Please review mine. I'd prefer a nice review if possible.

I currently have 11 chapters and 17k+ words, and should be able to release the next chapter tomorrow at most.

Duality

    Heya, Link to your book, since your reviewing books I'd like to return the favour. I dont want nice or brutal just honest. This being said your welcome to skip over mine since its BL genre ( even if there is no p0rn in it and its mostly comedy some people may get uncomfortable ) https://www.webnovel.com/book/11490900806393805/I-reincarnated-into-a-harem-game-as-a-villain%2C-Please-stay-away-I'm-gay!

    PS I have an editor now so don't worry too much about grammer they should be fixing it up soon. :)

      Huangdi Distinct voice means exactly what it implies which is each character sounds like a different individual. Their own person. The opposite of this is when all the characters talk the same, sound the same. It is something an author needs to work on to ensure all the characters don't sound like the same person.

      There are exceptions. When a group of people, i.e. students, hang out together all the time they end up sounding similar. But their personalities will still be different. This falls apart when the teacher enters because the teacher should talk completely different to the students. Use different language and sentence structure.

        HavenlyJeep
        link to story

        Spoilers within.

        Originality - 5/5 This is an original story. I applaud on_a_jeep for creating an original world, plot and powers. I enjoyed following the MC as she, I assume she because she wore a dress, walked through her world. The title is superb

        Story - 4/5 The plot is very good. However, it is let down by weak or lazy descriptions. For example. Hope is in a conversation protesting the fact he is assigned as Ava's bodyguard and the story then states.
        "I felt bad for him, so I convinced Hope that I would protect him."
        This sort of shortcut is repeated often during the story. The author should have taken the time to SHOW not TELL the reader how Ava convinced him and it would have taken some time. Because he was quite adamant that he didn't want to do it.

        This is just one example of a shortcut was taken instead of showing what happened and these shortcuts ruin a great story.

        Another example.
        Grandpa says "This gun has enough firepower to penetrate the armor of a tank with one shot. A new invention. You'd be surprised by how much technology has developed in the recent years until now, the year 2031."

        Why is Grandpa talking to the reader? The characters know what year it is. I assume they know technology has progressed but even so, it would be more like grandpa would say something like "we have these new prototype guns which can shoot through the armour of a tank."
        I can only guess the reason that grandpa said this was the author didn't want to go to the trouble of explaining the technology of the world and the year. Hence another example of taking shortcuts instead of describing what was happening.

        Characters - 3/5 The MC has a distinct personality. I was a little confused how she went from demure and pacifist to a stone cold killer.
        The parents were confusing. I get the "evil" side. But I couldn't make sense of their motivations. They were used as a plot device. And logic be damned. One of my questions is, why did they bother wiping her memories? They could have just jailed her and experimented on her. Why after all that work and time in hiding did they decide, ok we will kill you now you are useless? Now there may be answers to these questions but it wasn't explained. And I am left to assume the parents had a role to play in the story and there was no work done on their goals and motivations.

        Flow - 3/5 The flow was ok. I was able to understand most of what was happening without re-reading a sentence or paragraph. There were times when I wasn't sure who was talking as there were only quotes with no attribution. The grammar was good in parts and other parts it was particularly bad. And while I am not judging grammar, I am where is affects the flow. In this story it does a few times every chapter.

        Suggestions: Don't be lazy and take your time to SHOW everything to the reader. You have a great story but the delivery made it hard to receive.

            Mine: Hero Conspiracy

            I'll be greedy and ask for a mix between both, Brutal With a touch of humor and constructive to see what I did right and I did wrong.

              Misguided_Rooster I am trying to decipher your sentence. It sounds like you want to lose the will to write and if you post here you think the Skully will stop you losing the will... now...thats what it reads like and if you mean something else you are perfect for a Brutal review.

                  Skully_ hahaha, then I will be waiting for your bony review, master undead disembodied floating skull deep bow

                      DeJeL
                      masterpeice of the billenium

                      Because this novel is a masterpiece of this world, and on other planes of existence, without compare; I am not worthy to write a review on it. I have decided to write a review of the requirements for a reader to partake in this enlightened-dragon-master-godly work.

                      Interpolation Requirement: 70
                      .
                      If you, the reader, are unable to consume line after line of text, insert commas, full stops, attribute voice and interpolate on the fly you will not be able to follow this story. This is not the fault of the author. It is yours for not being of adequate interpolation level. Please go and read forty thousands chapters of machine translated novels and return to attempt again if you cannot comprehend the magnitude of these works.

                      Cipher Level Requirement: 67
                      .
                      If the reader is experiencing difficulties working out what just happened and you read the section over again. And again and you finally think you know what has happened. If this is you. You need more training. You have not reached the cipher level requirement to enjoy this masterpiece. This work is beyond you acolyte. The masterpiece does not need to explain to you why Carmen loves Dawson unconditionally immediately nor why they are cousins or she is an angel who knows about the Bible and won't explain. No... It is your task to decipher this information. No novel for you today. Come back tomorrow.
                      .
                      Interpretation Level Requirement: Ninth Gate of the Elder Dragon
                      .
                      If a reader is unable to open the nine gates of the elder dragon reading they will not be able to interpret and comprehend this work. Skully the disembodied floating undead skull who has lived for forty centuries, who starting reading hieroglyphics as a child's finger bone is struggling. You mere mortal have no chance. Even with the aid of chapter 2 character descriptions, (which you can edit? please don't troll this section) because adding descriptions of characters into the story is beneath the Master. That is the domain of mere mortals.

                      As a test, if you are unable to comprehend this review. Go. Read another billion words. Unless you can read with your eyes closed and you can see Mount Tai from the inside of your eyelids you are not ready for this fiction.

                      Suggestion to Author regarding equipment: I think you need to replace your keyboard. The enter key, comma and full stop keys are only working twenty percent of the time.

                          Hey! I'd like a review. You can be whatever you want to be yo, just be honest let me know how you feel!

                          Sky Fall Legend

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