)
Yoan_Roturier
Jo_J#8824
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Yeah... :) I am trying to get you a bigger audience ;)
You don't know the pleasure when you read a story and you don't have to think too much 'what the author wanted to say, etc...'
I know nothing about the fantasy genre. In my review I wrote what I saw, I wouldn't read 5-6 chaps if I didn't enjoy it.
Hey, guys. Please do check my story out. I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I love writing it. Is it bad boy themed? Yeah. Do check it out. Vote and add to your collections if it suits your taste. Thank you all in advance.
Genre: Contemporary romance.
Title: Fading scars: scars of the past.
Synopsis: "I don't regret saving your life, but I do regret not dying in the process."
We all know of stories that the good girl manages to break the wall around the bad boy's heart.
This story is different.
Athena Hazel Brown is just like every other 17-year-old high school junior.
She goes to school, has good grades, cheers for her school's football team, and tries to stay out of the drama. What makes her different is the fact that she lost her family when she was 15. The once happy family life that she had known changed drastically overnight.
She was separated forcefully from her dad and had to live with her overbearing, controlling mother. The painful separation from her dad changed her view of people and the world. She refused to let anyone in. She prefers keeping them at arm's length.
What will she do when she has to work on a project with the school's bad boy, which might lead to him getting a little bit close? What happens when she sees the real Aiden that he had successfully hidden from the world?
Aiden Gabriel Knight is known as the school's bad boy, known for skipping classes and getting into trouble. Not to mention his cocky attitude, British accent, and magnetic charm, which seem to work on all other girls except Athena, who have succeeded in shielding herself from the world.
But when Aiden starts showing her his sensitive side( thanks to a project at school), Athena starts to see a different guy, a guy looking for his redemption under the hard exterior.
Will that be enough to convince her that he's the one guy worth breaking her rules for?
The book is written solely from the female lead's perspective. It's also divided into two parts.
Enjoy!!!
https://www.webnovel.com/book/fading-scars-scars-of-the-past._20066938906233605
You are the honest reviewer with many aspects of understanding of book, and things related to it.
I'm scared.
Carciphones_02
Eee... you could always ask someone else to do yours mate. :P
Hahaha. It's fine, I really don't bite. Promise.
Choyee_Lin
Thanks.
Hm, try to ask around here. Maybe someone else will pick up your request in the meantime.
Hahaha no worries, I buried my war ax. I won't attack Udeju's castle wall anytime soon... hehehe.
Added you on discord.
Yoan_Roturier Nah... I'll just watch the excitement from the sidelines.
Jo_J I started reading your first chapter. I Love the food descriptions, by the way
I left a few comments with critiques telling you where some errors are, but I deleted them so other readers won’t see them. I mention the paragraph number, and what the issue(s) was. I’m about to put my son to bed, then I need to write, but I will do the first three chapters for you. If you’d like, you can do the same with my WSA entry, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to since I volunteered for yours. So far: the only issues I’ve really seen are running sentences, and a few past/present tense mixes. I’ll re-read through the first chapter tomorrow as well. I was a wee bit distracted by my boy while trying to read and comment.
Or if you don’t want me too, just say so.
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Yoan_Roturier do you have a time or preference as to when we should check to see if the count has changed? I’d like to honestly swap with you Just the first 3-5 chapters(unless you like it).
Yoan_Roturier well I wouldn't mind waiting for a long time, so take your time...
Humm, I need to write down another chap for today, then finish the honest review... hum. Then there are others... Since I wanted to read at least ten chapters but realized it was kinda weird when it's not in the genre I like... hum, I'll stick to around 3-5 chaps for honest reviews... hum. Yeah, I'll probably be done empty-handed by the end of the week or before.
Sure, let's swap. I'll tag you when I'm ready. :)
Yulainei It shouldn't take that LONG hahaha.
Yoan_Roturier thank you 
I look forward to it
Hi Yoan_Roturier my name is Donnidrako15 and I'm still really green when it comes to these forums so please forgive me if I come off as rude. You don't have to also read my entire story or hold back since I appreciate a lot of constructive criticism. I know that it sounds kinda cringy since it's a spirity entry but I do want to become better even if I don't win. Please read it when you can, I apperciate it either way
Title: The Cons
Genre: Science, Action, Superhero.
