Yoan_Roturier You should sleep well, it is really important. I do a lot of night browsing so I am not the best person to give this advise but you should rest while you can, it is really important for mental health.

    SpilledInk he’s an amazing kid🥰 4 going on 10😂 I mainly write while he does his ABC mouse, eats, sleeps, etc.. I refuse to sacrifice my playtime with him, unless he tells me that he wants to play by himself(it’s rare, and only when it’s his video game time😂). My mom helps out A Lot too. I have the Best Mom Ever❤️

        RAQN
        Then no, it isn't worth your time since your goal differs from the 10 ratings' purpose. Do ask for people to look at your work here, it should be helpful to accomplish your current goal.

          Sure:

          • Immersion
          • Fantasy
          • A lover of stories, Mono has always preferred reading or writing about characters and their conflicts over dealing with his own. One night, he wakes up to an insane, yet familiar scene from a story he has read: a grey room, a goddess, and a journey to a fantasy-like world. Forced to leave Earth and survive in the other world for a year, Mono explores magic rooted in human perception while he confronts issues both external and internal.
          • https://www.webnovel.com/book/immersion_19846974305444305

          Would like to preface that the first chapter (prologue) is intentionally cliche. Since it was also my first attempt at fictional writing ever, it's also bad that way too. Chapters are called chapters to help me plot out minor arcs/themes involving side characters rather than being chapters for the readers.

          I'm looking for overall impressions and suggestions on current pacing, presentation of information, and depictions of characters.

            SpilledInk
            One thing you should know about me. If you wanna ask me something, cute ways aren't the best. :P
            Hahaha.

            Eeee... for the discord tag go to the bottom left-hand corner of your discord window. There you will see your name, just click on it and it will copy your tag then you'll just have to paste it anywhere you want people to know about it.

            Like here for example. But you looked at me with cute eyes... Hahah
            Just give me the tag, I'll send you an invite.

                Yoan_Roturier

                First, thank you so much!

                1. Your reading notes: I admit that when I wrote Volume 0, I wasn't sure either to write it or not but then, I was conflicted because I have to mention the love interest name on the blurb. I think of adding Jun's name as well and delete the name parts on Volume 0

                2. Positive stuff: I kind of want to steer away from the one-night-stand that I often come across on WebNovel, even though most come from the translated C-books. As for Jun, hehe, I have plans for him but it's not my cup of tea to turn my characters into stupid villains or A-hole. Still need to think of the character development tho

                3: Less positive stuff: Yes, I do have problems with phrases and all. That's why I tend to keep my paragraphs short just to make sure I don't overdo it 😂 I really need to brush up on my writing skills as well as the use of phrases

                I love to read but I don't know how to write constructive reviews so your offer really helps me a lot. Thank you so much for your time!

                  Yashima099

                  Honest review #2
                  Title: Didn’t I say make me famous in my next life?
                  Author: Yashima099
                  Chapters read: until the latest update (chap 3)

                  Reading notes (Those are my notes. Might not make sense but I still wanted to leave it here):

                  Past tense and present tense confusing

                  Heart warming dialogs intent. But counteract by bad grammar and turns of phrases.

                  Punctuation issues

                  Overuse of capital letters

                  Volume 0 Character sheet. Bad for mystery

                  Huge description paragraph. No purpose.

                  Flow problem

                  Story: Hum too soon to judge. But it took you three chapters to get to the point where he revives. A tad too much to my opinion. A bit slow.

                  World building: At this stage, I really can’t judge. It’s too early. If I’ve read 10 or so chaps then maybe, I would be able to. But I saw some inspiration from Greek and other mythological gods. Sounds interesting so far.

                  Character design: They look alright and distinct from one another. However, according to your Volume 0 I can say that you put some thought into it. But, you do have the same issue as Honest Review #1. I don’t know where trend to make character sheets or reveal your characters in an annex doc come from. I think it’s really weird. It chases away the mystery of the story and even the characters. Your sheets were particularly detailed. Too detailed to my opinion. Writing serves as the thread linking your story to your readers mind. However, if the thread is to thick it won’t enter the holes by which they enter readers mind. If it’s too small it will sever. Okay, all that chinese quote thing to say, don’t be too descriptive about characters. I’ve once read a guy with perfect english and descriptions. But what a bore his story was. It was like he could describe a guy taking a single step forward with 2000 words. Sounds boring right? Anyway, just don’t take away your readers imagination.

                  Writing quality: My favorite, because I hate it as much as you probably do. Okay, prepare yourself, fasten your seatbelt, wear an armor, etc. Ready? Okay. It took me out of the story. I don’t know how the people the comment sections did, but I sure had a hard time. In chapter 1, I tried my best to stay focus, chapter 2, my mind started to waver, chapter 3 it was already elsewhere. I left you some paragraph comments to point out some of them. But here’s the gist of it:
                  - Punctuation: You should check out punctuation rules online. Maybe you’re trying to give your story a certain style with specific punctuation. I get it. But if you don’t master the basics, it won’t be believable. To me, it wasn’t. Another point, careful with your paragraphs. The bigger they are the harder they fall. It hurts eyes. Break those up.

