Yeonsoo09
Chapter 1:
The bearded old man snickers at her as he slams the door shut. There was neither mercy nor sympathy given no mercy given and no sympathy towards the woman with a baby in her arms.
She was just trying to seek shelter from the rain and yet almost every place where she went, she was either kicked out by them or rejected harshly like before.
As she continues continued to walk around and in hopes of finding find a decent shelter to take cover (This is not necessary), she found an abandoned spoilt (?) telephone booth right beside the convenience store.
It was small and dirty, and even the numerous shattered glass on the floor didn't matter to her. lots of broken glass all around but that doesn't concern her in the least. What mattered was that she finally found a spot with a roof on top of her head and it's free. Just enough for her and her baby for now.
She started to clear the broken glasses around her for a spot to sit, cutting her fingers as she cut her fingers a few times in the process. But she doesn't didn't wince or make a sound. She just (not needed) endured the pain and continued cleaning until it was comfortable enough for her.
"Baby.. I'm sorry you have to go through all this because of me.. I'm a failure as your mother and nothing will ever change that.. If I didn't give birth to you, you wouldn't have to suffer this much with me.. I'm sorry.. Please forgive this horrible and worthless mother of yours.." Why do you have so much periods here? If you wish to indicate that a character trailed off from what they were saying, I suggest you break their speech like so, "Baby, I'm sorry you have to go through all this because of me..." Ha Eun whispered in her baby's ear softly as her eyes welled with tears.
Then you could continue the dialogue: "I'm a failure as your mother and nothing will ever change that. If I didn't give birth to you, you wouldn't have to suffer this much with me." The tears escaped her eyes, streaming down her crimson cheeks as she looked down at the baby in her embrace. "Please forgive this horrible and worthless mother of yours."
Tears unknowingly form in her eyes as it slowly slides down her crimson cheeks as she looks upon the baby in her embrace. If you choose to go with what I said above, this part here is unnecessary because you would have already done so above. But if not, Tears welled in her eyes, slowly rolling down her crimson cheeks as she looked at the baby in her embrace
Why does such a soft little creature like her have to suffer so much even though she just came out into the world?
Lee Ha Eun gently caressed the baby's soft...
The sight made her heartache heart ache as she felt immense guilt towards her baby daughter. There's a difference between "heartache" and "heart ache". In this case, you should use the latter.
There was no way of knowing why and she wished all of ....
No one is was willing to help her, especially all those people not even those whom she trusted. She had even begged them to just help out a little but nothing works.
But When they needed help, she was willing to give everything she had has to help them out. But now that she has no value to her, they didn't even think twice before throwing her out of their life like some trash.
It was common to hear this kind of thing around the area she was in (This part is redundant since you had already established earlier that she was walking about and no other place was mentioned) but since she had never been there before, it suddenly made her worried and scared of her safety, especially for her baby She wasn't that much worried about herself but more so of her baby.
So as Haeun was carefully standing up to find somewhere safer for the both of them, the sound of footsteps was heard. They came towards her at a steady pace (I suspect Minjoon wasn't walking fast here) nearing towards her and before she could get away, the sight of a man in a full black suit stood before her.
The writing was good, it's just that there were times when you used the wrong tense in the narrative. It's going to take a while to get the other chapters done since I've so many things to do....But I'll do my best if you want to continue.
