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Scherazade I have to agree with you xD

DKQ Hello, it's me again hahaha before this thread blows up, I'll to shamelessly ask for another review of my main novel, I am planning to finish this soon and do a better reboot to prolong it, I would like for any mistake that I could change and apply to my remake in the future.

https://www.webnovel.com/book/10382098505022405/The-FPS-Deity

ZuluA#179154 I have been following your novel since the start! Loved it from how unique it was, somethings did annoy me though which is the numbers in the status system. It gets confusing in the long run where I had to re-read from chapter 1 again after a few days of not reading your novel. I might be inexperienced in novels but from the comment section itself, this seems to be a huge issue. To fix this we would need to go through v2.0 Idle system or v3.0 idle system which will permanently remove the idle speed and random 0/1 (a skill which suddenly became unimportant 4 chapters later). Here is a quote on how an Ideal system should be:

DKQ Points to think about before writing a system novel:
Instead of using numbers for attributes why not use letters? (Not everyone is good at math)
Classes are the most important thing in games and systems.
Never create a thousand skills and throw them, focus on one and evolve it
Reputation plays a big part in any system, create a page for it
Always simplify your Character status and do not make it 2 pages long
Every attribute is important, think before you upgrade your character
A level number is indeed important but how about changing it to [Normal 1, Rare 1, Epic 1... God 1...etc]

sounds simple and tidy to authors and readers. The first and second chapter of the Idle System is also part of this confusing cycle where I dropped the novel at first then re-read it, later on, to understand it furthermore than I did before.

Half a page for the status screen, that needs to be removed immediately! Do not ruin your novel for something inconvenience as being OP, there are many ways to do it. Grammar mistakes can be seen from time to time but it isn't that much which is why I would recommend the usage of Grammarly to fix that part.

After talking about the major issues of the novel let us talk about the synopsis, it is vague which means no one will bother reading it because the title contains everything (The Idle System). How to fix this? Re-work on the synopsis and make it a bit mysteries, the goal is to attract the reader into the story with something much more fabulous and alluring. How to do that? simple, follow what the site I will mention tells you and avoid the common mistakes.

Reference : http://www.writersdigest.com/editors-picks/learn-how-to-write-a-synopsis-like-a-pro

Hopefully, you don't ruin this masterpiece that I have been reading and upgrade it from being epic to legendary in the future, good luck with your novel and keep up the good work!

DKQ Are you talking to me or Pegazz ?

@DKQ wow, man!
You really review all these novels?
Respect man, deep respect!

ZuluA After reading the first chapter I stopped to conclude several mistakes, this will be short as I have a bad (good) feeling where more people will be asking me to review their novels (Uh). First will be the usage of commas, first paragraph first sentence:

The Silver Horned [Qilin,] is said to be one of the most extraordinary, unique and of course rarest magical creatures in existence.

This issue persists throughout the first chapter which led me to point it out to be the tall tree. Several Phrases issues can be seen in the first chapter such as all that, you all, freaking, yeah, I don't, really, didn't, thing, got and don't. A problem with sentences too which is barely on the average limit (35 words) and mostly on being short sentences throughout the entire chapter. I have noticed that the narrative way is going south during the first chapter from how you addressed the characters and this is a huge issue if it continues during the next 100 chapters because people will judge you based on that itself and not how good your masterpiece is.

Vocab words are a bit of an issue here as you established a 10th grader wording system in your first chapter which is why I would recommend you to relate to this site:
https://www.vocabulary.com/lists/23710

Read it once and you should be good to go after going through my other points, keep up your great work and good luck!

DKQ I had thought that the use of adverbs should be kept at the minimum?

ZuluA Sorry about that, it was for Pegazz

TheAdventurer http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/dont-dismiss-adverbs

Too many things to do, already sat for 3 hours reading and reviewing. Hopefully this will help with your question :)

DKQ Thanks for the time, you're awesome bro

Cobyboy Oh yes, was waiting to review this lovely diamond. Let me first give you a pat on the back for learning from your mistakes during the first 10 chapters. The idea alone is worth mentioning over and over again due to a war-veteran being transmigrated into a different world after death. We got to see what happened after his death within his previous world and saw how he adapted to another world from going through challenges such as how will he replace the ammo, who is his friend and his enemy. That made me adapt the mentality from chapter 2 of not trusting anyone during the journey of the mighty General Gama!

The mistakes have been mostly fixed from chapter 1 such as Subjective Pronouns and Possessive pronouns. We can conclude that you have adapted the word writing style of our favorite translator StarveCleric, this is why I won't point out the minor mistakes. The major mistakes, on the other hand, is the world building, you are rushing through from being a supreme general to a king, if there is a role you need to stick to it for a time-length and not time-skip it as it will leave a bad taste in us, readers, because we wanted to know how the situation will be handled even if it was a few chapters.

