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Disclaimer: Everything on here is based off of personal opinion, and is by no means a universally accepted standard. This is just me trying to help out those who have a difficult time writing sex-oriented scenes in books. If you have anything Helpful to add, please comment. Any harassment or derogatory comments will be reported to the admins. I apologize if anyone is offended by what I’ve written. It was not my intention, and I hope you have a lovely day

I’m a 33 year old wife and mother who has been reading romance novels since I was ten. I’m not shy about writing or talking about sex. I see it as one of the most beautiful and fulfilling ways to express affection, and make a singular connection to another being. I say ‘being’ because this specifically pertains to writing, and not all stories are strictly about humans/have humans in them.

My first point: There is a difference between ‘Smut Scenes’ and ‘Love Scenes’. Deciding on which type of scene you want in your book is the first step.
What kind of emotional connection do your characters have? Is it reciprocated? Do these feelings have a foundation, or is it more infatuation?
Asking these kinds of questions can help you figure out what type of scene would make the Most Sense for your book.

Readers can generally tell when an author is just throwing a sex scene into a book ‘because sex sells’. Don’t get me wrong: it does. But if there’s no substance behind the act, no emotional build to the scene, then you are likely to lose readers. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have personally axed out books because the scenes either made No sense to the plot, or the emotions involved were too convoluted, or jumbled to follow. Or my biggest problem: the scene seemed almost robotic(used same descriptive words over, and over, and over..).

This can happen when writers are unfamiliar or inexperienced with sexual acts. Which is by NO MEANS a bad thing. Some are too young, or haven’t found that special someone yet, and that’s Completely fine. You can learn how to write sex scenes without firsthand experience or knowledge by reading other books, watching movies, etc..

The important things to take away from those things are:

1. How did the scene make you feel? I don’t mean the vulgarity of it. Did the emotions held and felt by the characters make sense? Did you see/feel emotional transference of said emotions? Which ones? Were they passionate or possessive? How would you describe the physical contact In Conjunction with their emotional connection?

2. Sex is generally a repetitious act, but that doesn’t mean the description needs to be. There is an outrageous number of ways to write or describe the word or act of ‘penetration‘. I cannot stand seeing that word more than once in a paragraph(personal opinion). For all writers: THE THESAURUS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND! There’s even blogs and such that specialize in helping to write sex scenes. My personal favorite is:

https://laurelclarke.com/2014/08/18/sexy-thesaurus-romance-erotica-words/

I found this on the InkStone Discord server on the writing resources channel a while back. They have a plethora of resources and articles that can help with the descriptive writing aspect of your story in general(The specific link is some extra help. I am not affiliated with the above site, I just use it often.).

3. I completely understand how embarrassing it can be to write sex scenes in books. Especially if your friends and family are supportive of your work like mine are(my MOM is one of my biggest fans). But you have to keep in mind that sex is a part of life. How do you think you got here? Don’t treat it like a stigma, and you will be surprised at how much better and easier the writing process can be.

I mean no offense to anyone. Some see sex as a deeply scared and/or spiritual connection. Some see it as a simple release with minimal emotional connection. There there’s a Whole lotta of varying in between. To each their own, I say. So long as you’re not hurting anyone, or the pain is consensual(50 Shades popped into my head as I wrote this).

This is another reason why you want to clarify which type of scene your characters are experiencing through the description. Sex emotionally evolves characters. They can evolve together, or sex can also bring personality issues or discrepancies to the surface. There’s a lot of character building potential before, during, and after ‘the act’ that can bring the characters to a literary crescendo. Personally, I love it when the crescendo IS the act.

Final Thought:
The more emotionally invested the readers are in your characters, the better your book will do. Sex is one of the most universal forms of connection and expression, along side food, music, and other forms of art. I wish you well in your individual pursuits, and any questions and/or comments will be replied to when I have time

Sara_Wilcox This can happen when writers are unfamiliar or inexperienced with sexual acts. Which is by NO MEANS a bad thing. Some are too young, or haven’t found that special someone yet, and that’s Completely fine. You can learn how to write sex scenes without firsthand experience or knowledge by reading other books, watching movies, etc..

All I will say is that many of those who write it need to expand their repertoire on this knowledge. Their views on sex are solely based on pornography, or more common yet, hentai. It is some of the most cringe-worthy material on the site and in no way realistic nor even physically feasible.

I think one of the biggest eyebrow raisers I found was a male who was described at being 12 inches long and 8 inches thick. I mean come on, this is the size of a bodybuilder's thigh.

TheAdventurer thank you I just hope it’s helpful to people. I remember how nerve-wracking it was to write my first scene, and wished I would’ve known then what I do now

On point no 2.
There (is) an outrageous number of (ways) to write or describe the word or act..
Just pointing out some typos to fix since it's great seeing you help others.

