Review from fellow OT author
- Edited
Misguided_Rooster I am trying to decipher your sentence. It sounds like you want to lose the will to write and if you post here you think the Skully will stop you losing the will... now...thats what it reads like and if you mean something else you are perfect for a Brutal review.
- Edited
DeJeL
masterpeice of the billenium
Because this novel is a masterpiece of this world, and on other planes of existence, without compare; I am not worthy to write a review on it. I have decided to write a review of the requirements for a reader to partake in this enlightened-dragon-master-godly work.
Interpolation Requirement: 70
.
If you, the reader, are unable to consume line after line of text, insert commas, full stops, attribute voice and interpolate on the fly you will not be able to follow this story. This is not the fault of the author. It is yours for not being of adequate interpolation level. Please go and read forty thousands chapters of machine translated novels and return to attempt again if you cannot comprehend the magnitude of these works.
Cipher Level Requirement: 67
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If the reader is experiencing difficulties working out what just happened and you read the section over again. And again and you finally think you know what has happened. If this is you. You need more training. You have not reached the cipher level requirement to enjoy this masterpiece. This work is beyond you acolyte. The masterpiece does not need to explain to you why Carmen loves Dawson unconditionally immediately nor why they are cousins or she is an angel who knows about the Bible and won't explain. No... It is your task to decipher this information. No novel for you today. Come back tomorrow.
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Interpretation Level Requirement: Ninth Gate of the Elder Dragon
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If a reader is unable to open the nine gates of the elder dragon reading they will not be able to interpret and comprehend this work. Skully the disembodied floating undead skull who has lived for forty centuries, who starting reading hieroglyphics as a child's finger bone is struggling. You mere mortal have no chance. Even with the aid of chapter 2 character descriptions, (which you can edit? please don't troll this section) because adding descriptions of characters into the story is beneath the Master. That is the domain of mere mortals.
As a test, if you are unable to comprehend this review. Go. Read another billion words. Unless you can read with your eyes closed and you can see Mount Tai from the inside of your eyelids you are not ready for this fiction.
Suggestion to Author regarding equipment: I think you need to replace your keyboard. The enter key, comma and full stop keys are only working twenty percent of the time.
Hey! I'd like a review. You can be whatever you want to be yo, just be honest let me know how you feel!
Skully_ Can you do mine too be nice please. :)
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11169202106275405/The-Overwhelming-Path
and
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11529754806409805/Adopted-Soldier
Hello! I also want a thrashing, I mean, a review. XD Brutal, please. Newbie here trying to improve.
This is mine, The Misfortunes of the Blessed Son , with the first seven chapters as more of a prologue.
Skully_ Suggestion to Author regarding equipment: I think you need to replace your keyboard. The enter key, comma and full stop keys are only working twenty percent of the time.
Within the first 3.5 chapters, the blocks of text (not the other things though, I'm just bad at punctuation and need an editor) are a plot feature.
Though I readily thank you for the review, that is the most generous review I've gotten thus far. Thank you.;,;.
Dark_Reality I'm reading yours now. Sorry I have been busy.
Review of Slayer
Originality - 5/5 For this site cultivation stories are very common. But this story is quite different. Its a cross between Natural Born Killers and a Cultivation Master Fighting
Story - 3/5 There is a great story buried beneath the info dump. I can see it in the Authors imagination but it is really struggling to be communicated in the text. The problem is the writing style. I will give examples and suggestions after the categories.
Characters - 2/5 There is an MC, an Antagonist and side characters. The MC is not well defined, I understand he is a master, young in appearance, an expert. But I know little about his goals, motivation or personality. A weak to strong MC can be much more appealing than a straight up Master. But that is for the Author to determine.
The antagonist has an issue that he is MC focused or obsessed. I advise you create a personality, motivations and goals for the Antagonist. His life does not revolve around the MC unless the MC stands in his way for a vital objective. OR he stands in the MCs way for his objective. At the moment I cannot tell. Cao just hunts the MC. For Reasons.
Flow - 1/5 The flow is terrible. It's an infodump. There is conversation but it is poorly written. There is a description of people and places. But the way it is delivered in massively long sentences which are not well thought out. These are not genius sentences, the language is poor. What could have been said with four words uses twenty. And its repetitive.
