Yoan_Roturier

Oh my god!😂😂😂
Reading this, I was literally wondering how many months it would take me to pay you 20 powerstones.😂
How exhorbitant!

      Yoan_Roturier Hello! I'll start by saying that this is a great idea considering most readers don't leave reviews even when they like the content and review swap is usually just 5 stars which supports authors but also omits any criticism that could lead to any actual improvement.

      I hope you're having a great day, and considering the honest review, I understand it takes a lot of time and if you are busy don't mind the message.
      If you are ever free and have the will to review my book, thank you in advance!
      It may not be much, but I like your book The Return of The Woodcutter and will support it!

      That aside, here is my novel.

      Title: Four Rules To Live A Long Life
      Sypnosis: Rule N°1: There are 100 worlds.
      Rule N°2: Each world contains a breach to reach the next world.
      Rule N°3: Progression is linear.
      Rule N°4: Death is eternal.

      We will wait for you at the top.

      Yohan was a victim of war, having died in the midst of conflict.
      To compensate from his unjust death, he was given the opportunity to become a World Climber, navigating upwards through the 100 worlds in hopes of one day reaching the mysterious 1st world.

      Genre: Fantasy

      Link: http://wbnv.in/a/03g2Ngj

      Thank you very much! Have a good day!

          Donniedrako15_
          It's quite a coincidence that we both are writing heist, though mine is with sword and magic.
          Just finished reading the first five chapters. Here's my thought.

          First the book cover, you should change it to something fancy. In my opinion, go with something that shows the whole crew like in the suicide squad or now you see me poster.

          Second the title and synopsis, the title is fine it worked well with your theme. Good Job there. But there are a few problems with the synopsis. You tell only about the premise of the story there's nothing about the protagonist. Also, clear out the prominent plot and subplot a bit in it. Show the conflict a bit as well.

          And now the main issue.
          The very first chapter is quite interesting, good job there. Readers would be able to find the theme immediately after reading the first chapter.
          Your writing style is more than decent at the level of WN as far as I'm concerned. You showed the inner feeling quite well as well as the outer action. Maybe a little work on the place the characters were in would help it better.
          I like there's a flaw in the magic system... Nowadays most would forget that and rained their characters with awful overpower shit.
          I won't talk more about what you did well as I can tell you already know what you're good at.

          Now the cons of The Cons (bad pun 😅)
          The main problem that I found in your writing was PACING. I know how hard pacing can be it's where most aspiring writers struggled (I'm included). Here's a piece of common advice for pacing: shorter paragraphs mean fast pace, broader para means slow pace. It works on most occasion. The paragraphs on the second and third chapters were quite long, some even touching the two hundred words mark. While on the fifth chapter where you introduced Omna's perspective I think it will work well if you slow down the pace, even more, add more description and inner feeling into it.

          The second con was the POV. You worked quite well in the first four chapters. But when you introduce Omna or the boss in their POV it kinda felt unnatural to me. Well, that's one of the limitations of 1st person POV. AND do remember to never write down who's POV it is. It should be in the writer's expertise to slip in who the narrator is. You can add just a line like this: Omna felt ominous in her whole body as she struggled to rise up from the bed...

          Apart from that, there's no major issue I could see. Well, there were a few redundant sentence and telling rather than showing. These come with experience. Overall good writing. I'll gave you a thumbs up.

              Yoan_Roturier You should sleep well, it is really important. I do a lot of night browsing so I am not the best person to give this advise but you should rest while you can, it is really important for mental health.

                SpilledInk he’s an amazing kid🥰 4 going on 10😂 I mainly write while he does his ABC mouse, eats, sleeps, etc.. I refuse to sacrifice my playtime with him, unless he tells me that he wants to play by himself(it’s rare, and only when it’s his video game time😂). My mom helps out A Lot too. I have the Best Mom Ever❤️

                    RAQN
                    Then no, it isn't worth your time since your goal differs from the 10 ratings' purpose. Do ask for people to look at your work here, it should be helpful to accomplish your current goal.

                      Sure:

                      • Immersion
                      • Fantasy
                      • A lover of stories, Mono has always preferred reading or writing about characters and their conflicts over dealing with his own. One night, he wakes up to an insane, yet familiar scene from a story he has read: a grey room, a goddess, and a journey to a fantasy-like world. Forced to leave Earth and survive in the other world for a year, Mono explores magic rooted in human perception while he confronts issues both external and internal.
                      • https://www.webnovel.com/book/immersion_19846974305444305

                      Would like to preface that the first chapter (prologue) is intentionally cliche. Since it was also my first attempt at fictional writing ever, it's also bad that way too. Chapters are called chapters to help me plot out minor arcs/themes involving side characters rather than being chapters for the readers.

                      I'm looking for overall impressions and suggestions on current pacing, presentation of information, and depictions of characters.

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