Mamelunka I'm happy to read!
First of all, wow! I would never have guessed you were a non-native speaker! Your bilingual skills are impressive. :)
Pros:
-super cool world details (i'm particularly intrigued by the burn stigmas, this empire as a whole, and the crazy section at the end!!!)
-Kalena is well-characterized and interesting, and she has a ton of room for growth. She has actually realistic responses to negative experiences, which is a nice change, and I'm excited to see her get stronger.
-you aren't afraid of talking about tough subjects, and you handle them well
This section is especially GREAT:
When the boy saw them, he nodded politely and then began to speak to her lord in a language she had never heard before. After a moment, he took a step back, clearly surprised by something and pointed at her, and immediately shook his head saying something quickly. Kalena felt something delicious smell outside. She wanted to see what, but she was afraid to turn around. She preferred not to draw attention.
She glanced briefly at this boy and after a while reluctantly stated that he must be very strong. She wondered if he could cut the skin on her back with a single blow of the rod." -- I like all this because it really gives us a sense of Kalena and what kind of life she's led. She notices everything, but her reactions are special because she's had a rough upbringing. She wants to remain invisible. She sees people and wonders how easily they could hurt her. She doesn't understand other languages. Etc. It also gives us some idea that something is going wrong, but she doesn't care about that like we do; instead, she's worried about the delicious food outside. That's very interesting!
Critiques:
-try to use more contractions in the dialogue like I'm, don't, can't, etc. It makes it flow a little better in English
-Make sure your quotation marks always come at the beginning and end of sentences (they're in the middle of a few of them)
-try to insert a little more setting and character description around your dialogue. The dialogue is great and keeps the story moving well, but I want to be able to see the setting and characters more clearly as they talk. I really liked "From his smile, she immediately knew that he didn't think so." -- include more details like that! I also want to know what Kalena looks like, and what her cruel owner and her old friend look like.
-a few areas with grammar issues or incorrect words that mess up the flow a little, but honestly not too many. Here are a few examples:
"Probably to Kagolania. Recently, he started a few interests there, that he wants to finish." -- this sentence is a little awkward/confusing. I'm not sure "interests" is the correct word for what you're really trying to say. It's too vague and doesn't instill any fear/concern in the reader
"Kalena felt sucking in her stomach but ignored it." I think you mean: "Kalena's stomach still roiled with tension, but she forced herself to ignore it."
"You're not going anywhere! This kid must finally stop sending his people after me to all fairs! Cursed, as the whole family, he came out of!" -- Possible meaning: "You're never coming back! You're solving my problems with this fool kid, so he'll finally stop sending his people after me to ruin my affairs. He's a cursed as the family he comes from!"
There's this literary idea called "Showing, not Telling" and it's where you show the reader an emotion through action, not by telling us the emotion outright. For example, "She seemed completely devastated." First off, devastated is a GREAT adjective, so don't bog it down with the adverb "completely"; it doesn't need it, and the word stands stronger on its own. The verb "seemed" isn't nearly strong enough for "devastated" though. Instead, give her a descriptive ACTION that shows devastation. For example, "Trembling, Kalena shook her head, and her once-rosy cheeks paled." OR "Kalena's face crumpled in devastation, and tears spilled down her pale cheeks."
With those, we understand Kalena's devastated, but we feel it more deeply because we connect to her physical reactions as well as her emotional ones. Plus, it gives you way to describe Kalena to us in more detail.
Finally, I would move that entire last section with the kid murdering himself to the next chapter. End it with Kalena going to sleep and start with that other section next; it didn't seem to fit at all and was confusing and took me out of the story. Also, maybe play up Kalena's concern and fear and resignation when she thinks Galaspiael is trying to sleep with her. And then you can add to her anxiety and fear as she waits, and waits, and waits to make sure he's not coming back. That will make the ending more dramatic.
Interesting story, overall! Raises a ton of questions in the first chap that should keep readers engaged and interested. Kalena is a decently-developed MC, though she could have a little more characterization and description. Good luck! You're doing great!
