Arcana_Legends Okay I’m gonna go over 5 main points for your novel.

  1. Bulky paragraphs

Most users read on their phones, so it’s recommended to limit paragraphs to 1-3 on webnovel. 4-5 if truly necessary. It’s very hard to read and focus for the average reader because of that.

  1. Too much telling

There’s way too much telling, not enough showing. Starting from the prologue, it should be more description than telling the reader what the MC thinks. You spoil the whole mystery for them to try to guess at things. Same thing with the rest of the chapters. Way too much thinking in between each dialogue and action.

  1. Cover??

Why is there no text on the cover? A few authors can get away with this but it shows a lack of effort on the writer’s part, especially if the book is new/isn’t popular yet.

  1. No Conflict

A fight goes on at the end of chapter 2 and start of chapter 3, but it doesn’t equate to a story conflict. The question behind every story is “Why should the reader care?” In a villainess story, the villainess is out to get revenge. In My Vampire System, it’s a war between entire races. In Doomsday Wonderland, it’s first to survive then slowly to survive with friends. It’s a full length conflict that doesn’t end in 1, 2, or even 30 chapters. What is yours? (Rhetorical question) For the most effective first chapter, you need to dive right into conflict as soon as possible. Show the reader what’s exciting about the plot of the novel.

  1. Lack of Description

Coupled with the lack of showing, there isn’t much of a description anywhere. I get in the prologue that the reader may not know what’s going on, but in the actual chapters they should. I couldn’t visualize the classroom at all since you didn’t describe it. Having even 1-2 details here and there to describe the setting will greatly enhance the immersiveness of the reader.

Side Note: I don’t usually read ML books so I read from an objective standpoint. I hope this is helpful and not hurtful because there is potential!

      Epyonnn I’m gonna critique it using a number format. Overall, I like it better than your old cover though.

      1. The Text is Distracting

      The black box around the rest distracts the reader from the entire cover than to read the text and enjoy the art. It entirely overshadows the girl in the background, and I think you need to remove the box and just do some shadowing if necessary instead.

      1. Too Dark

      The overall cover is too dark. It’s very hard to see the girl to be honest, and looking closer, I see that you drew her to be crying. But if I add it to my library, I can’t see that. I don’t focus on the art behind the text either because the black box overshadows everything. I hate to say it too because I’m also suffering from this, but webnovel readers prefer visually striking novels (aka vibrant colors) as opposed to darker ones.

      If you could lighten or turn up the saturation (after removing the black box), it could turn out to be much better.

      Hope this helps!

          @MimiTea Okay, I'll take your advice into consideration, and I'll mess around with the title format a bit. I'll try to up the saturation, but I made the girl's body dark because it's shadowed by the sun in the back.

          @Yulainei I read your novel up to the most recent chapter, and here are some of my thoughts:

          Grammar is good, and there were just a few mistakes that can be fixed with a little proofreading.

          I had mostly easy time following the story, but you introduced too many characters in the beginning without giving much description. In the end, I just imagined most of the people's faces as blobs (not that my imagination is that good anyway).

          My biggest issue is with how the story opens. I haven't read anything from the cultivation genre, so these opinions are just from my initial impressions.

          Firstly, the beginning is way too slow. Nothing really happened. The main character is born, and the families have a banquet, but that's it. You have fantasy, adventure, and action in your tags, but the only thing I've seen so far is fantasy (and a little bit of action from the two kids' duel). I know that you'll get to the epic stuff later on, but the beginning is just too stale. Additionally, give at least a little bit of explanation about the magic system and the cultivation system. A couple of sentences should suffice, and you shouldn't go too in-depth if you want to keep the air of mystery. When you're writing a fantasy, you shouldn't expect that the readers will assume the rules in your world.

          Secondly (and this ties into the first point), the main character doesn't do anything. He gets birthed, but he's a baby, so what's he supposed to do? Sometimes, starting at the very beginning of a person's life will lead to a boring opening unless other people are pushing the plot forward. As a general rule when writing a story, you want to write it from the perspective of the most interesting character, and start in the most interesting part of the timeline. Necessary information about the past can be given through a flashback. Since the MC couldn't do anything, you made the supporting characters do stuff, but it wasn't anything exciting, unfortunately.

          Remember that a good plot consists of three main aspects: a goal, stakes, and urgency (I learned this from a YouTuber named Filmento). To give a quick explanation, the main character needs to have an end goal that they are trying to reach. Since you're writing a cultivation novel, the end goal is already intrinsically there, but the characters still need to work for something in the short term. As for stakes, there are none in your story, since nobody is trying to solve any sort of problem in the world. Finally, there's no urgency either, because there's no metaphorical bomb that will go off if the main characters don't defuse it in time. When you begin a story, you should set up at least one of these three aspects of the plot, with the most important one being the stakes. I'm afraid that if you don't start off with a bang, the readers will get bored and will drop the story after a couple of chapters.

          I don't want to call you out too hard on this, but your first four chapters are mostly fluff. Unless something ridiculous happens soon, most of that stuff can be cut out, and you could have started off the novel when the main character began his training.

            Epyonnn Indeed, at the next chapter he does do a bit of training. Well, at the pace I'm going, the urgency, would come a couple of chapters more,.. So thanks for the info. Really helps alot.

                Epyonnn Filemnto huh? Great! I'll check out his stuff in the meantime... Thanks once again. Andou Reiji~~

                    Yulainei You're welcome. If you want, I can give another critique once you get some more chapters out. Also, Filmento only critiques movies, but most of the basics of film writing can still be applied to novel writing.

