- Edited
NeverLost I like your synopsis! It’s short, descriptive, and sweet. In contrast your second sentence was really long. If you run your story though slick write it can give you some stats on sentence length to help you identify when one might be too long. Also, be careful about caveating things in your writing it can detract from what you just said. (You are not alone in having to watch out for this.)
I liked how you gave the chase scene then backtracked after using a line to explain more. On the other hand you may have given too detailed of a synopsis on your protagonist's history. You can let some of this slip out as your story progresses. If you dull these things out in smaller bits they will be like a very sweet treat something you can really only enjoy to its fullest when given in small portions.
You accidentally stole your own thunder or in this case explosive moment by given a suddenly before you gave your sound effects. It was okay this time, but watch out for such events in the future these moments are key to increasing the tension your reader. You may still be able to improve this one, but I’m not sure how.
Your story seems interesting and you definitely pulled me in at a lot of points. Just keep working on it and you'll get there!