MellowGuy I love the synopsis! Sadly you have several grammar errors in it. I would recommend reading your story out loud. This will help you catch wordy sentences and several other errors. If you get tongue tied when you try to read something out loud then you should revise it.
You stole your own thunder when you stated that something suddenly happened before it happened. Let the event happen then add in Suddenly “Luccas could only...” How you let things unfold can help change the tension your reader experiences.
A perfect example of letting your story unfold without spoiling it is:
“He froze.
A flying beast so big that you can actually ride …”
You also have quite the info dump and wall of text at the end of your chapter. The first chapter should be your hook. It will be the last stop before your reader decides if they are fully committed to reading the story or are interested in something else. Personally, I find an info dump like this bad because I have a horrible ability to recall things. I made it to the end of your world history and had forgotten the beginning. I don’t want to forget these things, they are important. If you can slow down the pace when you give out information your reader has a better chance at recalling it.
Please keep writing your story! Hopefully this helps!

      creativewritting Thank you for the review! Helped a lot! I was also confused about the information is too much for the readers in the first chapters, but I thought it would be better to have too many information than not having enough and getting confused why this or that happened... I tried to make the explanations as natural as I could so that the readers wouldn't feel like I'm just stuffing them with info... apparently, that backfired... Anyway, I'll try working on it, I was already planning to rewrite the chapters, so I've decided to divide the long explanations into several related occasions. The spoiling issue noted. The grammar, however... I try double checking the novel but I always end up with some mistakes, hopefully, I'll try working things out by reading more grammar books and articles or something... Again, thank you very much for the review!

        Hiya there,
        Any feedback would be extremely useful
        Name: The Rise (Realistic Fiction - Political Drama)
        Synopsis: Despite being the son of two of the most powerful politicians in the country, Leon never cared greatly for politics. Until his father is suddenly arrested midway through his campaign. Leon, acting out with revenge and worry, finds himself in the middle of one of the greatest political rivalries in history.
        Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/10669595306096005/The-Rise
        Thank you

          Hello to yous, I would just like some feedback towards my first novel, yous have my thanks.

          Both good and bad reviews are accepted as I want to improve whilst writing this first novel of mine.

          https://www.webnovel.com/book/10690615405128905/Apex-System
          Synopsis
          Hailed as a once in a millennium genius, Tian Long was deceived and betrayed, eventually losing everything, including his life.

          However, Legends never die!

          Armed with a system he obtained, reaching the Apex is but a matter of time.

          Follow the story of a legend as he carves an everlasting glory!

          The updates are 1 chapter a day or more.

            NeverLost I like your synopsis! It’s short, descriptive, and sweet. In contrast your second sentence was really long. If you run your story though slick write it can give you some stats on sentence length to help you identify when one might be too long. Also, be careful about caveating things in your writing it can detract from what you just said. (You are not alone in having to watch out for this.)

            I liked how you gave the chase scene then backtracked after using a line to explain more. On the other hand you may have given too detailed of a synopsis on your protagonist's history. You can let some of this slip out as your story progresses. If you dull these things out in smaller bits they will be like a very sweet treat something you can really only enjoy to its fullest when given in small portions.

            You accidentally stole your own thunder or in this case explosive moment by given a suddenly before you gave your sound effects. It was okay this time, but watch out for such events in the future these moments are key to increasing the tension your reader. You may still be able to improve this one, but I’m not sure how.

            Your story seems interesting and you definitely pulled me in at a lot of points. Just keep working on it and you'll get there!

                It will be my first time editing official novels but I could and would like to lend a hand... 😊 😊 😊

                  Hello! I would like to request for a review as well.

                  Title: Codename: Phoenix
                  Link:https://m.webnovel.com/book/10635950706083405?keyword=&source=auto
                  Genre:Romance Fiction
                  Update Frequency: one chapter a day ( but sometimes two or three when I received decent amounts of power stones hehe)

                  As the author, I think the story has a good plot but I believe that there are still things to improve to attract more readers.

                  Thanks in advance!

                    creativewritting Thank you! Appreciate it I guess I can shorten it since some words aren't that much needed in it.

                        Hello,

                        I'd love to have a review on my fiction as well!

                        https://www.webnovel.com/book/10491892106047905/Jupiter's-Rising

                        Title: Jupiter's Rising
                        Genre: Fantasy, magic, some game elements.

