@Dark_Scholars
Alright little disciple, Roturier-sensei got to you. Be sure to read that attentively, cause it might just help you. I sure hope it won't break you. I tried to add my comedic style to it but... hum well you know.

Y.R. Honest review #3

Title: The To Do List
Author: Dark_Scholars
Chapters read: Until chapter 3

Story:
The plot as it was presented in your synopsis is interesting to me. How-the-very-ever, it doesn’t even make its entrance in the first three chapters. Which is very frustrating. I was looking for it but only found a lot of info on some old forest, a war, some kind of op guy, two boys that look like will hookup each others in the near future, etc.

Basically, your first three chapters are what we called “info dump.” It’s basically bombarding your readers with informations at every turn. Example:

Paragraph 1: Hey, there was that war with that guy there!

Paragraph 2: Hey, there was that tree and another tree next to it. BUT they aren’t the species!

Paragraph 3: Hey, there are a lot of storage rings here! In that one there are swords from a long lost empire, in that one… blablabla

Paragraph 4: Hey, there will be… blablabla.

I think you got it by now. Anyway, info dumps were a popular concept when fantasy started, but then dropped to favor more… hum “diving into the story openings,” but it is now knowing an unprecedent golden age with online novels. Which I don’t understand why. Info dumps are really hard to digest. Although, that’s my personnel opinion, I can understand that there are readers out there that like those kind of intro to a book.

However, to my mind, as a reader, I want to dive into the story, not to know what event took place a long time ago, not what that particular tree is, not what that guy has in his pants, and all that in one chapter! It is hard to read, and doesn’t make “me” wanna read more. So, I’d suggest you rewrite your first three chapters. Particularly your Prologue and Chapter one.

Make them more immersive. Describe what your character sees but not the HISTORY of what he sees. Use his five senses, what does he touch, smell, taste, hear and sees. How does he react to those? What does he think of his surroundings? How does he feel about it?

For example, instead of talking about the war maybe you could just explain or even better, show that he is sad or downright tired of playing hero. And that that particular war exhausted him, cause I sure didn’t feel that, but it was right in your synopsis tho. I’d recommand you use it early on in the story, if you did use it, I’m sorry, my mind wondered because of the info dump and I didn’t see it.

By the way, Webnovel automatically write for you “Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3, etc.” SO it brings me to my other advise. But take a look at this first.

Chapter 2: Chapter One

Chapter 2: Razel’s Awakening

Which is more appealing to you? Right, I won’t even bother telling you. So, becareful with those. Maybe I’m being nitpicky but that actually caught my attention rather quickly. I’m that kind of bastard ekekeke.

World building:
Apart from that, it is clear that this world is vast. An ancient war, artefacts from ancient times, reincarnation, a certain library, etc. How-the-very-ever, the way it is put together is a tad-very-bit messy. It might be clear in your head, because you got the story there, but I’d invite you to reread it and see the flow. Not the flaw like issue but flow like flowing water. To begin with, if you can rearrange your three first chapters and make it so they aren’t info-dumps, it’ll be much clearer to my opinion.

Character design:
Hum, Razel is physically well depicted and has an appearance that screams “mystery” to it. You did spend some time on characterization. How-the-very-ever (I’m starting to like that made up word), you don’t dive deep enough into his psyche. Which brings me back to my previous advise, use the five senses to SHOW what’s going on. And also, do tell what he thinks. And did I already tell you I’d advise to avoid info dumps? Yes? Ah well, then I’ll you again. Avoid info dumps.

Writing quality:
Alright so, it’s far from being the worst I’ve seen, so don’t worry I won’t charge at you like the incredible Hulk. In fact, I perceive a really good descriptive MIND. What I mean by that is you have the potential to describe things beautifully, with elegance, unlike my rough-stone-like writing style. You just lack the knowledge to do it. But fear not, because guess what? It gets better with time and perseverance. If you want to speed up the process you can take online courses. There are a lot of free courses out there. I’d suggest you look up the following issues online:

Punctuation: there is a clear lack of punctuation usage. A pity, because those can a real-life saver sometimes.

Tenses: Present tense and Past tense, see their usage and differences. However, I do recommend to stick to past tense at all times when you're writing. There are exceptions of course like during dialogs. But stick to it at all times. But first learn how to use past tense because I've seen a hell of lot of tenses issue.

How to avoid repetition (I actually don’t know if there are courses for that one.

You can also find some really interesting free excercices on… damn what was that site name again hold on… Ah yeah, Khan Academy. Look it up. It sure helped me. Tho I got sick of that training after a month I sure got out of it with a better grasp on our dear English language.

Anyway, that’s all I could think of. Pray tell if you have something to add or ask.

Read you later Darkie.
PS: You could have told me it was a BL.

silent_walker I'm starting your review. Then comes @Dark_Scholars because I've promised him a review before even starting this thread. Then I go for @Epyonnn review for the same reason. After that comes @SpilledInk 's review because she persuaded me with her "cute eyes" don't worry I'll be as gentle as a cat when reviewing Enoka, (Translation: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). cute cat eyes cute cat eyes cute cat eyes cute cat eyes cute cat eyes

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