Synopsis: One hundred years after superpowers have become commonplace, generations have seemingly adopted and lived in a chaotic superhuman society run by heroes and villains. In said society, countless heroes strive to climb to rise to old legends, but this isn't their story. Instead, we are here to shine a light on the literal worst of the worst, a team of criminals, outcasts, and misfits that struggle to survive in this mad world. After all, when you're already at the bottom, it makes sense to focus only on The Cons.
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-cons_19917652105819005###
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Alright, I know I said that I would read till chap 10, but I overestimated myself. Here's the honest review.
HONEST REVIEW #1
Title: As the Wind blows your Scent to Me.
Genre: Slice of Life.
Author: hansora
Chapters read: 1 to 3
There is no particular structure yet. I just write things as I feel like it. Well kinda...
Reading notes:
Regarding volume 0 of you book, I think you are ruining some of the tension by annoucing straight out of the bat that there are two main couples and etc. That HimariXKazuya were supposed to be the only main couple. You talk also about the pair of children. Careful with those. Those are some sort of spoilers. It can ruin the fun readers have in finding out by themselves. When I read, I love to search for small clues hidden by the author. Intentionnaly or not.
Repetitive use of “The” to start of sentence. Try to avoid that. Found the perfect example of how you ruined your tension/intrigue. In chapter 2, Kazuya enters the MC’s hotel room. We still don’t know who he is and all that. Which is GREAT! Good tension, good mystery. HOWEVER, Volume 0 ruins the thing because we already know the guy will end up with Himari. It’s not good for you.
By the way, I liked chapter 3’s ending. Good stuff. Leaves an opening for interpretation and foreshadowing.
Positive stuff:
Compelling opening. Out of the ordinary and interesting. I was waiting for something along the line of: “Oh I like this guy, blablabla, I’ll try to go out with him, blablabla.” It was a nice surprise to start with a break up instead of a hook up.
Kazuya is a mysterious character. And as far as I know, those types of guys fair really well with female readers. Also, it leaves readers wondering who the heck is that guy. Leaving room for your readers to ponder is great. Makes them want to know more about the story.
Jun, the little perfect boytoy, isn’t such a bad character. Well, at least as far as I read. He’s not a total A-hole. As far as I read. But I feel like you’re hiding something along the line: “He has other girlfriends.” I certainly would feel shocked, because it feels like he’s a nice guy. If you turn him into a real A-hole, it would ruin the vibes you set up in chap 1. For me, that is.
Well, overall, I liked the character design so far. Just a few stuff bothered me like the waiter. But that is technical stuff stemming from writing quality. Which brings me to the next point.
Less positive stuff:
Writing quality. Grammar, wordings and turns of phrases. I left you some paragraph comments to help you spot some of them. But honestly, I probably pointed out like 20% of what I saw, maybe a bit less. I understand that it can be difficult regarding the writing quality. Been there, done that and still there. My native language isn’t even english to begin with. However, do take the time to reread your chaps and leave it some time. What I mean by that is continue writing. The quality will naturally improve overtime. Do read good english quality books too. Don’t read Webnovel bad grammar stories. You’ll only be filling your head with bullcraps. Let’s avoid that shall we?
Other things I didn't think about.
Conclusion:
Don't need one.
Extra:
As for the worldbuilding, I can't really judge it. Personally, I think that every story based on real-life in modern days, has it easy with worldbuilding. No need for creating races, cultures, economies, magic system, history, weather, etc.
So I will refrain from commenting on those for modern days stories.
The overall score for me:
I won't give one. That's not the goal here. Although, if your story is a 5 out of 5 (for me) I will let you know.
Donniedrako15_
@Sara_Wilcox @SpilledInk @Dark_Scholars @Yulainei @silent_walker
Any of you interested in helping the guy here?
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Yoan_Roturier and
Donniedrako15_ I can critique your first three chapters. I am by no means an editor or professional, but I have been avidly reading since I was about five. I’ve been reading romance books since my early teens as well. I’m on a writing break right now, and I need to finish Jo_J’s first, but I can help you out if you can be patient for a day or two
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Sara_Wilcox
Sounds great to me.
You can do mine whenever you want. Prioritize others who need your help, tho. I'll take the last spot in the queue.
Jo_J
@Sara_Wilcox is doing your review. You don't mind if I skip it and jump to another book? I can come back to it later on when you've added Sara's suggestions.
sooo... at least we could give him a few power stones ;)
I am not going to corrupt anyone, but I think that's a nice way for telling 'thank you for your precious time'
I will do the same with yours.
And help with a few votes.