@Epyonnn
Y.R. Honest review #4
Title: Non-Player Character
Author: Epyonnn
Chapters read: Until chapter 8
So humā¦ I donāt have much to say but well, Iāll get into it.
Story, Character Design, Wording, Grammar and World Building are good.
Story:
An interesting intake on the genre. Not a revolution per see but interesting in the way that the character doesnāt find himself in the with the help of some kind of divine being after suicide. Itās in fact logical enough to be believable.
Character Design:
Apart from the minor detail, I found that you know of, and thatās because Iām a bastard who smells poop from afar, Iāve got nothing to say.
Good character evolution, at least the main character. I havenāt read about the others but since the story turned out to be told form the MCās point of view (first person,) then it leaves fewer chances for other characters to grow. Unless we switch to their point of view. But that might get confusing in the long run. Maybe, maybe not. Just food for thoughts.Also, if you wanna test something that arenāt common but does work you can use first person while telling the story of your own MC and third person while telling the story of other characters. A great example of that is a novel I recommend: āBeware of Chicken.ā Youāll find it on Royal Royal and a few other sites.
Wording/Grammar:
What do you even want me to say about this? I make more mistakes than you do lol. Iāve spotted no issues so far.
World Building:
Wellā¦ it is vast. Iāve just started reading into the world-building of the game itself and it does feel boundless. Iāll continue to read the story from time to time and might just give you an update on that one.
Advice:
Alright, but I did find something you might already know or just might be interested in knowing.
Hereās the thing: itās too bookish.
To understand/explain what Iām trying to say let me first talk about something you probably didnāt take into account, or you did, I donāt know.
ACCELERATION
I do not know if this is the proper word in English, since itās not my native language, but that will do, I hope. What is acceleration? Itās a concept that internet worsened or we could even say gave birth to. The world, since internetās creation accelerated, or strictly speaking our daily lives did.
Our daily lives donāt even compare to our grandparent's slow-type life. I wonāt linger on this ācause there is so much to talk about.
But to put it in a nutshell, we do much more in one day than the previous generation did.
This leads to a lot of issues people arenāt aware of it or just downright choose to ignore it.
And one of them is āwanting everything right now,ā meaning impatience.
What does that have to do with online novels? Very simple, if your first chapter, no, your first paragraph isnāt interesting, people will let go. Iām not saying yours isnāt interesting, it actually is.
However, it might not be interesting for the current trends. I was waiting for something like your character kicking asses in-game right at the first or second chapter, but didnāt find that.
What I found is something really well written. I found myself sailing during calm weather. No waves, no storms whatsoever. It was a good flow. Butā¦ It was not boring but more likeā¦ a refreshing walk on the beach? Not that entertaining.
The main character has struggles, but he is kinda pathetic to look at. And I came to understand that a lot of people like to watch OP MC on this website which your MC isn't. And that's not a bad thing.
How-the-very-ever, your MC doesnāt show even a particular talent, heās kinda plain to look at. We already know that heās in the top 5 but there is nothing really showing it.
I thought he would be really different in the game but he just had to ask advice from Grace during the first raid showed in your novel. And this guy got duped by a small time character. To me, itās not befitting a guy from the top 5. Although, all those aspects were very justified in your novel, there is something that doesnāt click there to me.
I think that you're trying to build an non too op character at first, or maybe he'll become downright OP in the near future. But I think you should give something for your readers to chew on before that happens.
Which brings me back to this: itās too bookish.
Meaning itās something I would find in a library with a slow but, interesting starter for those who know how to appreciate it, that works on making an overall build-up to emphasize the climax.
But as I see it, there is a need in online novels to have some semi-climaxes here and there, at least until your readers are well hooked. Meaning when they will not leave the story unless something extremely major happens. That's why I think a lot of people write shit tons of fight scenes to keep readers somewhat interested despite the lack of real depth to their story.
Although Iām saying this, but Iām really in the same situation as you are. Thatās why Iām experimenting with a few things.
Anyway, I hope that was useful. Keep in mind that this is my take on it and what I've come to realize. Whatever you decide in the end is your choice.
Since I couldnāt really find anything else to say, I emphasized this point since I find it important. And ended up making a very long review in the process... LOL. That was unplanned for.
Read you later mate.
I donāt normally read heist/con books, but the super powers make me interested to see how it turns out. Iāll definitely read when I have time.