Examples
I have taken an exert and rewritten it. Its much easier than trying to descibe how to improve.
FROM THIS
Leo then pushed the wrist of the man straight towards his face the knife which was now facing the fat man stabbed into his right eye the fat man screamed in agony as blood along with a gooey liquid rushed out, Leo pulled the knife out of the fat mans right eye when Leo pulled the knife out his eyeball which was slashed in half was visible along with the flesh behind his eye Leo then sent the knife once again to the fat mans face, but this time to his left eye the fat man screamed once again in agony unable to bear the pain of having both his eyes stabbed.
Leo did not stop there he pulled the knife out from the fat man's left eye and pierced the fat man's face first he struck on his cheek then on his nose then on his forehead by this time the fat man had stopped screaming which meant that he had passed on but that did not stop Leo who continued to slash the fat man's face 5 more times until the fat man's brain, eyes, nose were all mixed his skull was cracked in many places and his face was covered with nothing but rushing blood from all direction his face was now beyond recognizable.
“
TO THIS
“
Leo pushed the man’s wrist back towards his own face. As the knife slowly entered the fat man’s right eye, he screamed in agony. Blood and a gooey liquid rushed out as Leo removed the knife. The eyeball still clung to the knife, skewered on the blade, as Leo stabbed the fat man in the face again. This time piercing the right eye as the fat man continued to scream with increasing shrillness. The fat man was unable to bear the pain of multiple stabbings to the face, and his screaming stopped as he blacked out moments before his death.
.
When the frenzy concluded the fat man’s eyes, nose, cheeks and mouth were indistinguishable in the bloody mess that was once his face.
There is no need for thought bubbles (single quotations) in 3rd person when handled correctly.
FROM THIS
'I'm sure Cao will be searching for me, I can't stay in this village anymore since it's the closest to the city the chances of him coming here are high' Thinking this Leo
TO THIS
Leo was sure Cao would be searching for him, he couldn’t stay in the village anymore. It was closest to the city and the chances of Cao coming there were high.
Suggestion: I think you should keep writing. It takes 10,000 hours to master anything. I would love it if you try and take on board what I have said and read book of authors. But keep writing, writing and writing. TBH my first 200,000 words were crap. You are doing great.
Skully_ You are the one taking time from your day to read my story so it's fine.
- Edited
Skully_ The mc was an expert but right now he is not, he is a normal human being. I also don't intend to make him a master from the beginning I believe going from weak to strong is much better for mc as a person and to the story.
One of my main objectives with this story was to create a good villain and not a person who is evil for the sake of being evil which in this case is Cao who like you said revolves around the mc. I wanted to create a villain that has a personality, motivation, and goal but I guess I was unable to present that but I can guarantee as the story moves forward all these things will become more clear.
I considered my writing to be good but I believe I needed this as now I won't think 'My writing is good since I know it's good so others will also think it's good' I will also try to reduce the amount of info dump and dialogue is a big part of what I'm trying to improve.
I will keep your examples and tips in mind and improve my writing.
Thank you for pointing out the good and the bad so I can create a better story and maybe one day mine will be up there with yours ;).
- Edited
Broughtwaorld2 Where is this novel in need of brutal mode?
Lol its Legends of the System Creator
Skully_
I think my novel is next. I originally asked for a nice review but feel free to go brutal. Whichever way you enjoy more is fine with me =)
Skully_ ugh....sorry t was my mistake. I just changed the name so my bad. but please do the most brutal review ever.
Novel: Legends of the system creator
Skully_ ugh....sorry t was my mistake. I just changed the name so my bad. but please do the most brutal review ever.
Novel: Legends of the system creator
Whoa... Free reviews! Is this for real? But my negative luck stat... how could good things possibly happen?!? This must be a t-trap!
...Urgh, I can't resist the trap!
Here's my novel! I-it's not like I want you to review it or anything!
Whoa... Free reviews! Is this for real? But my negative luck stat... how could good things possibly happen?!? This must be a t-trap!
...Urgh, I can't resist the trap!
Here's my novel! I-it's not like I want you to review it or anything!