I can't agree more with the author of this post.
Sex is not pornography, and vice versa.

There are also a number of ways to NOT describe sex if you don't feel comfortable with it. That's what I used to do beforehand, like a brush painting a few lines, and keeping the rest in the dark. The reader's imagination can sometimes fill in those blanks rather easily.

It can be a simple: 'This night, Tristan and Isolde danced to the melody of their intertwined bodies, reaching that blissful oblivion that only lovers knew'
If you described the kisses beforehand, and the connection of touching skin, the depth of their feelings, that can be enough.

More detailed, but still without any technicalities:
"Her delicate hands traced the scars of his back as she clung to him, her plush, creamy thighs welcomed him as he settled in their embrace. And he found solace in her depth as he made love to her, relishing in the caresses of a woman for the first time in years until he abandoned all sense. Tristan nearly wept as he buried himself deep inside her welcoming body, relief, pleasure, heartache and love mingling in his chest."

Now that I feel more comfortable about it, I'd put a little more details. But some words will automatically shift your scene to something much more vulgar. There are so many words to describe a man's appendage, for example. 'Cock' is a no no !
If you want it sweet, you don't even have to describe it. You can call it solid desire for all you care, you're the author. Any image is welcome.

I adore love scenes. I hate smut scenes. If there's no emotionnal connection, I feel like I'm surfing on a pornographic website. What's the point ?

Anyway. Since I write mainly romance, I've got more or less detailed scenes, depending on the context, the mood, the depth of the story. But no vulgarity. This is love !
And if we want our youngsters to learn how to treat a partner properly, they should definitely read more love scenes :)

    I’ve also read romance novels since I was 12 or so, starting with the Harlequin bodice ripper type romances. At the time these were pretty mild, I’d say PG-13 or so although I understand Harlequin has a new imprint these days that is essentially X-rated/erotica.

    Theres essentially 4 different ways you can approach this issue:

    1. Do not have romance in your novel. This is the choice I made in the two stories I am writing right now.
    2. Fade to black prior to any serious sex scenes.
    3. Try to write the sex scenes but remain classy about it (this is the hardest to accomplish, I think.)
    4. Lean into the sex scenes but at that point you’re just writing erotica — fine, I guess, but don’t kid yourself.

    Writing sex scenes is hard for me, even though I am rather experienced in that area myself in reality. I’m not sure why, the closest I can think of is that if I didn’t hold back there would be whips and chains and stuff that is a bit over the top but me holding back seems stilted. Heh.

    Good post.

      d_elfe thank you very much😁 I especially loved your opinion on:

      d_elfe And if we want our youngsters to learn how to treat a partner properly, they should definitely read more love scenes :)

      Thank you for sharing☮️❤️😁

            @Sara_Wilcox hello Sara, I apologise for this sudden burst, but I would like to know your, and anyone else who would like to read's opinion, of course if you don't mind, on the sex scenes I included in this book. I'm thinking about stopping at the second one, and shift the pace to be more action oriented, and focused on the eventual plot, but I would like to know what you think.

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                Sara_Wilcox once we have children, we start thinking differently I guess.
                Mine are boys, I want them to be warned against this horrible rape culture that still thrives around the world, and learn how sex can be beautiful between people that respect each other.
                I guess you can relate :)

                    d_elfe yes I can❤️ I also have a son, but he’s still a toddler. The second he starts having romantic interests, I plan on having a nice, Long discussion about what it means to say ‘I love you’, being a good companion, being safe, what a toxic relationship is, etc.. I want to raise a good man, not a man-child😂🥰
                    Your boys are lucky to have you☮️❤️😁

                        d_elfe and your book Tristan and Isolde describe the love and sex scene really well!

                        Thank you to Sara_Wilcox who give a good helpful opinion on how to write sex scenes in a novel. I believe it's pretty hard for some people to write it nicely in respectful and elegants ways instead of being vulgar and porn.

                        I write my sex scene in a prose metaphoric ways - as I really don't know how to write it in a romantic way :D :D

                              Wulin_Jianghu that’s cool; it’s just your style/the way you write your character(s). 😁 No writer is the same, and the world is made all the more amazing because of it. This thread is just in case people wanted tips, resources, etc.. I wish you luck on your future endeavors☮️❤️😁

                                  Wulin_Jianghu Thank you, really, for your praise. It means a lot to me. And your poems were pretty romantic as well. I had never seen sex written this way, but I loved it!

                                  Sara_Wilcox Thanks ! We do the best we can, as mothers I guess :)

                                      Sara_Wilcox Actually I'm learning. These days I added your novel and started to read it to learn how. Not sure if I could learn it, but...let's see :D
                                      And good luck with your novel too!

                                          Thank you so much for this. I recently wrote my first love scene and it took everything out of me!😂
                                          I found I had to get descriptive to the point where I was like😳😳😳

                                          Sex scenes, fight scenes... It's not easy to be an Author.😥

                                            SpilledInk no problem and happy to help😁 I totally understand. I have quite a few intimate scenes(both kinds), and fight scenes in my first book, so I completely get how 😧😳 it can be before/during/after writing those kinds of scenes. Your worst critic is usually yourself. I wish you luck on your writing! Keep Typing☮️❤️😁

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                                                  5 days later

                                                  I don't know what is so bad about it. It is usually so poorly done I just skip it.

                                                  I have learned that according to the authors the female breasts are the best indicators of a woman's feelings.
                                                  Embarassed they thrust out
                                                  Excited they point
                                                  Shocked they quiver
                                                  Mad they get additional support
                                                  Happy they giggle
                                                  Sad they sag
                                                  Bored they are forgotten
                                                  Provoked they Undulate

                                                  So now you have a reason to stare at a girl's chest. You're just trying to understanding of their feelings.

                                                    I don't know what is so bad about it. It is usually so poorly done I just skip it.

                                                    I have learned that according to the authors the female breasts are the best indicators of a woman's feelings.
                                                    Embarassed they thrust out
                                                    Excited they point
                                                    Shocked they quiver
                                                    Mad they get additional support
                                                    Happy they giggle
                                                    Sad they sag
                                                    Bored they are forgotten
                                                    Provoked they Undulate

                                                    So now you have a reason to stare at a girl's chest. You're just trying to understanding of their feelings.

                                                      TianLei
                                                      For some reason these are what mangas taught you, but being owner of a pair of these, I swear they communicate as much as male ones.

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