World Building

• The events happening in the world itself
• Aftereffects of the male protagonist
• Culture
• religion
• Political World View
• History
• Sense (What it feels to be within the male protagonist place, being wet from rain and so on)
• Changes that occur from guns

You have met some of the requirements but at the same time you complicated the entire story, after chapter 100 what would the people think when reading? when will it end? That is the conclusion I can give you on this diamond, hopefully, more things will be introduced within the next few tens or hundreds of chapters! :)

DKQ Thanks, I'll try to not use the full system's page, just like the important parts during that part of the story. But I seriously can not think of how I would go without using numbers, the highest so far is 100 levels, which is nice and round and not complicated, can't separate the skills numbers with normal, rare, epic etc like what's highlighted either.

I am going to create an aux page to describe the immortal levels AFTER it's been show in the actual novel, and there won't be that many skills from now on to be honest (trying not to spoil anything).

It can be confusing at the start because of the status page but what can I do about it? It's when it first pops up a few times trying to show how it works.

DKQ <3 You already read it? OMG hahaha thank you so much, that's all i could say hahaha I'll do a better world building on my next novels, thank you :)

Pegazz It is a great novel but the numbers really was too much, you hand from power to cells (everything including brain, eyes and so on) I just want to recommend trying a path where its a few lines instead of a 100 lines. Simplify it and hopefully, that would make it the best :)

Cobyboy stopped at 43, planning to wait till it reaches chapter 100 because It pains me to wait for each chapter.

@DKQ Please take a look at mine as well.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/10599812306072605/The-Challenger
I started out a few weeks ago and have tons of mistakes, including some unused plots (<10 chaps). Please point out any mistakes and errors you find. I'll be very grateful!

@DKQ I've re-wrote the synopsis, I did go back and re-edit all chapters with the Grammarly thinking it's fine since I was unbanned in the reposting thing, but bug happened and most of the chapters are gone, but other than that, all's well. Hopefully, the chaps come back soon.

DKQ

DKQ could u give me ur review?

Herr is my novel link
https://m.webnovel.com/book/10375200206022405

Btw, there may be some errors that are visible in the prologue, chapter 1,2 and 3. Because I'm trying to edit it myself. But it's been quite better in chapter 4 and so on .(someone helping me) But I do not know.
I really appreciate it if you want to give your opinion.

Thank you

DKQ I'll make sure to fix my transitional phrases on the next chapters for sure! Thank you so much for the feedback!

Newbelist I feel so embarrassed, the amount of grammar mistakes in my review was pure bad! I would like to apologize on that as I was going through some over-time with my review time and as you can see the results, its bad! bows down

17Sphynx17 Thanks for the warning Sphynx, webnovel seems to be working on it this time and hopefully it will get fixed soon

Pegazz Hopefully it gets fixed soon! :)

AidaHanabi The idea is great, the way you wrote during the first 2 chapters are amazing but why am I seeing simple mistakes? We are talking about grammar, a mixture of UK and US English and several small mistakes with the adjectives used. Most the things have been mentioned above except one small thing which I would like to mention here, the usage of caps such as the prologue usage of (ex. "YUKIII") this needs to be removed because it affects your novel quality.

For the adjectives, I would recommend to Try to find words or specific adjectives that capture what exactly you are trying to say instead of using two-word phrases with modifiers like "very" to hold up weak adjectives. (EX: very hard)

I can see some improvements from chapter 1-10 and some changes to your writing which means you have improved either from help or by self-reflection on mistakes (Both are good). Hopefully, you can improve the main things I have pointed out, I am not a professional but a reader and this small things are easy to spot when you are reading carefully. Good Luck and keep up the good work.

@DKQ love what you are doing man... Can you give my novel a look in? I'm planning on editing it once I'm done with the first volume.

Here is a link to the novel... https://m.webnovel.com/book/10425717206035305?keyword=The%207%20&source=auto

(Sorry for giving you the mobile link, I'm currently using my phone). The title of the Novel is called The 7 Realms....

Thanks bro...

tooTired I got your back! Let us go through the basic mistakes which I noticed in the first chapter and second, we have overused words mate, that is very bad because unless its a characteristic of the character in the story then change it (Usage of Grammarly or other similar sites to help you out with it can be good). The best way to improve your novel (based on chapter 1 and 2)

Improvement:

• Word Choice (Can be better)
• Transitional phrase Improvements (Read 1 of the comments above)
• Sentences (Very Short compared to other novels)

We also have an issue with Passive vs Active voices, the best way to improve that would be from this reference : https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/CCS_activevoice.html

Simple yet easy to not find issues, I would recommend reading your novel out-loud if you have issues with writing as it can help you improve your work by leaps! Keep up the good work and good luck!

