ArcaneDragon It takes me a lot of time to proofread and revise my chapters and I repeat them because I always miss errors here and there. I also don't have an editor but some people I know irl that are willing to read my work help me correct things here and there. Even communicating w/ readers can help.

      AkaGin My readers are little shy I think. They don't comment and just read. As I see in statistics more than 60% is other. So they are random non-native speakers. I really want them to communicate with me in some way. Maybe with time they will break the ice and start commenting. 100 collections and none is commenting is painful. As for real life, none knows that I write the story and people around me are not best at English either.
      I edited yesterday my 1 chapter. Quality didn't improve that much but I added more descriptions to the scenes. I try to minimize the amount of "time skip" like "an hour later", "after the moment" and it's pretty hard. hahaha

          ASlyDrake
          People often die in novels by being ran over by a truck, I think he was talking about that Gag?

          I read your comment, and not your novel {Irony is not lost on me}
          But it honestly drew me away from your novel, as a reader I want to read a cool story.
          Not about a cool world. There is many people who enjoy world building, but you must remember.

          The world is just the place the story takes place.

              ArcaneDragon

              Perhaps you should use an action to advance the time.

              For example I made a sword in my novel and it took 1 week.

              my MC went from a house to an Inn telling the reader its night time.

              I looked at your novel for kicks sense you said have so many collectors, you do not talk with the commentators that you have, it would not make sense for people to post. Give people a like or something.

                ArcaneDragon I'd have to say, it also feel like I'm using excessive timeskips although it haven't appeared in my story (but will, a spoiler lol). But I don't think I can do much anything about it since my drafts are way ahead of what I have published and I honestly don't have any idea how to fix it and I don't think it will be necessary to minimize it in my case. All in all my writing style is still mediocre.

                    AkaGin There are many Chinese novels where writing is mediocre but the story is popular anyway. I cannot stand cliche plots but I made one myself in point of my story and I feel ashamed of myself. You know in wuxia novels it's the concept of extra lucky mc. You can call it, protagonist aura or plot armor. I did it in the first version of this story. I literally couldn't stand my own story and decided to rewrite it.

                        ArcaneDragon I'd admit that mine started as a cliche but I find ways to turn that cliche something that's not usually seen (at least with the range of my knowledge) and I started writing because I was so inspired by good anime and manga. Also, it seems that I don't see much of that approach that's why I decide d with that theme.

                          ASlyDrake

                          Thanks so much for the detailed suggestions! Definitely will be going through my chapters and editing haha

                            ASlyDrake

                            Since you took it so bad I removed the review.
                            But I took the liberty to make a more in-depth editing of the first three paragraphs of your work.
                            It's up to you how to take my advice to polish your writing skill.

                            Chapter 1: The Almighty Anura
                            Rain poured down incessantly over a dark and ominous valley that was nestled between two towering mountains. Through the drizzle, one could faintly make out a colorless wetland, [Starting with weather and ambient description is boring, start your story with a Bang! Or if you prefer “in medias res”] which most of the Origo players called the Bog of Despair. Whether this vast expanse of death and decay had ever had another name was unknown, as it had never been claimed by a kingdom, nor anyone else. [Infodump right here, and not even too clear. I know that Origo is an online game thanks to the synopsis but you don’t specify it here. It’s just confusing. This “Bog of Despair” is useful to the story? It’s a recurrent location? Or we are just introduced to this place once? Maybe you should just cut it out. In any case this is not the right way to describe it]

                            Under the splatter of the raindrops, a ragtag group of warriors and mages were trotting at a medium pace,[Trotting by definition is between walking and running, no need to specify “at a medium pace”. Medium in relation to what? Also, trotting is used mostly for horses, are they on horses?] unperturbed by the onslaught of water[Repetition of “Under the splatter of the raindrops. Cut it] that had soaked them to their bones. Their expressions were filled with exhaustion, [Show me they are exhausted and soaked, don’t tell me. How? Make them stumble and fall into the mud. Make them shake their mantles to remove the water. Make them gasp for air. Make me hear the heartbeat in their ears. If they are running on foot...or are they on horses? See the problem above.] as if they had been running like this for days. [Redundant simile, just show they are exhausted]

                            At a glance, the group consisted of nine people. Two female elf twins were at the forefront, acting as the group's vanguard. [Who’s speaking here? Casper the Friendly Ghost holding a camera and recording the scene for us? Third Person omniscient narrator died in the XIX century, surviving only in comedy and with the lazy authors] They were dressed in black leather clothes that clung to their bodies, each armed with a set of short blades. [Describe only what is useful to the story, do we need to know how they are dressed and armed? Do we need to know it now? If we are not going to need this information in the next paragraph (or worse, never), better cut it out.] Their eyes darted to and fro, as they scouted the area ahead for any danger.

                                Apophis9 I checked some chapters. The story seems promising. Magic and so on. You have some problems with grammar like me hahaha. Maybe your story is to fast paced sometimes. At least first 4 chapters make me think like this. I will try to read the more chapters and update review but my free time is running out and I need to write some chapters of my own story.

                                  ValentinaKhan Let's call it quits for now and settle for not interacting with one another. Some of what you pointed out is indeed useful, other parts are what I'd define as your personal opinion. My chapters do need some editing, having gone through none so far, but I don't feel like this discussion is going to be constructive in any way. Have a pleasant day.

                                      ValentinaKhan

                                      Bro, reading through your amendments. I am of the opinion that many aspiring writers can definitely gain a helpful perspective from trying to decipher your analysis. I believe many writers value such things.

                                      That said, I have an overriding fear of recommending my own novel for your tender review. I have nothing against the substance of your review, the packaging gives me the ecstatic highs though.

                                      Just something to consider. *Wears thick armor, helmet, greaves and round shield.

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