Yeah, I did see your name around now that you say it.
True that the cover picture is different.
Alright mate, just give me some time.
Detailed Review Request Thread!!
@waurpel This is a great novel, and I don't think it's dry or uninteresting at all. With that being said, here are some things I noticed:
Title, Cover, and Synopsis
Formally speaking, you should capitalize all important words in your title (everything except for conjunctions and particles). It's possible that you chose to stylize your title, so correct me if I'm wrong. You can keep the format lowercase if you prefer.
The cover art good, albeit simplistic. But's that's not bad or anything. As for the title, I think it would pop out more if you centered the words and placed them near the top or bottom two-thirds of the cover (think of the rule of thirds, also it's more of a guideline than a rigid rule). Also, the words probably need stronger shadowing to bring them out more. Finally, adding your name and the webnovel logo can make the cover look more professional, but that's up to you. In the end, you're the one who gets to decide how they make their own cover.
The synopsis is decent by itself, but you should give some more context. Try to show Silika's daily life, describe the accident, and note some of the repercussions. That will give readers a better understanding of what story they're getting into. The line where you say "her quiet life began" only makes sense to someone who realized that Silika became deaf. Honestly, I think that "quiet life" is a genius line that fits perfectly with the story, but if a potential reader makes that connection while looking at the synopsis, then it will increase your novel's appeal.
Prose and Grammar
The prose is great stuff, all things considered. I enjoyed the way that you described things and you gave a nice insight into the main characters' thoughts. Still, there are a decent amount of grammar errors, most notably missing commas after introductory clauses. There are also spots where you put an extra space between words. I recommend proofreading at least twice, and you should be able to catch most of the stuff I mentioned.
Story
The story is really, really interesting. I found myself wondering just exactly what was going on with Silika, and the reveal was well-done. I quite liked how you showed Goldie's side of the story. On top of that, you did an amazing job of developing the world's religious system without using massive encyclopedia exposition dumbs. Props to you for making such an intriguing world!
Unfortunately, your story fits into a weird/niche genre that webnovel doesn't really have an option for. You labeled it as historical romance, but I haven't seen much history or romance unless you plan on adding that later. I feel that the story may fit into more of just a female-leading fantasy. You also take your time to develop the main characters and their problems, which is great, but a lot of people either don't have the attention span or wouldn't be interested in your genre (not to say that your novel is bad). I suffer from the same dilemma since I take six chapters in my book to develop my main character before getting into the VR gaming portion which I originally advertised. The genre stuff can't be helped, so just keep writing how you normally would do.
Miscellaneous
I put a paragraph comment about this, but I'm pretty sure "Darkie" is a derogatory term. Personally, I don't feel too much of a problem since it follows along the lines of Silika's nicknaming, and she doesn't know better as a five-year-old. I don't think you should have to change it unless other people point out the term, but be careful that you're not offending anyone.
Final Thoughts
You seemed a little bit timid when you requested a critique, but have more pride in your work. Once you fix the grammar mistakes, I think your story can really be a masterpiece, and I'm not exaggerating.
Whenever I feel discouraged with my own work, I tell myself, "It can't be as bad as The Rise of Skywalker." (or insert any trash story that you personally despise in place of The Rise of Skywalker)
Anyway, here's a quick Tl;DR:
- Improve the Title, Cover, and Synopsis for first impressions
- Fix grammar mistakes
- For the love of Meiriem, don't crash and burn such a good story
That's about it. Keep up the good work!
Epyonnn
Thank you very much for your review! A lot of what you mentionned is very insightful.
I've already gone ahead and modified my cover to be a bit more on point!
I'm actually really struggling with the synopsis, it's my third one already and I'm still working on it. I don't want to give too much away and yet I still have to entice readers... It's a real pickle.
Yeah, my grammar and review process needs some improvement. I'm admitedly a very slow reader so reviewing myself is always something I struggle with, but must improve!
My genre IS niche and that's a hill I will happily die on. It's a story I want to tell and it adresses a lot of topic that I think are important. Webnovel sure isn't helpful by making anything with a female protagonist automatically a romance, but that's another topic all-together... I mostly put it as historical because of her standings as a noble (which the story will not stray too far from without spoiling anything), but there is a lot of fantastical element, so I will consider changing it.
Yeah you got me good with the Darkie thing. Interstingly, the issue of colour (and their related dieties) in my story is meant to be a commentary on real world xenophobia/racism. I DID go through about 3 other names when developing the plush, but anything I came up with that would be realistic in character always felt more derogatory or out-of-character. I think I'll stick with it for now unless I start getting harrased over it. Admitedly I'm ESL so it didn't really occur to me that Darkie could be put in the same league as other terms that I would trully consider racist.
Alright, first things first, I choose to ignore your request because you didn't use the method I described in the first post.