Would be going to try another style to reduce the number of novels I will have to review, already taking most the time of my day so I will link to this site which has been linked to me by a great person on this site, it will help with your novel and will make you improve a lot!

http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/your-novel-blueprint

Before asking me to review any novel please make sure to read what I typed above, based on that I should have answered many common mistakes, I am but a reader and I also can't read everything at once, if anyone can help me out with this please reply to DKQ#7294 on discord and hopefully once we reach 100 posts we will create a discord server to answer several small issues while reviews will be posted here. Thank you, everyone, for your support!

MrDojo Well your novel is a first :) I have noticed how you have a balance between simple and complex sentences, the story itself is amazing from the start. Only issues I have noticed which needs improvements are:

Issues

• Sentences beginning (Always remember, a sentence variety will make your novel special)
• Vocabulary (Helps with conveying what you want to say)
• Outline your entire story (I have noticed how some mistakes happened from time to time due to you taking breaks while writing, this issue is called writer's block)

Some references to help you out:
https://goinswriter.com/how-to-overcome-writers-block/
https://www.time4writing.com/articles-about-writing/vocabulary/
http://www2.eit.ac.nz/library/OnlineGuides/Sentence%20Starters.pdf

Can you please give insight into my work as well?
I would like to know your honest opinion about my work,so that I can ameliorate my work in the forthcoming chapters.
link is:
https://www.webnovel.com/search?keywords=IT%27S%20ALWAYS%20BEEN%20YOU
I really appreciate your work and thank you.

alostgirl I finished reading 5 chapters, not my taste as I rarely read romance type of novels but I can easily identify this is a copy of vampire diaries, I wouldn't say it is a bad thing but its just very similar. The first thing I have talked about in my thread is copying someone else work, it is fine if you want to make it into something similar but copying is very bad without permission. Let us go through the common mistakes first and identify the mistakes:

mistakes

• Grammar (minor mistakes)
• Phrasing (an issue which can be resolved by referring your work to other novels)
• Sentences (No balance, need to refer to a comment above I made about sentences)

Some mistakes as I have talked about can be read out loud and this will help you improve by leaps. I hope you the best and good luck with your work!

DKQ I think u mistook my work, but only two character names are from the series, but rather than that, nothing really matches. I choose the characters name from that series, bcoz I like them.
Thanku for the advice, I will make sure to improve in the future.

Hey, this is really a good topic! Definitively useful for writers. You have my respect @DKQ !

alostgirl I have reviewed it based on me being a reader, If I was the author I will have the mindset of writing my uni essay (bad headache time) that is why I am a bit strict while reviewing other novels, I rate your novel based on 3 things.

Rating review

• General view (Reference based on, a country created in and topics used)
• Language usage (US English or UK English)
• Age Limit (Is it safe for all or not)

This is my main focus during reviewing novels after doing it for a few days, if it was in uni I would most likely focus on the major, language and ignore the age limit. I hate including gender while reviewing as this will lead me to be biased towards one gender so I will only go through the text for most the novels and forget about the gender. So when I reviewed your novel here is

What I don't want to see

• Mistakes that will destroy your gem
• Basic errors
• Phrasing

This is not only to help you but help myself in the future if I want to start writing as it will teach me and you. The biggest problem while being an author is not looking at our novels from a reader point of view which will not only affect us but others who read it leads to bad reviews and bad comments destroying the novel. I apologize if I have made any mistakes and will reflect on it, keep up the good work!

DKQ I really like ur work, as I said, thanksalot for the valuable points and for your time on my work as well.

@DKQ i've redone ALL 46 chapters with Grammarly, even edited the first few chapters trying to break down the skills rather than have it hit you all at once, tell me if it's better or not now please :kiss:

DKQ Yo man, thanks for the review... I really appreciate it.. Would have replied a long time ago but I'm having issues with my WiFi.. I sent you a discord invite man....

Thanks again...

P.s. please read my Novel... Hehehe

DKQ Yo man, thanks for the review... I really appreciate it.. Would have replied a long time ago but I'm having issues with my WiFi.. I sent you a discord invite man....

Thanks again...

P.s. please read my Novel... Hehehe

MrDojo Already reading it, finished with the others that has caught my interest and I am now planning to create a discord server for a better way to respond to reviewing novels.

100 posts lads good job!