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@Shreya2711 I'll be frank with you: I only managed to read one chapter because I could barely understand what you wrote.

I realize that some authors aren't native English speakers, so I won't bash you too hard. Here are some of the stuff that needs fixing:

• The sentences are dry. In fact, the first three sentences are all about the same length. Try to vary them, and use more transition phrases to make everything flow more smoothly. Also, your descriptions are quite lacking. Here's a sentence you wrote: "...a sound as if someone was carefully taking steps." If you wanted an air of suspense, another way to write it would be: "...a sound as if a creature were prowling in the night." It might not fit too much with the context, but I hope you get my point. As Mark Twain once said, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug."

• Grammar errors. There many places where you missed particles and other things that made the paragraphs confusing. Use Grammarly as a grammar-checking software, and use other websites to study grammar in general.

• The paragraphs are humongous. Even I tend to make large paragraphs, but yours are just straight-up huge. Split them up for important plot beats, and make sure to put dialogue on a new paragraph as well. If you aren't sure how to format and punctuate dialogue, there are plenty of websites for reference.

• Read more books. A big issue among new writers is that they don't read too many books, and that makes it difficult for them to replicate the proper format. I'm not accusing you of not reading, but it's just a suggestion in case you're not an avid reader.

That's about it. Sorry that I couldn't critique your plot because I just couldn't keep reading after the first chapter. Writing prose is something that can only improve through constant practice and effort, so as long as you keep on writing, you'll get better eventually.

Epyonnn Thank you so much for the most honest review, I liked that! Now I understand where I went wrong. I will definitely update the first chapter.
One more thing to ask, umm.. actually I wanted to create many situations and show how they are connected to each other. My real story starts after few chapters when the main characters of the story starts showing up. So, other that correcting grammar mistakes and rephrasing sentences, what else I should do to make readers read further chapters?
I have read many books where main characters showed up after many chapters and I liked that idea so I used it with a little twist. Can you please please please tell me if my plot is getting boring or not? Hands up I have improved my writing skills in the further chapters! Would it be possible for you? Please!!!!

Xia_Xia89 Please do thank you

Title: Cumulus System
Genre: Fantasy - male MC
#action #system #adventure #romance #r18

links: http://wbnv.in/a/a6fybbi

Nanites, a nano robots created with a hitech engineering, this was the age of wars. When a majority of the world seek refuge from the engineers, when country sold their prides for science and science is Gods. The forbidden fruits of knowledge has been unleashed, where we studied human and their abilities and boosted it to the very efficiency it has to offers. The time is 200 years ago, the name of the era is "Nanowars".

"You will grow with the main character, a steampunk industrialist era, with modern technology cowboy meet alien style, it also includes full event story, cheat skills, pets, flying pets, unique pets, girls and boys in tight body suits, romance, drama and politics"
- author

Shreya2711 If I may. I don't have time for a honest review now on your work, but there's something I might help you with.
There is such a large material to read, now, compared to what we used to have before... except if you spent time in a library, of course.

To me, what makes the difference is usually the first sentence. I read it, up to the first paragraph, and I know if I'm going to enjoy a story. Why ?
It all comes down to the writing. A fantastic plot, badly written, can be as flat as a plain. The right words, with emotion, immersion and so on, and you got me hooked. Even if nothing is happening.
Think of contemplatives novels, for example, where action is set in the background but you feel like you are living those moments with the heroes.

So it all comes down to the first words.
Sometimes I'm wrong, and I miss out something that might improve later.
Sometimes I get disappointed, because the writing is great, but the plot is horrible.

Most of the time though, I enjoy my picks.

Here goes nothing. My first ever Webnovel
Title: Abused Yet Indestructible Princess
Genre: Fantasy (female lead)
Synopsis: All her life Summer wished for her wolf so that she could exact revenge and escape her monster mom.
However , upon meeting Sunny everything changes. Unbeknownst to her, Meeting her wolf brings upon her a tremendous responsibility that requires great amounts of forgiveness, empathy and compassion. " So you're saying that by embracing it, I've gotta forgive them and still remember everything?"
"Si mi niña. That takes tremendous courage. It's a choice to live in the present even if the past hurts. it's a decision to progress and not remain a puppet of your past "

Mayemura https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/19843668706580305?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4313436314

Mayemura
Hi, so I got real quickly into your first chap and you got the same issue as our comrade one post above this one.
Your paragraphs are too dense. Break them up and you'll see an immediate improvement in your book structure. As for dialogs, try to distinguish them from actual descriptions by jumping lines.
Eg:

"blablablablabla" he said, while blablablabla.

Blablabalbla interesting descriptions, blablablabla.

"blablabalabla." he replied, blablabla.

Can I have it as well? Recently, I rewrote mine because some readers were confused/had no idea what was going on... and that was a bad sign. I thought it was better to redo it while it was still early. I just wanted to know if I removed that or at least, minimized it.

But I can't do some detailed reviews... , so maybe... 7-day PS as a payment? Maybe, even two weeks.

Title: The Reincarnated Vampire Wants to Say "Hi"

Genre: Fantasy, Isekai

Synopsis: His friend kills him, then he reincarnates to another world, or the familiar phrase, "I got isekai'd". After the crisis, he finds out he's now a vampire bishoujo, a cute girl, but he doesn't have that hole... hmm, that "hole".

However, there are reasons for that. The secrets behind his existence can—

"So, you want to know why we're sexless beings? Instead, question me, all of us, including you; what are the origins of our existence? Who are we?"

The cover photo is not mine. Credits to the artist.
Source: Pinterest - Warfarin, Arknights.

Yoan_Roturier Thanks. I guess she's busy because she didn't return yet to this post, but I'm glad I'm not forgotten, especially since I really take time for reviews.

Cheers !
PS: I'm a she :D

d_elfe, Of course, you can suggest me, the more the merrier! After some reviews from you seniors, I realised that it was my first chapter which was creating a bad impression of my hard work. Since I am enjoying writing my work and got to know where things have gone wrong, now I can write more confidently! Thank you so much!!!

I don't know why but whenever you guys give me honest reviews, my excitement increases after each review!!! Ok now I have to do this, I have to do that, Woah!! This was a bit unexpected but still I am enjoying!

Epyonnn thanks, I'll work on it

Dedz_ I'll give it a read. I see Arknights, and my neurons activate.