Second, it seems someone already picked your request. Did you accept it?
waurpel I'll help you out with the synopsis. Here's an idea:
In a world where rank, blood ties, and religion are intertwined, Silika Everest lived an idyllic life as the third child of the Marquess of Oblon, spending her carefree life playing with her siblings and friends to her hearts' content.
Until one fateful day, when she fell off a tree and injured herself. When she woke up from the injury, everything seemed...wrong and confusing. She couldn't hear a thing. Now, her family despises her, and she doesn't know why. Silika's entire world had been flipped on its head.
That day her quiet life began—an unforgiving life where all odds were stacked against her.
Basically, I added the part "spending her carefree life playing with her siblings and friends to her hearts' content." to give more context about Silika's daily life. I also described the accident without going into too much detail (hopefully). Other than that, I also fixed some grammar. I hope my idea can help you formulate your synopsis.
Hello,
Please check my story out and give an honest review. I'm open to anything and would appreciate comments on where I can improve.
Title : I HAVE A FIANCEE ?!
Genre : Royal romance, Realistic
Synopsis :
"You're early. Why the bad mood ? Getting married so soon your highness ?"
"Shut up, Jaden. This is no joke. It's the 21st century for god's sake and I'm still 22 which means I've got a million things to do and marriage is not one of them. Damn it! I don't know what Father is thinking" I was annoyed.
"Well, it was a surprise when he actually listened to you and let you come to college when what you actually should've done is participate in all those boring political discussions, give a comment here and there and serve the country. You are our beloved, handsome, genius one and only prince after all" Jaden cracked up laughing. Making fun of me seemed have become an annoying hobby of his, besides making sarcastic comments on almost everything. I sighed.
"Since you're saying so, why don't you shut up & let me think. That's an order" I snapped, making him laugh even more.
"Trust me Charlie, you're hilarious. What can you say, life's full of surprises.
Life certainly is full of surprises ...
Link : https://www.webnovel.com/book/i-have-a-fiancee-!_19977193006327505
Thank you !
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Hello,
Please check my story out and give an honest review. I'm open to anything and would appreciate comments on where I can improve.
Title: Find me in your memory
Genre: Contemporary, Fantasy romance
Synopsis:
Meet Elena Carlo
The sister of the cold-blooded king of the international underworld. Not only did she come from one of the most powerful criminal family she was also known as a genius and prodigy amongst her peers. She had everything with her luxury, money, beauty, and most importantly her brother who raised her making everyone envious. He was her everything just like she was his until one cold night where she was assassinated. Just when she thought everything has come to an end. She woke up as Xin Xiulin a 17-year-old orphan who has lost everything. Was a new beginning a curse or a blessing?
Meet Jun Zixuan
The president of a multibillionaire company.The king of the country's business world who only a very few can dare to offend. Having his heart broken already he believed he can never love again until he starts to notice changes in the silent orphan in his house. Her similarities to a certain someone made it easier for her to worm her way into his heart. While all she knew was familial love can he teach her something new? While she would like to go back to her brother can he stop her?
But what if her shadow of the past never left her? Would it come back to haunt her? Will she embrace that fire or burn in it?
But the life of Xin Xiulin wasn't as easy as it looked. While past acquaintances kept coming can she know who is a friend and who is a foe?
If you want to know the answer come join her and him in this wonderful journey of love, hatred, and longing.
Link:https://www.webnovel.com/book/find-me-in-your-memory_20311302605090405###
Thank you
Ohh that does sound good! I tried to give it a twist, how does this sound:
In a world where rank, blood-ties and religion are intertwined; Silika Everest lived an idyllic life as the third child of the Marquess of Oblon, spending her time causing trouble for the estate servants and playing with her siblings to her heart's content under the doting
Until a faithful day when a game of hide and seek turned into tragedy. When she woke up, her life had turned on its head, everything she had and the people she loved slipping away from her.
That day her quiet life began— an unforgiving life where all odds are stacked against her.
How's that?
Yoan_Roturier
Thanks a lot.
Epyonnn HA! GOOD SPOT. I was gonna write something else but forgot. I'll just remove it. and compress the second paragraph:
In a world where rank, blood-ties and religion are intertwined; Silika Everest lived an idyllic life as the third child of the Marquess of Oblon, spending her time causing trouble for the estate servants and playing with her siblings to her heart's content.
Until a faithful day when a game of hide and seek turned into tragedy. When she woke up, her life had turned on its head, everything she had now slipping away from her.
That day her quiet life began— an unforgiving life where all odds are stacked against her.
