DeJeL I did, I actually read through chapter 6. You definitely have fewer blocks of text, but you still have them. As for the rest, yeah I think you need to make it more natural. If by the major change in chapter 4 you mean the thing you do with parentheses, I think you should switch to the format I mentioned.

Example: "He ran that way!" The sorcerer exclaimed.

As opposed to: "He ran that way!" (sorcerer)

Just read through translations on webnovel and you'll see plenty of examples. It's the same for the transition to other characters. The whole "point of view" thing that you do to indicate a different character's perspective is awkward. I'd recommend checking out different novels to see other ways to do it. I think tempest of the stellar war has some good examples? Not sure it's been a while since I read it. These are just my personal suggestions, so take them with a grain of salt.

      AndrewReise I took the format I did from translated Japanese LN, so I will change if enough say I should, but will probably keep that the same... and you guessed right as far as the major change.;,;. and can you possibly in comments quote any such 'blocks of text' that exist after that change with exception of those that are dialog, please? (I won't change that anyway, so it's useless to add the comment)

      Also, congratz on being post 100 AndrewReise .;,;.

            Knihw_ Added, you are #33 in my Que.

            *note, if your last given number is higher than the current number, than that means you are further ahead in the Que now due to me reviewing the books in my Que. Just tag me and you can get an update of where you are in my Que.;,;.

              @DeJeL you’re working hard giving us reviews. Thank you for the 5 star review even though you did not like my novel

                YourSmileIsFading I review based on quality, I still, however, have my personal preferences, and your book did not follow under those.;,;. I don't like when people let their preferences affect their reviews.

                  Kingoftheland I will try my best to get back to anyone :) I co-author and edit for the novel "He's the One" I ended up being the co-author in the more later chapters at around chapter 16 so the beginning chapters may seem really fast paced, which is the author's style.

                  Synopsis:

                  Kaia Crestfall is the youngest CEO of Crestfall Industries, a leading business in the entertainment world. But despite being capable of such a high position, she still needs to constantly watch her back. Especially with a fiance who has ulterior motives…

                  One day, after calling her mom to call off the engagement for the umpteenth time, she almost gets run over by a car. Narrowly escaping death, she is pulled into the arms of the last person she expected to meet. The one person who had broken her heart...the one person who will brighten her world...the one person she should never be with… Why? Because he’s her enemy. But for some reason, while she is stunned by the man in front of her, he tells her, “Marry me…”

                  End: Cliche synopsis plot (only as a set-up for the rest of the story!!!)
                  Start: The storyline after they get together

                  Despite many hidden secrets along the way, the secret relationship between her and the love of her life—Alexander Sabor—continues to grow. But as fate may have it, due to a dangerous man playing a dirty trick behind the scenes she is once again torn away from Alex. This time not of a broken heart from betrayal, but one of love and endurance.

                  As you read, get ready for some cute and heartwarming, as well as some heartbreaking scenes. But a good story will always have its heart wrenching twists and turns!

                  ***“FLUFF” WARNING (a.k.a “the birds and the bees”): Chapter 7: The First Time & more to come in the future ;)

                      Kingoftheland I will try my best to get back to anyone :) I co-author and edit for the novel "He's the One" I ended up being the co-author in the more later chapters at around chapter 16 so the beginning chapters may seem really fast paced, which is the author's style.

                      Synopsis:

                      Kaia Crestfall is the youngest CEO of Crestfall Industries, a leading business in the entertainment world. But despite being capable of such a high position, she still needs to constantly watch her back. Especially with a fiance who has ulterior motives…

                      One day, after calling her mom to call off the engagement for the umpteenth time, she almost gets run over by a car. Narrowly escaping death, she is pulled into the arms of the last person she expected to meet. The one person who had broken her heart...the one person who will brighten her world...the one person she should never be with… Why? Because he’s her enemy. But for some reason, while she is stunned by the man in front of her, he tells her, “Marry me…”

                      End: Cliche synopsis plot (only as a set-up for the rest of the story!!!)
                      Start: The storyline after they get together

                      Despite many hidden secrets along the way, the secret relationship between her and the love of her life—Alexander Sabor—continues to grow. But as fate may have it, due to a dangerous man playing a dirty trick behind the scenes she is once again torn away from Alex. This time not of a broken heart from betrayal, but one of love and endurance.

                      As you read, get ready for some cute and heartwarming, as well as some heartbreaking scenes. But a good story will always have its heart wrenching twists and turns!

                      ***“FLUFF” WARNING (a.k.a “the birds and the bees”): Chapter 7: The First Time & more to come in the future ;)

                          6 days later

                          DeJeL Hey I'm still waiting for your review. It's nearly been 20 days since I reviewed yours :(

                          At any case, if you have not read my last novel either, I'd like if you did your review on https://www.webnovel.com/book/10857586805191105 instead. Novel's name is Rebirth of the Undead King.

                          Anyone else willing to swap honest reviews, just @ me.

                              Web Novel Novel Ask