                  • Wording and weird turn of phrases: Hum, not much that can be done in that regard. Just read and write.

                  • The Flow: What I call the flow, don’t know if others call it like this (maybe idk), is not some shenanigan about a secret liquid flowing through your texts. It’s much more simple: It’s when the next sentence doesn’t match the previous one. When I say matching, it doesn’t necessarly have to contain the same subject. But it does have to be linked in some way. Imagine your every sentence as pieces of a single road. A perfect flow is a flat road on which you can easily walk. A bad flow is a rocky road stuffed with crevaces, holes and what not.

                  Here’s a little bonus to help you improving your writing quality.

                  Dialog correction example: Exctract from chapter 1.

                  Original: “Ever since your dad left, my life becomes so empty, gloom and confusing, but then you always bring light to my loneliest day, keep me warm with your hugs and keep my mind straight whenever you’re near me, Luca, you became my life. But since then, you became independent and always took care of me. I love you so much son.”

                  Suggestion:

                  “Your dad’s departure left me empty… alone. Life turned gloomy, confusing even. But you…” She smiled warmly, “you’ve always shone like a little sun, brightening up my life day after day, chasing away the loneliness and confusion. You became my everything. And even when you gained your independence, you still took care of me. For that, and many more reasons, my son, I love you.”

                  Stuff like this, not my best but I don’t have enough stamina for more. Also, don’t consider using it for your novel. It’ll be too different from what you wrote before and won’t benefit your flow. That’s it for now. Cya amigo.

                      RAQN it’s beneficial if you specifically state that that is your intention. Readers on Webnovel barely glance at books that don’t have ratings yet, unless the cover and/or synopsis is truly captivating. Readers are a great source of honesty(the ones that do comment), so I do suggest attempting the rating, at least. I hope this helped☮️❤️😁

                      • RAQN replied to this.

                          Jo_J are you able to see the chapter notes I’m leaving? Just want to make sure before I move on to the second chapter. Those are just immediate things that can be corrected. I will still give an overall review on here as well; just wanna make sure that the additional stuff is making it’s way to you😁

                              @Jo_J Please remember that all critiques are done with love❤️ It is all personal opinion, and completely up to you to decide what to do with. Ignore it, or use it: it’s up to you.

                              Synopsis: Personally, I find it a bit lacking. I like that it explains what type of story you’re about to read, but it has no real details about the book’s plot(names, characters’ connections, etc..). I do like that it tells you that it pertains to the editorial world of a male magazine business, but having ‘betrayal’ on there twice is a bit redundant. I would switch one of them out with either ‘deception’, or ‘treachery’.(my thesaurus is my best friend😂)

                              Story Plot: it’s hard to comment on because I only read the first three chapters, but what I gleaned from them is that the narcissistic editor had invited the new chief editor over for dinner. He has the flashback of their first meeting, but that was it. So far so good, but I would also introduce/tease the forementioned betrayal. Something like: ‘the dinner was just the first step to his intricate plot..’ Just as a hook at the end of the first chapter.

                              World building: You are doing very well with this so far. The food descriptions, clothes, etc.. Are all described very well. I would suggest adding room descriptions, but that usually depends on the amount of time that the characters will be spending in each room, per scene. If they’re going to be spending a lot of time at his place or the office, describe things like window sizes, wall and/or color/texture, table arrangements, amount of light in the room, etc.. This will help the readers better picture the scenes in their mind’s eye.

                              Technicals: I didn’t see any misspellings, but there are a lot of sentence structure errors like running sentences, punctuation errors, and past/present mixups. What helps me is to read the sentence out loud. If you have to take a breath while saying the sentence, then there should be a comma, semicolon, or a colon. Depending on the length of the pause or emphasis you want within the sentence, or if there is a specific point being made within the sentence. Also, be careful about your wordage. I had left a comment about using ‘vast’ instead of ‘enormous’, but here’s another example:

                              In(I think) chapter two you had called the FM’s skin ‘silky’ when they had first met. You need to say ‘silky-looking’ since he hadn’t actually touched her yet.

                              Overall: It’s an interesting story, but it needs a hook to carry the reader into the next chapter. There were also unnecessary things at the start of some sentences like ‘besides’. Starting sentences like that is meant to connect/extend large thoughts or details together. Overall I think your book has great potential, especially here on Webnovel(once some editing is done). I hope you found this helpful. I apologize if anything sounded mean; I swear it wasn’t meant to😅 It’s difficult to be delicate online😅

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