Hello, my favorite thread! I have republished my novel and rebranded it (as well as rewriting) after taking in the honest advice fully. I would appreciate an honest review of where it is now (only has 5 chapters thus far), and I will give an equally honest, detailed review in return. (or 3 days' worth of powerstones if you already have your intake of honest reviews :P)
Soulmate Game : Her Lethal Love
Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/soulmate-game-her-lethal-love_20340245006547205
Synopsis:
Everyone has a destined soulmate, and in the World of Syre, a game is played amongst four empires to find your fated half.
Occurring every 30 years, chosen nobles and royalty are gifted with the memory of their past life and an invitation to the game by the Mercy of God. The rules are simple: find your soulmate at all costs.
If you lose, you and your family are cursed to die within 12 months. If you win, you are gifted with the highest social class's prosperity and wealth for the rest of your life.
Mira was a spy who reincarnated into an orphan peasant. When she receives half of her memories with an invitation to the True Half game, her first motivation is to find and save her brother.
But why are these three handsome men always in her way? The playful Duke heir, the cold-hearted Crown Prince, and the mysterious noble Xith keep messing up her plans! Mira wants nothing to do with them—until it’s revealed that one of them is her real True Half.
Will she find her brother?
Will she find her soulmate?
Will she uncover the secrets of this evil game?
Let’s find out.
I'm a new strand in this thread who would love an honest review.
Title: Devil Child
Genre: Fantasy, Action, Adventure
Autistic and alone, Noe begins a new life at a mysterious school. Trapped in a sea of faceless people, prejudice, and pain, he has no choice but to learn to coincide with evil. In the small town of Westville, at a school erected within the heart of chaos, the incredible power that Noe possesses is awakened.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/devil-child_19990523105255605
Yoan_Roturier Hey! I know this is a thread for review swipes, but I would like to be your editor.
DM me if you are interested. Prikkrang#6083 is my discord id.
Yoan_Roturier Hey! I know this is a thread for review swipes, but I would like to be your editor.
DM me if you are interested. Prikkrang#6083 is my discord id.
Yoan_Roturier
Hey! I know this is a thread for review swipes, but I would like to be your editor.
DM me if you are interested. Prikkrang#6083 is my discord id.
- Edited
@MimiTea Alright. I've read all the chapters so far. It's a good start, and I see literally nothing wrong, except for one nitpick: try not to repeat nouns and adjectives within the same two paragraphs. As a rudimentary example, someone might say, "Open this door!" Then, the first line in the next paragraph may say, "The child opened the door." It doesn't affect the reading too much, but placing two instances word "door" in close proximity leads to some choppiness. Sometimes, the sentence can fall apart if you start substituting words, so just keep in mind sentence variety (which you already do well, for the most part).
Since it's only the beginning of the story, I really have nothing else to say other than to keep up the good work. Let me know when you have more chapters, and I'll give them a critique as well.
- Edited
I am back... here... with some suggestions... again.
I can see that some people really spend their time trying to help... @Epyonnn great work!
@Yoan_Roturier too.
sooo... at least we could give him/her a few power stones ;)
I am not going to corrupt anyone, but I think that's a nice way for telling 'thank you for your precious time'
Hi! I don't have the means nor the time to engage in a partnership with an editor at the moment, but I'll remember your offer— if need be—when I do have them. Plus, I don't really know you for now.
Thank you for taking an interest in my work (assuming you read it).
Epyonnn Hello, I liked the way you gave a review. I need your help with my first ever novel, cuz I am not getting any reviews and I don't know whether I should continue that novel or make some changes in the plot.
Name: Mysterious Destiny of Us
Genre: Fantasy Romance, time travel
Synopsis:
She said,
"Fate is nothing but a question which the Deity throws, the answer to it is the choices we make..."
He asked,
"Then what about Destiny??"
.....
Simple minded, focused, a bit nerdy Su Yeon's life changes slowly but mysteriously when she join hands with a Doctor who is also a part of underworld and her life gets tangled with someone whom she never expected. Will she choose this life over her simple and stable life or may be she is destined to it??
.
.
Excerpt 1:
"I don't know anything else! From now on you are my Girlfriend and that is final! We will keep it secret, I will not disturb you and wait for you so you can pursue your career. But you will always be mine!"
Excerpt 2:
He was standing in the corner, looking at a girl who was enjoying with her colleagues, for whom he was waiting for more than 4 years. he whispered, "I think its enough of waiting now, it's time for us to be together. Little Bunny, will you accept me this time?"
Book Link: https://m.webnovel.com/book/mysterious-destiny-of-us_20101912606657405
Any criticism is accepted as I don't know what readers thought about my novel.
Shreya2711 Sure thing. I got you.