                        MimiTea so what I mean is that for instance the beginning prologue piece. It's very descriptive which works for that moment because it's a slow moment between lovers. So, it's beneficial for it to linger and to have gravity.

                        But for a lot of the chapter it's all deep description hitting every excruciating detail but if you really broke down the events of the chapter all the main character really did was get kicked out and ran to a wagon to get shelter. That makes a lot of those details feel like fluff when I'm reading them and instead of getting immersed I get lost trying to really understand what's going on and why. It takes away a bit from getting to know your main characters actual qualities and getting invested in her. The romance genre is more character driven in my opinion which means I need the characters to hold the spotlight and drive the action and so forth.

                        I tend to stray myself from heavy detailing surroundings unless it absolutely matters and instead focusing on getting out the beats of the story. Just my opinion of course I think the premise is fantastic and has tons of interesting avenues to explore. Hope this is helpful.

                            MimiTea
                            1. Definitely can see how that can be an issue will work on it's formatting.

                            1. It's kinda hard to change that when the story is first-person perspective. Could you elaborate on the mystery point?

                              1. I never even thought about this thanks. That's pretty easy fix.

                            2. I'm not really sure how to address that. The conflict is there it's just not overt because I'm focused on the characters and how they interact with this world no one really know anything about. I'll try to find someway to emphasis where the conflict lies.

                            3. I thought I was being clear that the location at that point didn't really matter by describing it as mundane or ordinary letting the reader fill in their expectation of what a classroom looks like. But, I'll make it clearer that the locations aren't important right now.

                            Your feedback is super helpful thank you! If you have any suggestions I'd like to hear those also.

                                Arcana_Legends

                                1. Cool!

                                2. I meant that in the prologue, it's supposed to give readers a sort of "mystery" of how MC got into this situation? There were lines like he was looking down on his friends and something about a phoenix statue. It would be better if you described the phoenix statue instead of saying "If this is the last thing I see" because it's kind of awkward how it randomly pops out of nowhere. Instead, it could be like, "I laid my eyes on the phoenix statue..." if you know what I mean.

                                Also, there were some parts where you overexplained like the MC's best friend. It's always seen through dialogue, though you can also point it out—but readers will know.

                                1. Yep!!

                                3(?) Well, to be honest, it could be due to your synopsis. I don't see a story conflict in there, it seems like MC is just gonna go about his life. If the conflict is there, be sure to write it in your synopsis!

                                1. I might've missed it because of the formatting, but okay!! I just thought since it's a different world, it would have something unique to it. Maybe every student is wearing an emblem, etc.

                                As for suggestions, I don't have much because I'm not a typical ML reader. I do recommend going straight into conflict

                                  SpilledInk

                                  I trust you my dear cutie pie. But seem to have misunderstood me. No matter which story it is, or how bad it is. Someone behind a screen worked hard to put it into words and I think just that act is enough to earn a modicum of respect.

                                  cute

                                    Sara_Wilcox Okay I made some of those descriptive changes and will add more in due time for future chapters and current ones. I know your busy but I would love your future support as not only a critic but as a fan when you can of course.

                                        Donniedrako15_ sure😁 I don’t normally read heist/con books, but the super powers make me interested to see how it turns out. I’ll definitely read when I have time.😁

                                            Sara_Wilcox EH wouldn't call it a heist book, more so cyberpunk sci fi with a dash of super-powered action. Volume 1 does do the after shock of the heist though.

                                              I want to put mine. Please give me a review
                                              Title : Enchanters Phantasm
                                              Genre : Fantasy
                                              Link : https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/20276456405742405?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4316765707
                                              Synopsis : The world was bound to be doomed again. As the Seven Generals makes their appearance to try and take back their leader.
                                              The protagonist, Shou Escarra who have a bad reputation in his school and in the whole country, was the leader they’re looking for. But not to treat him like a king but to simply just kill him!
                                              Simply put, in order to prevent that from happening he just need to stay alive.
                                              Its easier said than done. Specially when your up against a muscular kapre, a tikbalang who master swordsmanship, a magic genius dwarf, a wild tiyanak, a man-eating aswang and the Purgatorians. Not to mention the overwhelming army of undeads and dullahans.
                                              Even though the difficulty of their opponent was so high and him not having any kinds of power like a protagonist like him should. Using his brains, guts and any methods he can think of. Shou, together with his otherworld being friends, struggle to survive in order to save the world.

                                                • Title: Charlie Mutton - Gifted
                                                • Genre: Fantasy(-Male Leading)
                                                • Synopsis: A young boy discovers that his life was not as simple as he thought. Now he has to play a significant role in an interplanar war while learning to control his new found abilities and understanding his past.
                                                • Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/charlie-mutton---gifted_20266532105646605

                                                I would appreciate some honest reviews, thank you in advance for your time.

                                                  Title: I am a Farmer

                                                  Genre: Fantasy

                                                  Synopsis: When everyone is painstakingly cultivating to raise their rank

                                                  When everyone is traveling for experience

                                                  When everyone is doing their best to improved

                                                  I am here farming inside my miniworld

                                                  " What's so good about being an S rank? I am a farmer who can kill you with one slap "

                                                  " What did you say? You have a thousand army of A ranks? Listen, when my pet roars the army you're proud of will cower in fear"

                                                  I am a cheat myself so what can you do? Then transmigrate to other world to get your own system sucker's

                                                  "I can create a million SS rank army of my own if I want to"

                                                  "If you don't want your small kingdom got flatten, get out of my sight dumbass"

                                                  Follow the adventure of a farmer whose life was idle even in a chaotic world " VLODY "

                                                  Link: https://m.webnovel.com/book/i-am-a-farmer_20320703006361505

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