                        Focus is mainly on character going on an adventure from a sedentary life but I noticed that character development is quite the challenge while progressing the story in a fun a natural way.
                        I also want to mention I already realized that my whole beginning seems to be a stretched to about 31 chapters before any real action ensues....

                        I update 2 chapters every other day usually, and have a lot to work towards to make my novel fun and "light"

                        Thank you for taking the time!

                        • DKQ replied to this.

                          Hello! I would like a review for my novel as well.

                          https://m.webnovel.com/book/10746867606154605
                          Genre: Fantasy/Genderbender

                          I have troubles in writing since I usually draw manga, where I don't have to use a lot of adjectives and long sentences. So I want some advice on what should and shouldn't be there. I also have doubts on my grammar so please give me some tips on that as well. Thank you!

                          • DKQ replied to this.

                            basabookk I like your synopsis and Cover! Your story is great and pulled me right along with it! The only problem I found was the occasional grammatical and tense error. If you run your stuff through grammarly it will help fix some of these errors. You can also try carefully reading your story out loud several times. The mistakes I’ve seen are few so they’re harder catch on your own. Keep up the good work!

                                Hello, I just saw this thread and thought it's amazing of what you guys are doing!
                                I'm currently writing two novels and would like to ask for a review for both. Is that okay?
                                For now though, I'll go ahead and just post the information for the one I'm most concerned for.

                                Link to the novel: 13 Clans of Gods vs The God of Void
                                The genre of the novel: Fantasy
                                What do you think about it as an author: What I'm mostly concerned about is the plot, grammar and writing style. As you can see, I write in 1st person, so I am worried that this is a big part of what isn't attracting readers (and the random updates). I have tried my best with editing the chapters, but when I go back over it, I tend to find even more mistakes. I'm really not good when it comes to editing. As the writer, of course, I have enjoyed the progress of the story and the characters. I especially like my male lead and can't wait to see him get stronger. Although, I still feel as if I'm missing something.
                                How common are the updates: 1-3 chapters a week. Updates, for now, are an issue for me. They are random and will continue to be so until June 4.

                                • DKQ replied to this.

                                  FlowingTime Hello Flowing time! I have just finished reading your first chapter and what can I say, it is great! The idea is well placed while your mindset towards placing those ideas are unique, the only issue I had was the spelling mistakes and small issues with the sentences which are unbalanced. Let me list the issues and find some ways to reference them for research purpose:

                                  Issues [Chapter 1]

                                  • Spelling (read last sentences)
                                  • Sentence structure (Paragraph 2 and 5)

                                  That is all I can find really, was a bit difficult but thankfully caught those 2 issues at chapter one because if no one mentioned them it would be a huge issue. Good luck and keep up the good work!

                                  References:
                                  https://study.com/academy/lesson/how-to-write-better-by-improving-your-sentence-structure.html
                                  https://www.fluentu.com/blog/english/how-to-improve-english-spelling/

                                  • DKQ

                                      CheezyMayo Hello~ After reading the first chapter I can see common issues spread out like a damn virus! Yet what caught me off-guard is how the story is being amazingly told to us which not only made me interested to read more but excited! Let us first talk about the major issues that have been found in the first chapter,

                                      Issues

                                      • Missing Article ("I could hear the faint sound of siren and a lot of noise coming from the streets and the people around me." the siren should have 'A' or 'The' before it)
                                      • Split infinitive ("to just stop." should be "Just to stop")
                                      • Faulty parallelism ("trickles" should be "trickled")
                                      • Complex Wording ("a ladle" isn't that a damn spoon?! too complex)
                                      • Tautological phrase ("Until that one fateful night, she caught him doing the deed with someone else on her own condo!" the word Own should be removed as it expresses the same information twice. Avoid using repetitive words when writing, especially in formal situations.)

                                      This is the major issues I had found in your novel. Best way to fix this kind of issues are to read them out-loud, if you have issues with anything, avoid it and try to write simple words, simple text-lines and always remember your basics when writing that it is all me in the story and no one else!

                                      Reference:
                                      https://www.thoughtco.com/faulty-parallelism-grammar-1690788
                                      https://literarydevices.net/tautology/
                                      <Read document linked on the thread for more materials>

                                      • DKQ
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