Epyonnn Hey! I just finished the first 10 chapters of your book, and I will say I will be keeping in my library 
Now, for my review, I would like to give you two choices because I wrote a lot of detailed notes that are not sugarcoated at all. The first option is to get the non-sugarcoated version with my direct, honest thoughts. The second option is a less direct but still honest approach, but it might take me a little longer to write up. What do you think?
modestbaddie Hey your novel seems interesting and it's totally my type! Historical timetravel romance! I have added it to my library and I am currently reading it so I will post the review soon! I hope you will do the same with my book since my genre is also fantasy romance!!!
modestbaddie Hey, done with the review! Now I am waiting for yours!
Book Name: Mysterious Destiny of Us
Author: MoonLight27
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Book Link: https://m.webnovel.com/book/mysterious-destiny-of-us_20101912606657405
I wish to thank @Yoan_Roturier for this great idea.
I always post lots of pointers in the text when I read. Inconcistencies, moods, suggestions ans such. In review swap, I always feel disappointed that people don't take time to do the same.
So here I am: I am not harsh, but honest in my reviews. Being a published author (in France), I've gone through the editing process with much suffering and consternation. But I had to admit that it helped. In the end, my novel is better now than it was before the editor clove though it with a two handed axe :D
So I'm willing to share what I learn. And please, I'd be super happy if someone was willing to do the same on my easy going romances. I've got plenty, take a pick, and don't be shy.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/in-another-life_18770877206104505 -> modern romance, sweet and short.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/stage-fright_19074257706310705 -> modern again, featuring a 'famous' actor, a divorce, a little angst
https://www.webnovel.com/book/god's-gift_18770877105939205 -> modern setting, more angst
https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305 -> historical, my own take about Tristan and Isolde.
I'm waiting for someone who needs a honest review to pop by. Cheers to all !
https://www.webnovel.com/book/19979727805182105
Please have a read and a review swap, I don't care if the reality is not on my side, please state your honest review of my book and so I am to your books.
If you guys don't want to open the link, you could just take a look with this title: " I Once Turned Into A Parasite "
https://www.webnovel.com/book/19979727805182105
Please have a read and a review swap, I don't care if the reality is not on my side, please state your honest review of my book and so I am to your books.
If you guys don't want to open the link, you could just take a look with this title: " I Once Turned Into A Parasite "
Let's review swap, I am new to this so please educate me, please state you honest reviews,
Genre: Fantasy
https://www.webnovel.com/book/exiled_20402580006132605
“In a place where gods live there is a ranking that can distinguish your authority, a rising god named Alvis, was a newly formed god of Strategy, formed 230 year, however being newly formed he has ranked high-silver, thanks to his expertise, being able to step within top-silver, made other gods wary of his existence, but unable to do anything because of the heavenly pledge,
During his 250th anniversary, because of this a phoenix dropped by a golden scroll saying Alvis is to be promoted to Mid-Class, a Class where you will be rewarded with your own planet, which made others extremely wary of him and other started making speculation of him leaching of gods of higher ranking,
with his position being at risk, as soon as Alvis received his new badge a planet was transported to him, Type 1653-Earth, a place where there are living beings are able to survive, he can change the conditions, the information or create creatures that can adopt and to the circumstances of the planet, as soon as this info was given to him he started reshape it into a game like world.”
Let's swap reviews and support each other!!
Book Name- LOVE ME HARDER, MR. FU
Genre- Contemporary Romance
Author- Xia_Xia89
Book Link- https://www.webnovel.com/book/18680472505563905
Synopsis- “Love never dies
only the feeling fades”
❃.✮:▹ ◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹ ◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹ ◃:✮.❃
Mo Shi Lian, 24 years old, a brilliant and successful woman in the field of fashion designing. The only daughter of the Mo family and also the next heir of Mo corp.
Fu Zi Chen, 26 years old, the youngest Chairman of one of the world’s top companies, Fu International; and the sole heir of Fu's household. The richest and most eligible bachelor in entire China. Known for his cold and ruthless personality.
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ‧͙⁺˚･༓☾ ☽༓･˚⁺‧͙ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇
A business corporation with an unknown hidden motive between them. What will happen when the fire ignites when the two comes closer? Witness their hot romantic love story and how the male lead chases before our female lead.
.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・
After studying abroad for 5 years, Mo Shi Lian came back to take the charge of her father’s business after getting an emergency call from her father. Their company is in debt and only Shi Lian is the solution to resolve it but the path to success isn’t always easy. Her two cousins, Cai Li and Yin Zhen are the puppets of their mother and try to make the work difficult for our female lead for the greed to acquire Mo family share.
.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・
A one-night stand makes her feel nothing for love. She slept with a man she doesn’t know before coming to China.
Two months later, when she joins hands with the Fu company, her life changed drastically. The man she slept with is none other than Fu Zi Chen, the Chairman of Fu Company. He remembered her and always kept thinking about her no matter how hard he tries not to. He was agitated when she refuses to recognize her but smirks, “this is going to be interesting.”