@MimiTea Alright. I've read all the chapters so far. It's a good start, and I see literally nothing wrong, except for one nitpick: try not to repeat nouns and adjectives within the same two paragraphs. As a rudimentary example, someone might say, "Open this door!" Then, the first line in the next paragraph may say, "The child opened the door." It doesn't affect the reading too much, but placing two instances word "door" in close proximity leads to some choppiness. Sometimes, the sentence can fall apart if you start substituting words, so just keep in mind sentence variety (which you already do well, for the most part).

Since it's only the beginning of the story, I really have nothing else to say other than to keep up the good work. Let me know when you have more chapters, and I'll give them a critique as well.

    I am back... here... with some suggestions... again.
    I can see that some people really spend their time trying to help... @Epyonnn great work!
    @Yoan_Roturier too.

    sooo... at least we could give him/her a few power stones ;)
    I am not going to corrupt anyone, but I think that's a nice way for telling 'thank you for your precious time'

    Prikkrang

    Hi! I don't have the means nor the time to engage in a partnership with an editor at the moment, but I'll remember your offer— if need be—when I do have them. Plus, I don't really know you for now.

    Thank you for taking an interest in my work (assuming you read it).

        MimiTea I’d appreciate any support, thanks! I’ve been on summer break from classes, so I have a lot of time to do stuff. I just thought it would be fun to read people’s stories and help them out with critiques.

            Epyonnn Alright! I added your NPC novel to my library and I'll start reading it. Expect a review either today or tomorrow :)

              Jo_J haha... I'm a little confused at what you're saying, but I already promised anyone who critiques my novel to give an equally honest, detailed review in return or 3 days' worth of powerstones if they have enough reviews. :)

                  Epyonnn Hello, I liked the way you gave a review. I need your help with my first ever novel, cuz I am not getting any reviews and I don't know whether I should continue that novel or make some changes in the plot.

                  Name: Mysterious Destiny of Us
                  Genre: Fantasy Romance, time travel
                  Synopsis:
                  She said,
                  "Fate is nothing but a question which the Deity throws, the answer to it is the choices we make..."
                  He asked,
                  "Then what about Destiny??"
                  .....
                  Simple minded, focused, a bit nerdy Su Yeon's life changes slowly but mysteriously when she join hands with a Doctor who is also a part of underworld and her life gets tangled with someone whom she never expected. Will she choose this life over her simple and stable life or may be she is destined to it??
                  .
                  .
                  Excerpt 1:
                  "I don't know anything else! From now on you are my Girlfriend and that is final! We will keep it secret, I will not disturb you and wait for you so you can pursue your career. But you will always be mine!"
                  Excerpt 2:
                  He was standing in the corner, looking at a girl who was enjoying with her colleagues, for whom he was waiting for more than 4 years. he whispered, "I think its enough of waiting now, it's time for us to be together. Little Bunny, will you accept me this time?"
                  Book Link: https://m.webnovel.com/book/mysterious-destiny-of-us_20101912606657405
                  Any criticism is accepted as I don't know what readers thought about my novel.

                      MimiTea

                      I am trying to be fair with people who spend their times reading our not perfect texts ;)

                      @Epyonnn you really doing a great job, man.

                          Jo_J I see... but I don’t understand since I’m already doing it? I never said I wasn’t going to do it 🤔 and promised from the beginning. I’m not a scammer or cheater, if that’s what you’re getting at... 😰

                              Epyonnn Hey! I just finished the first 10 chapters of your book, and I will say I will be keeping in my library ❤️

                              Now, for my review, I would like to give you two choices because I wrote a lot of detailed notes that are not sugarcoated at all. The first option is to get the non-sugarcoated version with my direct, honest thoughts. The second option is a less direct but still honest approach, but it might take me a little longer to write up. What do you think?

                                modestbaddie Hey your novel seems interesting and it's totally my type! Historical timetravel romance! I have added it to my library and I am currently reading it so I will post the review soon! I hope you will do the same with my book since my genre is also fantasy romance!!!

                                    I wish to thank @Yoan_Roturier for this great idea.
                                    I always post lots of pointers in the text when I read. Inconcistencies, moods, suggestions ans such. In review swap, I always feel disappointed that people don't take time to do the same.

                                    So here I am: I am not harsh, but honest in my reviews. Being a published author (in France), I've gone through the editing process with much suffering and consternation. But I had to admit that it helped. In the end, my novel is better now than it was before the editor clove though it with a two handed axe :D

                                    So I'm willing to share what I learn. And please, I'd be super happy if someone was willing to do the same on my easy going romances. I've got plenty, take a pick, and don't be shy.
                                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/in-another-life_18770877206104505 -> modern romance, sweet and short.
                                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/stage-fright_19074257706310705 -> modern again, featuring a 'famous' actor, a divorce, a little angst
                                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/god's-gift_18770877105939205 -> modern setting, more angst
                                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305 -> historical, my own take about Tristan and Isolde.

                                    I'm waiting for someone who needs a honest review to pop by. Cheers to all !

                                      Web Novel Novel Ask