DeJeL
sure
Review Swap (Screw it, just be shameless)
Hey there, i’ve seen you in the forums before, you feel like doing a review swap?
https://www.webnovel.com/book/10500707705049205/Rebirth-of-a-broken-demoness.
Ierrech
I looked at your novel and fripom the synopsis, I find it quite interesting, would you be willing to do a review swap?
https://www.webnovel.com/book/10500707705049205/Rebirth-of-a-broken-demoness.
sure mine is
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11721807806489805
I'll review yours too
Hello, my is hellen and i go by the name kim Sai. I am new writer here at Web novel and i would like to share my novel. I would be very happy and grateful if you can read my novel and give your kind reviews
Link to my novel LOVE AND BETRAYAL
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11899449805602705
I will review your's too:)
DeJeL Hello, my is hellen and i go by the name kim Sai. I am new writer here at Web novel and i would like to share my novel. I would be very happy and grateful if you can read my novel and give your kind reviews
Link to my novel LOVE AND BETRAYAL
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11899449805602705
I will review your novel too:)
Hyowha wow! Its really good! Gonna read more first before posting a proper review.
Is the way you use commas in chap 1 just your own style of speaking? I mean, in real life. The comma placements are strange!
But the story is so good that I can ignore that and just keep reading haha!
Another thing is; the introduction (first half of chap 1) can be shortened to 1/3 it's length? For example, maybe the applied facts vs. Circumstantial - you could stop after the gravity part and go straight to reincarnation.
Or switch out gravity for "once you for- you're dead. Sounds obvious right...?" Then something like. "So I died. But here I am".
Just suggestions how to make the start Quicker! Because if a reader is impatient, they'll stop reading and miss the incredibly good last few paragraphs!!
- Edited
DeadlyRaven I already reviewed I think, on the thread with your @DrunkenShadow account. Gave my feedback on how to progress the story based on reading all 6 chapters (at that time only 6 released)
Edit: posted my review on your book page.
DeadlyRaven
sure I will try yours just give me some time ok
- Edited
Ierrech
I Will review ur's in 30min-1hour.
in middle of reading.
posted my review on your book page.
Hyowha I'll keep this review short even though I could really write alot.
Disclaimer: only read until chapter 7
Rating: 5 for everything
What's really good: plotting, scheming, characters, setting, psychology of characters, unexpected developments (E.g. prince is not a high and mighty snob but kind hearted. King is sharp, venomous and scheming not stupidly benevolent)
What I would prefer to be adjusted:
1. some internal monologues are too long for most readers, you might want to shorten them so that readers with shorter attention spans can read it more easily.
2. Punctuation and writing flow: the placement of commas doesn't feel natural. It makes the "voice" sound like it is jerky.
3. "Show don't tell" it feels like you are doing a good amount of both - I understand that internal monologues and narration can only be by "tell".
However I notice that there will be big chunks of "show" then big chunks of "tell" together.
My suggestion would be to space out/ pace out your writing; mix up the show and tell so that a reader isn't just going through huge walls of narration (tell), then long paragraphs of description (show)