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ZuluA After reading the first chapter I stopped to conclude several mistakes, this will be short as I have a bad (good) feeling where more people will be asking me to review their novels (Uh). First will be the usage of commas, first paragraph first sentence:

The Silver Horned [Qilin,] is said to be one of the most extraordinary, unique and of course rarest magical creatures in existence.

This issue persists throughout the first chapter which led me to point it out to be the tall tree. Several Phrases issues can be seen in the first chapter such as all that, you all, freaking, yeah, I don't, really, didn't, thing, got and don't. A problem with sentences too which is barely on the average limit (35 words) and mostly on being short sentences throughout the entire chapter. I have noticed that the narrative way is going south during the first chapter from how you addressed the characters and this is a huge issue if it continues during the next 100 chapters because people will judge you based on that itself and not how good your masterpiece is.

Vocab words are a bit of an issue here as you established a 10th grader wording system in your first chapter which is why I would recommend you to relate to this site:
https://www.vocabulary.com/lists/23710

Read it once and you should be good to go after going through my other points, keep up your great work and good luck!

DKQ I had thought that the use of adverbs should be kept at the minimum?

ZuluA Sorry about that, it was for Pegazz

TheAdventurer http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/dont-dismiss-adverbs

Too many things to do, already sat for 3 hours reading and reviewing. Hopefully this will help with your question :)

DKQ Thanks for the time, you're awesome bro

Cobyboy Oh yes, was waiting to review this lovely diamond. Let me first give you a pat on the back for learning from your mistakes during the first 10 chapters. The idea alone is worth mentioning over and over again due to a war-veteran being transmigrated into a different world after death. We got to see what happened after his death within his previous world and saw how he adapted to another world from going through challenges such as how will he replace the ammo, who is his friend and his enemy. That made me adapt the mentality from chapter 2 of not trusting anyone during the journey of the mighty General Gama!

The mistakes have been mostly fixed from chapter 1 such as Subjective Pronouns and Possessive pronouns. We can conclude that you have adapted the word writing style of our favorite translator StarveCleric, this is why I won't point out the minor mistakes. The major mistakes, on the other hand, is the world building, you are rushing through from being a supreme general to a king, if there is a role you need to stick to it for a time-length and not time-skip it as it will leave a bad taste in us, readers, because we wanted to know how the situation will be handled even if it was a few chapters.

World Building

• The events happening in the world itself
• Aftereffects of the male protagonist
• Culture
• religion
• Political World View
• History
• Sense (What it feels to be within the male protagonist place, being wet from rain and so on)
• Changes that occur from guns

You have met some of the requirements but at the same time you complicated the entire story, after chapter 100 what would the people think when reading? when will it end? That is the conclusion I can give you on this diamond, hopefully, more things will be introduced within the next few tens or hundreds of chapters! :)

DKQ Thanks, I'll try to not use the full system's page, just like the important parts during that part of the story. But I seriously can not think of how I would go without using numbers, the highest so far is 100 levels, which is nice and round and not complicated, can't separate the skills numbers with normal, rare, epic etc like what's highlighted either.

I am going to create an aux page to describe the immortal levels AFTER it's been show in the actual novel, and there won't be that many skills from now on to be honest (trying not to spoil anything).

It can be confusing at the start because of the status page but what can I do about it? It's when it first pops up a few times trying to show how it works.

DKQ <3 You already read it? OMG hahaha thank you so much, that's all i could say hahaha I'll do a better world building on my next novels, thank you :)

Pegazz It is a great novel but the numbers really was too much, you hand from power to cells (everything including brain, eyes and so on) I just want to recommend trying a path where its a few lines instead of a 100 lines. Simplify it and hopefully, that would make it the best :)

Cobyboy stopped at 43, planning to wait till it reaches chapter 100 because It pains me to wait for each chapter.

@DKQ Please take a look at mine as well.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/10599812306072605/The-Challenger
I started out a few weeks ago and have tons of mistakes, including some unused plots (<10 chaps). Please point out any mistakes and errors you find. I'll be very grateful!

DKQ

DKQ could u give me ur review?

Herr is my novel link
https://m.webnovel.com/book/10375200206022405

Btw, there may be some errors that are visible in the prologue, chapter 1,2 and 3. Because I'm trying to edit it myself. But it's been quite better in chapter 4 and so on .(someone helping me) But I do not know.
I really appreciate it if you want to give your opinion.

Thank you

DKQ I'll make sure to fix my transitional phrases on the next chapters for sure! Thank you so much for the feedback!

Newbelist I feel so embarrassed, the amount of grammar mistakes in my review was pure bad! I would like to apologize on that as I was going through some over-time with my review time and as you can see the results, its bad! bows down

17Sphynx17 Thanks for the warning Sphynx, webnovel seems to be working on it this time and hopefully it will get fixed soon

Pegazz Hopefully it gets fixed soon! :)

AidaHanabi The idea is great, the way you wrote during the first 2 chapters are amazing but why am I seeing simple mistakes? We are talking about grammar, a mixture of UK and US English and several small mistakes with the adjectives used. Most the things have been mentioned above except one small thing which I would like to mention here, the usage of caps such as the prologue usage of (ex. "YUKIII") this needs to be removed because it affects your novel quality.

For the adjectives, I would recommend to Try to find words or specific adjectives that capture what exactly you are trying to say instead of using two-word phrases with modifiers like "very" to hold up weak adjectives. (EX: very hard)

I can see some improvements from chapter 1-10 and some changes to your writing which means you have improved either from help or by self-reflection on mistakes (Both are good). Hopefully, you can improve the main things I have pointed out, I am not a professional but a reader and this small things are easy to spot when you are reading carefully. Good Luck and keep up the good work.

@DKQ love what you are doing man... Can you give my novel a look in? I'm planning on editing it once I'm done with the first volume.

Here is a link to the novel... https://m.webnovel.com/book/10425717206035305?keyword=The%207%20&source=auto

(Sorry for giving you the mobile link, I'm currently using my phone). The title of the Novel is called The 7 Realms....

Thanks bro...

tooTired I got your back! Let us go through the basic mistakes which I noticed in the first chapter and second, we have overused words mate, that is very bad because unless its a characteristic of the character in the story then change it (Usage of Grammarly or other similar sites to help you out with it can be good). The best way to improve your novel (based on chapter 1 and 2)

Improvement:

• Word Choice (Can be better)
• Transitional phrase Improvements (Read 1 of the comments above)
• Sentences (Very Short compared to other novels)

We also have an issue with Passive vs Active voices, the best way to improve that would be from this reference : https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/CCS_activevoice.html

Simple yet easy to not find issues, I would recommend reading your novel out-loud if you have issues with writing as it can help you improve your work by leaps! Keep up the good work and good luck!