DeJeL Actually, it's really simple to do. Here, let me show you with a part of your first chapter:
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Click.
It is 5:00 am, and I just accidentally hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. Cursing, I got up to make my bed and get stuff ready to shower. Taking around nine minutes, my alarm clock once again beeps. This time, I actually shut off my alarm and think, 'Finally.' I get in the shower and end up singing the song "I'm Singing in the Rain." I have a terrible singing voice, so I keep my volume low so that I don't wake anyone else up.
I live in a house with a total of five people under the same roof. There are three rooms, but each room has its own bathroom. My mom, Sandy (age 36), and dad, Darron (age 45), are in the master bedroom. My twin sisters, Sally and Sue (age 6), are in a bedroom that is half the size of our parents. Although, I (age 16) have a room that is ever so slightly smaller than my sisters, their room has a smaller bath in it, while my bath is large enough so that I- at a height of 5'10"- am able to stretch my legs out completely submerged. It is so relaxing.
After being done with my shower, I decide to go downstairs, skipping on cleaning my room (even though my mom would usually say that it's not 'that' messy). Then my dad, sitting at the dining room table, says to me "Good morning Daw-son". It's a family joke; my name is Dawson Sen, and, since I'm my parents' son, they purposefully have a slight pause between 'Daw' and 'son'.
Replying with a "Mornin', Dad", I smile. Dad always likes to read in the morning. A thick book covers his face and he would occasionally take a sip of his morning tea after flipping a page.
I walk towards the kitchen and hear sizzling sounds. "Good morning, Mom" I say.
"Morning, Dawson." Mom looks up from the pan and gestures towards the girl hanging onto her skirt. "Can you please get Sue outta' my hair? I'm trying to cook here."
Sighing, I look at the little monster, "Sue, did you see what Dad has?"
"He ain't got nothing."
"You mean, 'He doesn't have anything?' And yes he does. Go and see."
"Yah, right" Sue sends a suspicious look towards me, but she leaves anyway. Bounding towards Dad, she tugged his sleeve. "Do you really have something dad?"
Startled, Dad laughs and puts down his book. "Yes, here." He kisses her on the forehead.
"See, I wasn't lying," I stick my tongue out at her with a big grin on my face. She smiles in response to Dad's kiss, then gives me a scowl that just causes me to laugh.
See, as he gets better and better, add more and more detail to the story. Start describing things more and use more complex sentences. You don't need bad grammar to be able to show his learning process, instead, use literary techniques. For example, you can sprinkle in some metaphors or similes to spice things up.
One slash, and the monster's head flew. Dawson, surprised, takes a step back and looks at the sword in his hands. He feels... weird. As if there was something more than just general magic running through his veins. Yet at the same time, Dawson feels the power eat at his very soul. Startled, he lets go of his sword as fast as he could, and the sword clatters to the ground. His heart pumps blood a mile a minute, and he could not help but to glance at Carmen worriedly. What he's feeling could be genetic, and he didn't want Carmen to feel the same heart-wrenching pain that he felt.
Do you see what I mean? The second paragraph is a lot more complex than the first one, and it also clearly displays a more 'advanced' writing skill. Try to write it this way instead. Unfortunately, I can't offer to help you edit your story since I already am editing someone else's story, otherwise I would have.