Rule number zero for romance writers: don't toss a sex scene just for the sake of having a 'spicy' thing for your pre-teen readers fan themselves (tip: they often don't pay). It's just like watching GoT on HBO then out of the blue and unnecessarily for the plot, naked people acting lewd are tossed before your eyes.
Female readers won't read your novel more because it has a lot of sex scenes. They will keep reading your novel if the sex scene occurs as a consequence of the plot. They are interested in the consequences of said sex innuendo, too.
I'd like to reinforce the difference of perception between males and females regarding sex in the media. Everyone said it a LOT, like, too much, but some inexperienced female authors go after conventional porn to learn how to describe a sex scene. But, thing is, describing too visually won't make a female reader connect with the scene. Most probably, will turn her away.
Gals usually don't care that much for the visuals of sex, as men do. We don't usually care for 'bouncy t--ies while she's gyrating cowboy-style like a Yo Gi Yo's Bey Blade', or 'she sucked his ginormous veiny prec--ed c--* mushroom like a baby elephant'. Go for the feelings and sensations.
And, not all men should be acting the same in bed. Give him some personality. It's okay to make him cuddly, or even vanilla. Not all men are grabbing hair werewolves, foreplay licking masters, thrusting experts D'Artagnans, or having a sexual repertoire of Marquis de Sade. And it's perfectly okay. You can still love them as a role model of sexy man.

Who said that: a woman that knows and reads it a lot. And it's just a reinforcement of what Sara_Wilcox said. It's not only her opinion.

AriaKang I both agree and disagree with you. It’s true that some just can’t write sex scenes. Just like some can write them flawlessly, with little effort. Like all things: the more you research and experience, the better you can translate it to paper. I don’t necessarily mean doing the actual act, but simple exposure to the wide world of physical contact can be inspiring/motivating/etc..

Writing is just like anything else: the more you research and practice writing the scene, the better it will turn out. Personally, I usually re-read paragraph by paragraph, then the whole chapter to make sure it flows right. Editing is your second best friend(next to a thesaurus).

I personally think that if one works hard enough on their craft, anyone can make a wonderful story. It all depends on the effort you put into it. Again this is all personal opinion

Sara_Wilcox Was it a rant? No problem, polite disagreement is the patron of useful discussions.

I mentioned 'Gals don't like it' because it's a statistical thing. Of course, there are exceptions. Like everything else in life. So I think my post wasn't invalidated by your personal experience or style. It's not only me saying it, the behavioral scientists said it before me. We all have our idiosyncrasies, but I was talking about the majority.

The kind of people who will find your thread useful are exactly the ones who are ruining their sex scenes because they don't know how to dose or to describe what they see in their mind. Or they don't even see it in their mind, which is a BIG problem. The ones perfectly okay with how they are writing their sex scenes will just shrug (or laugh), so any advice here is not for people who know exactly what they are doing...

As you said, there are basic problems (as I remember, not exactly your words):

• not conveying the intended mood because The author is using the wrong/weak words.
• repeating words or phrases thus making it boring as hell
• turning the sex act into something mechanical (I call it 'the pistoning effect') and lacking emotion
• doing it all wrong because you don't know how it really is, didn't do your homework, went against physics/anatomy/common sense (like, male-male sex, it's a whole different thing and some inexperienced BL authors do forget it needs lube to be enjoyable...).

There are more, but you gave excellent tips for every of them.

But, at least to me, the most important thing is what you said more than one time in your comments: sometimes they don't know what they wish. They don't feel the scene. They turn one thing into another.

So I reason this way: Hm, so you don't know what you want with this sex scene, but you want to insert one all the same? WHY?! HELL, WHY?! (note that it is a rant )
If it doesn't occur to you as a consequence of something, sprouting naturally, in a way you can imagine the whys and the hows, why do you need to insert a sex scene?

And that's the problem in many (not all, but many) Webnovel romances. Too many crap sex scenes because authors feel they need to push a sex scene when they don't really need one in the first place. Just to earn traction. MATURE CONTENT - The magic words on the top of the synopsis (by the way, something frowned upon by WN editors).

By the way, I've read the source you mentioned long ago and used to have it pinned in my favorites bar. It's a good source with lots of useful tips and words. I don't remember any other so good.

SrtaA I totally agree with you Your post wasn’t invalid at all. Your points were spot on. I love how you broke down and simplified the main points, and backed it with data too I also love exchanges of the mind like this, and appreciate your opinion and feedback. I just meant that heavily described sex scenes can be appealing to women as long as the emotional investment is established and/or expressed during the scene.

