ArcaneDragon I'd have to say, it also feel like I'm using excessive timeskips although it haven't appeared in my story (but will, a spoiler lol). But I don't think I can do much anything about it since my drafts are way ahead of what I have published and I honestly don't have any idea how to fix it and I don't think it will be necessary to minimize it in my case. All in all my writing style is still mediocre.

      AkaGin There are many Chinese novels where writing is mediocre but the story is popular anyway. I cannot stand cliche plots but I made one myself in point of my story and I feel ashamed of myself. You know in wuxia novels it's the concept of extra lucky mc. You can call it, protagonist aura or plot armor. I did it in the first version of this story. I literally couldn't stand my own story and decided to rewrite it.

          ArcaneDragon I'd admit that mine started as a cliche but I find ways to turn that cliche something that's not usually seen (at least with the range of my knowledge) and I started writing because I was so inspired by good anime and manga. Also, it seems that I don't see much of that approach that's why I decide d with that theme.

            ASlyDrake

            Thanks so much for the detailed suggestions! Definitely will be going through my chapters and editing haha

              ASlyDrake

              Since you took it so bad I removed the review.
              But I took the liberty to make a more in-depth editing of the first three paragraphs of your work.
              It's up to you how to take my advice to polish your writing skill.

              Chapter 1: The Almighty Anura
              Rain poured down incessantly over a dark and ominous valley that was nestled between two towering mountains. Through the drizzle, one could faintly make out a colorless wetland, [Starting with weather and ambient description is boring, start your story with a Bang! Or if you prefer “in medias res”] which most of the Origo players called the Bog of Despair. Whether this vast expanse of death and decay had ever had another name was unknown, as it had never been claimed by a kingdom, nor anyone else. [Infodump right here, and not even too clear. I know that Origo is an online game thanks to the synopsis but you don’t specify it here. It’s just confusing. This “Bog of Despair” is useful to the story? It’s a recurrent location? Or we are just introduced to this place once? Maybe you should just cut it out. In any case this is not the right way to describe it]

              Under the splatter of the raindrops, a ragtag group of warriors and mages were trotting at a medium pace,[Trotting by definition is between walking and running, no need to specify “at a medium pace”. Medium in relation to what? Also, trotting is used mostly for horses, are they on horses?] unperturbed by the onslaught of water[Repetition of “Under the splatter of the raindrops. Cut it] that had soaked them to their bones. Their expressions were filled with exhaustion, [Show me they are exhausted and soaked, don’t tell me. How? Make them stumble and fall into the mud. Make them shake their mantles to remove the water. Make them gasp for air. Make me hear the heartbeat in their ears. If they are running on foot...or are they on horses? See the problem above.] as if they had been running like this for days. [Redundant simile, just show they are exhausted]

              At a glance, the group consisted of nine people. Two female elf twins were at the forefront, acting as the group's vanguard. [Who’s speaking here? Casper the Friendly Ghost holding a camera and recording the scene for us? Third Person omniscient narrator died in the XIX century, surviving only in comedy and with the lazy authors] They were dressed in black leather clothes that clung to their bodies, each armed with a set of short blades. [Describe only what is useful to the story, do we need to know how they are dressed and armed? Do we need to know it now? If we are not going to need this information in the next paragraph (or worse, never), better cut it out.] Their eyes darted to and fro, as they scouted the area ahead for any danger.

                  Apophis9 I checked some chapters. The story seems promising. Magic and so on. You have some problems with grammar like me hahaha. Maybe your story is to fast paced sometimes. At least first 4 chapters make me think like this. I will try to read the more chapters and update review but my free time is running out and I need to write some chapters of my own story.

                    ValentinaKhan Let's call it quits for now and settle for not interacting with one another. Some of what you pointed out is indeed useful, other parts are what I'd define as your personal opinion. My chapters do need some editing, having gone through none so far, but I don't feel like this discussion is going to be constructive in any way. Have a pleasant day.

                        ValentinaKhan

                        Bro, reading through your amendments. I am of the opinion that many aspiring writers can definitely gain a helpful perspective from trying to decipher your analysis. I believe many writers value such things.

                        That said, I have an overriding fear of recommending my own novel for your tender review. I have nothing against the substance of your review, the packaging gives me the ecstatic highs though.

                        Just something to consider. *Wears thick armor, helmet, greaves and round shield.

                            Jamison_C

                            Here you go:

                            The Prologue was simply unbearable, why on earth you thought it was a good idea to write a wall of text of direct dialogue with no dialogue tags and no description?

                            So I moved to chapter 1. Let’s say the prologue never existed.

                            A man in radiant armor [radiant means “Sending out light; shining or glowing brightly.” Is an enchanted armor? If yes describe it as such, otherwise change adjective or cut it if the state of the armor in not important plot wise.] adorned with Suanni motifs [I looked for this Suanni in all the published chapters with Ctrl+F, never found again. Really? What the hell is a suanni motif? Describe if relevant or cut it.] rode through the spatial gate. [Again, describe things! This gates are relevant to the story right? They are used as primary mean of travel I suppose, right? Then give them a bit of love and give us a concrete image of them.] As he surveyed his surroundings, his pupils flared with the light of the sun. Celestial energy swirled around the man as a majestic aura emanated from him. [I won’t imagine celestial energy and majestic aura, it’s your job to make me see them both. If I need to imagine everything myself I could just stare at a blank page. The only thing I imagine now is him going around glowing like a Christmas tree. Are we sure it’s a good thing to make him glow like that? His pupils...light of the sun is horrible.]

                            An ornate indigo scabbard hung at the man's side with the insignia of three leaves carved upon it. [One noun, one adjective. No more. So cut ornate, and then cut indigo as well. Why? because you describe the scabbard in the next part of the same sentence.] Detracting from this image was a very normal looking sword handle. Unadorned and plain but giving off an aura of being well-cared for. [Normal looking is lazy writing, and again we have an “aura”...You want to express that despite having a rich scabbard the sword inside is ,at first sight, cheaper but still loved by his owner? Then you should write something like “From the scabbard sticked out a hilt with an iron guard and pommel, and a worn out wooden grip that the man stroked while walking.” It’s not the best but take note that I used the specific terms to refer to a “sword handle”.]

                            As the troops finished transitioning [transitioning because they are using a spatial gate, right? Too bad you never described this spatial gate or how it works.], many of them bowed in the man's direction before heading to their positions. [Not even in absolutist France soldiers bowed to kings and princes while on duty, they did a salute. It’s like “sword handle” instead of hilt, you need to research things out before writing.]

                                When I improve my writing to the godly level I will ask Demon lord to write me a review. I don't think mentally ready for this. It's like getting a test result in high school and the entire sheet is red. You used 500 times this word during the last 20 chapters hahaha. That would happen to me. I think XD My vocabulary is too limited for such an assessment.

                                  I will love it if you (have the time and the motivation) to review my novel. As it is a new one I want to try to upgrade it, I mean if there is some really big "mistake" I can correct it while it's still the beginning you know ?

                                  anyway :
                                  https://www.webnovel.com/book/12329032005277505/Raising-Child-System

                                  will be very thankful if someone else can review it :)

                                  I read some of you review and I would really like it if you can review mine too svp ValentinaKhan

                                  ps : to be honest I am finding my own novel too typical and boring, so much that I am asking myself : is it worth it to continue writing it or is it better to give it up...anyway

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