I really loved your comment about how the mature content warning should NOT being at the top of the synopsis also. Too many books do it, in my opinion. Even some of the top ranked books(I don’t get why the editors don’t say something to the authors about it, if they want all the other authors not to do the same). Thank you for the stimulating conversation

Sara_Wilcox the editors said it more than once, but since there's no type of punishment, people just disregard it.

About the 8x12 inches thing... I guess it's just because the world, but for 3 countries, uses the metric system and some people don't know inches and centimeters aren't equivalents...
Anyway, 8 cm thick hmm
Are we talking about the diameter or the circumference...? If diameter, it's...
LOL, I'm so curious now.

Jo_J it doesn’t necessarily, but physical intimacy is one of the most universal ways to express emotion. It’s in everything, from all forms of art, to every culture(both ancient and modern). And I say ‘express emotion’ because love is not the only emotion that can come into play. Sex can be anything from a basic emotional outlet, to a way to connect on a higher, spiritual level with another person(depending on the bond, cultural and religious beliefs, etc.. ).

The point of this thread is to help authors that struggle to write such scenes. The considerations for writing content of sexual nature are vast, and not easily worded. Some writers are just flat-out embarrassed to create such scenes, and this thread also lets them know that they are not alone in their struggles. Sex isn’t a necessity for a romance novel, but for many stories, it is. The general natural progression of a relationship usually leads to sex. We are biologically programmed for it, and it is an everyday part of life(not physically having it everyday, but we hear/see/etc.. about it every day). So if an author wants to write about it, but doesn’t know where to begin, or how to go about it; this thread is here to help(at least that was my hope/intention behind making it).

Sorry for the rant

DarkGamerZZZZ We're talking about high quality sex scene in proper romance here, not some random crappy sex scene in hentai/porn kind of story like what you had written.

GWEN and Anyone Else Reading the Thread:

I respect your opinion. Thank you for your input You are a perfect example of why I say writers need to figure out what type of scene they want in their book(s). It helps them not only determine the content for the scene, but which type of readers they’re seeking to entice/draw in with their work. My personal opinion is vastly different from yours, and that’s ok. Everyone is entitled to like what they want.

I understand your meaning about ‘being molested’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the scene itself is bad, it’s just not specifically your cup of tea. I see the sculpture of David by Michelangelo as beautiful art, but there are people out there that see it as nothing more than a vulgar statue. To each their own, I say. But my point is that the same perspective applies to books.

In my personal opinion:
This is why authors need to specify which type of scene they’re going for. Sex has many forms and emotions connected to it. To say that SEX is strictly about love, and only for a Married Man and Woman, in my opinion: is extremely narrow-minded and more than a touch bigoted. Personally; I don’t want readers like that. And there are Many writers that don’t either.

A book or scene might be vulgar to you, but it might be a beautiful work of art or connection to many more. It’s up to the author to give you ‘the art’, but ultimately the interpretation is always up to the reader. So it’s important for the author to articulate themselves based off of what type of scene they want.

HARD FACT: NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOUR WRITING! AND THAT IS COMPLETELY OKAY!

Edit: Also, in my personal opinion; being embarrassed to write a sex scene doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be one/they shouldn’t write one. It means that the writer understands the depth and importance of said scene. Or, like many; they are simply embarrassed to write it because friends/family will eventually read it. Sex is a part of life. It has ALWAYS been an integral part of culture/religion/etc.. This isn’t anything new. Just that media and technology have made it easily accessible.

Thank you

I think there is also a huge diffrence between male and female authors and audiences tough.

Your suggestions need to be accounted for from the start of the novel.

Especially for male authors, because you can't write an emotionally dead novel and suddenly expect to be writing a good love scene, and let's face it, we men shy away from emotionally descriptive novels, and the few who dont favor depression, self harm and angst genres.

In my opinion, if love scenes are on the planning for future chapters, with a male target audience, then the author needs to be more emotionally descriptive from the start.

If a novel is not emotionally descriptive from the start, it is better to intentionally keep sex to smut only because a love scene even if we'll written in an emotionally dead novel just doesn't work.

Likewise, the genre of the novel needs to be considered from the start. Take 'The Mech Touch' for example which is primarily scifi engineering and design oriented.

It does well mostly because there is more emotion in it than most such genres as part of the design processes, and whilst a fantastic read and having emotion from the start, it is better to insinuate that there was sex than write a sex scene there because a sex scene wouldn't fit in the story when there hasn't been a shred of romance within the first few hundred, and by now thousand chapters.

So Target Audience, Genre, and Emotional levels of the story need to be considered from the start, to even determine whether there should be sex in a story at all, and if yes, if a love scene is even remotely viable as an option over smut if the story has had no or little emotional charge thus far.

But that's just my opinion, which many may differ on, but I believe is worth sharing and considering for male authors.

PS. I'm being actively censored over this post and can no longer post on the forum:
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